Bernadette

I hope all tnat I am doing will pay off

All that you are doing to get healthy and mentally strong yourself will definitely pay off!

I have even been to a councilor before he came home to ask what can I do to help and not do so as not to screw all of his hard work up.

Pleasepleaseplease don't put yourself in this position mentally.
There is nothing YOU can do to screw up HIS recovery. You have to let his recovery be his own and know that you are simply not that powerful - if you believe you can cause him to slip then you would have had the equal and opposite power to make him quit. And you don't, I don't, none of us are that powerful.

I understand what you're saying - naturally you want to be supportive - but be careful - the codie mind works in sneaky ways just like the alkie's mind-- and you are still engaging in an unhealthy thought pattern if you believe you might "screw up" HIS sobriety/recovery.

You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.

(((((hugs))))) to you aaparis-- I know every day can feel like a struggle but every day you have the choice to focus solely on YOU and your progress and happiness - independent of where he's at! The way to stop losing anymore of your life is to start today taking control of the only thing you can control: YOUR life, your plans, your dreams, your problems! Baby steps even. It ain't easy but it's worth it!

Peace-
B.

sailorgirl2nv

Sometimes called BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend)

Rainbowsend

Other pluses, they don't vomit on your carpet or **** in your bed

sunflowerintx

My children and I were naming their guardian angels and my D12 said she wanted to name hers Bob. I said nope, can't do that and I can't tell you why not but someday you'll hear it and go "OMG, that's why Mom didn't let me name my angel BOB!"

I have a BOB and he's so neglected. At least he can't talk to beyotch about it.

aaparis

You are all so great.....things last night were great, my AH seems so positive.

I guess when I say I want it to work is because I don't want to be lonely, I am scarred of that. If I could love this life and maybe just have a 'normal', trusting man in secret to take me out once a week and to need me in a 'touch,human feeling way', no strings attched, life would be great......

chrisea

I have to give up the magical thinking, if I stay in a relationship with my AH I am not going to get the relationship of my dreams. Its just not going to happen

I gave up the magical thinking. There aren't enough of the right combination, for this kind of relationship to happen. For a long time, I looked for this, but in time, it dawned on me, nope it's not going to happen for me. But I have seen some relationships that are like what I was looking for, so it does happen, it's just rare.

just have a 'normal', trusting man in secret to take me out once a week and to need me in a 'touch,human feeling way', no strings attched, life would be great......
this would be a McDreamy man, anyways. You wouldn't want that.

So now it's time for me. Make a Wish 7 and accept the great gift that I am.