sketscher

xabf and I argued badly and I told him to stop calling for good. so instead he wrote an e-mail and now apologizes only for screwing things up and says he could f up a train wreck etc and says something of truth about how he wanted to do something nice for me. (see below if you want to know what he did and what I did). Do I simply ignore him????! I'm guessing yes. It just seems so cruel.

what happened was he was putting up siding for me, I was helping. In the mean time we had many moments of arguing, and one very bad moment over the phone that sent me over the edge and I completed the siding on my own. A great feat, I felt, for me!! but it angered him. so much that he even enlisted his mom's opinion, and she agrees I was wrong. I denied him the satisfaction of finishing a job he worked so hard on. In my mind I decided I am never putting up with his abusive language again, I was done with him. so i guess i could ask myself what is different now, huh?

Freedom1990

If you're done with him, then you are done with him, no?

ToughChoices

He may well be hurt if you don't talk to him -
That doesn't make it cruel to cut off contact.

It is not cruel to protect yourself from pain.

-TC

sketscher

I AM done. And I do want to protect myself from anymore pain. I am sick of crying myself to sleep. And there is nothing to salvage anyway.

THANK YOU!

AmpHusky

Sketcher, I will think of you at night when I go to sleep. That way you won't be alone. And I won't have to cry either.

Hang in there.

Freedom1990

I promise you, the day will come when you won't be crying yourself to sleep anymore! :ghug3

NoelleR

Hey sketscher ---

One thing we all (us grrls, anyway) need to remember is that the male of the species is notorously dense.... (o: I'm guessing that you didn't only mean no more phone calls, specifically.....I might suggest you send him a short, and FINAL e-mail explaining to him.....:

First off you might apologize for not making yourself more clear....When you said 'no more calls,' you were actually meaning to say 'no more contact,' none, no matter what kind.....which might include, but not limited to....: phone calls; e-mails; snail mail; radio calls; smoke signals.....just...NO MORE CONTACT of any kind............plzzzzzzzzzzzz............? KKKKKKKKKKKKKay?.........?

Now, I'm not saying this will dfinitely work....it's worked for me in the past, but then again, it's sometimes NOT worked for me.....go figure..... (o:

prodigal

You denied him the "satisfaction" of finishing the siding job because you wanted him out of your presence due to his abusing you. Nothing is different. You stood up for your boundaries, you finished the job yourself, and you are having to contend with him and his mother quacking at you.

The next time you begin to cry yourself to sleep, perhaps it would help if you started thinking positive thoughts; such as, YOU held your ground and said "enough!" and YOU finished the siding job on your own. Good for you!!!

Grieve the loss, but keep in mind that you stood firm when enough was enough.

