Ways to get from here to there.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Ways to get from here to there.....
Most of you know my situation.....
Here I sit in New York, in the comfort of two very good friends living room....contemplating my future. Make that OUR future. I am very sure I will be having my little girl here in New York surrounded by friends and family. In the back of my head, I am also pretty sure that I won't want to go back after knowing what REAL LOVE feels like.
ABF is all concerned. Wants to know if he'll see me in 2008. Wants to know if I am going to exclude him from the birth. To my knowledge, it still takes two to make something work. I did what was best for the baby and me. I left. He should understand that I did that so I could have a support network beyond his unreliable self.
So I think I'm pretty much going to tell him that there is lots of ways to get from Alabama to New York.... And if he really wanted to be a part of it that badly, and really loved us....he could use one of these ways to get to see her......I thought this could be fun for the SR gang....
Any suggestions????
Mine: Hitchhiking
Here I sit in New York, in the comfort of two very good friends living room....contemplating my future. Make that OUR future. I am very sure I will be having my little girl here in New York surrounded by friends and family. In the back of my head, I am also pretty sure that I won't want to go back after knowing what REAL LOVE feels like.
ABF is all concerned. Wants to know if he'll see me in 2008. Wants to know if I am going to exclude him from the birth. To my knowledge, it still takes two to make something work. I did what was best for the baby and me. I left. He should understand that I did that so I could have a support network beyond his unreliable self.
So I think I'm pretty much going to tell him that there is lots of ways to get from Alabama to New York.... And if he really wanted to be a part of it that badly, and really loved us....he could use one of these ways to get to see her......I thought this could be fun for the SR gang....
Any suggestions????
Mine: Hitchhiking
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
It's up to you, sweetie. I wouldn't want his addict behaviors in you safe haven up there, but I think you've also gotten to the point where you aren't going to be easily manipulated and you're surrounded by friends/family who love you.
If he does come up there, remember......actions not words. Also remember that his actions are what led to this.
It is so good to here you realizing there is a future for you and the baby, whether or not he is in it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
If he does come up there, remember......actions not words. Also remember that his actions are what led to this.
It is so good to here you realizing there is a future for you and the baby, whether or not he is in it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Please don't use the "if you really love us" gambit.
Instead let him know its his choice.................................he has options to get to New York or not.
Leave it at that, no "I love you's" nothing. Let his ACTIONS speak for him.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Instead let him know its his choice.................................he has options to get to New York or not.
Leave it at that, no "I love you's" nothing. Let his ACTIONS speak for him.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I got preggers with daughter #2 just a little over a year into my recovery from addictions.
Her father was 12 years clean/sober at the time.
Little did I realize that he had never been there for his older kids (during his drinking/drugging days) and that was going to be consistent with this soon-to-be-daughter of his.
He didn't even know if I had had a boy or girl till paternity was established when she was 6 months old (this was back when they had to draw blood for DNA testing).
I had the most marvelous support group surrounding me throughout the pregnancy, and my then AA sponsor was with me through labor and delivery.
He has never been there for her in her 20 years with the exception of one brief year where he did reach out and establish a relationship with her (the man only lives 36 miles away).
I can't tell you what to do but wanted to share my experiences with you as a pregnant mother who went through the whole process without the father present.
Her father was 12 years clean/sober at the time.
Little did I realize that he had never been there for his older kids (during his drinking/drugging days) and that was going to be consistent with this soon-to-be-daughter of his.
He didn't even know if I had had a boy or girl till paternity was established when she was 6 months old (this was back when they had to draw blood for DNA testing).
I had the most marvelous support group surrounding me throughout the pregnancy, and my then AA sponsor was with me through labor and delivery.
He has never been there for her in her 20 years with the exception of one brief year where he did reach out and establish a relationship with her (the man only lives 36 miles away).
I can't tell you what to do but wanted to share my experiences with you as a pregnant mother who went through the whole process without the father present.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by grateful2b 
how 'bout bussing on the train....
but seriously, Orviske, you and your daughter need to come first now, it took a lot for you to finally do the right thing for you and you should be proud.... leave him to his recovery, and as Amy says, Action, not
words...
Grateful
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
do you want the father in the room with you when you deliver? i wont let mine be there, not that i really think he truly wants to
i wouldnt say if you really loved us, that usually dont work well, they look at that as a guilt trip
one way or another it will just all work out, im starting to figure that one out, when i first got pregnant i didnt see myself where i am today but for whatever reason this is the place im at, i just take it one day at a time
are you to the point your just ready to have the baby already? i am so ready to have his little butt out, its getting hard to sleep, breathe, or even walk lol
everything will work out
i wouldnt say if you really loved us, that usually dont work well, they look at that as a guilt trip
one way or another it will just all work out, im starting to figure that one out, when i first got pregnant i didnt see myself where i am today but for whatever reason this is the place im at, i just take it one day at a time
are you to the point your just ready to have the baby already? i am so ready to have his little butt out, its getting hard to sleep, breathe, or even walk lol
everything will work out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Wow, guys....
I really was just trying to make light of the situation.
What we have is a man having a 28 year old pity party.....who doesn't see the choices in front of him....
And so therefore, I was joking....
My friends and I were talkinga bout all the ways to get from here to there....
By bus, by train, by plane, hitchhiking, by boat, swimming, biking....walking....running.....sending yourself 1st class....
It was just good therapy for me to laugh it off. I appreciate everyone's advice, but I was just trying to make a little light of my situation.....
Sorry everyone took it the wrong way.......
I find that the more humor you have in life, the easier it is to get through it.
I hope everyone is well, and that I didn't offend anyone....
xoxox
K
I really was just trying to make light of the situation.
What we have is a man having a 28 year old pity party.....who doesn't see the choices in front of him....
And so therefore, I was joking....
My friends and I were talkinga bout all the ways to get from here to there....
By bus, by train, by plane, hitchhiking, by boat, swimming, biking....walking....running.....sending yourself 1st class....
It was just good therapy for me to laugh it off. I appreciate everyone's advice, but I was just trying to make a little light of my situation.....
Sorry everyone took it the wrong way.......
I find that the more humor you have in life, the easier it is to get through it.
I hope everyone is well, and that I didn't offend anyone....
xoxox
K
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by orviske
Wow, guys....
I really was just trying to make light of the situation.
What we have is a man having a 28 year old pity party.....who doesn't see the choices in front of him....
And so therefore, I was joking....
My friends and I were talkinga bout all the ways to get from here to there....
By bus, by train, by plane, hitchhiking, by boat, swimming, biking....walking....running.....sending yourself 1st class....
It was just good therapy for me to laugh it off. I appreciate everyone's advice, but I was just trying to make a little light of my situation.....
Sorry everyone took it the wrong way.......
I find that the more humor you have in life, the easier it is to get through it.
I hope everyone is well, and that I didn't offend anyone....
xoxox
K
I really was just trying to make light of the situation.
What we have is a man having a 28 year old pity party.....who doesn't see the choices in front of him....
And so therefore, I was joking....
My friends and I were talkinga bout all the ways to get from here to there....
By bus, by train, by plane, hitchhiking, by boat, swimming, biking....walking....running.....sending yourself 1st class....
It was just good therapy for me to laugh it off. I appreciate everyone's advice, but I was just trying to make a little light of my situation.....
Sorry everyone took it the wrong way.......
I find that the more humor you have in life, the easier it is to get through it.
I hope everyone is well, and that I didn't offend anyone....
xoxox
K
****{Orviske}}}, there is so much caring and love here for you, I don't see how any one could be offended....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
O, there are times we have made light of what the A has said or done in our lives. We've had several threads over the years of "famous sayings" the A has uttered. And, yes, they are funny ... in a pathetic, we-understand-the-addict kinda way.
A sense of humor has gotten me through some pretty ugly stuff. But I never forgot that the "stuff" I was going through was ugly.
Since your bf is unemployed, he just may try hitchhiking. As I said before, be prepared for him to start calling, emailing, text messaging, and doing it frequently.
I agree with Laurie 100% on this one. "If you really love me ..." is not relevant to the situation. Right now, this guy doesn't even love himself. He mistreated you, neglected you, neglected his own son, and there is the possibility he might pull "a geographic." In other words, he may show up on your doorstep.
Do you want this man, the way he is right now, to have anything to do with you or your baby? Sorry, O, but I just don't see the humor in this situation. Not when an unborn child is a major factor in the equation.
You have to say what you feel is right for you. Listening to an addict quacking who is doing nothing concrete to face the addiction(s) is just that - useless quacking.
Be careful and take care of yourself and your baby first. This guy needs to get his act together before he can be a good partner and parent.
A sense of humor has gotten me through some pretty ugly stuff. But I never forgot that the "stuff" I was going through was ugly.
Since your bf is unemployed, he just may try hitchhiking. As I said before, be prepared for him to start calling, emailing, text messaging, and doing it frequently.
I agree with Laurie 100% on this one. "If you really love me ..." is not relevant to the situation. Right now, this guy doesn't even love himself. He mistreated you, neglected you, neglected his own son, and there is the possibility he might pull "a geographic." In other words, he may show up on your doorstep.
Do you want this man, the way he is right now, to have anything to do with you or your baby? Sorry, O, but I just don't see the humor in this situation. Not when an unborn child is a major factor in the equation.
You have to say what you feel is right for you. Listening to an addict quacking who is doing nothing concrete to face the addiction(s) is just that - useless quacking.
Be careful and take care of yourself and your baby first. This guy needs to get his act together before he can be a good partner and parent.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Run Forrest run.
No, just kidding. I personally wouldn't want Whiner-Abuser-Man around when I was engaged in the hard work of bringing a strong new baby girl into the world. Your family might have feelings on the matter as well. Your choice, Kerry, but.....Seems like he'd make it all about him. Hmmm, just like he's doing now.
Hugs,
GL
No, just kidding. I personally wouldn't want Whiner-Abuser-Man around when I was engaged in the hard work of bringing a strong new baby girl into the world. Your family might have feelings on the matter as well. Your choice, Kerry, but.....Seems like he'd make it all about him. Hmmm, just like he's doing now.
Hugs,
GL
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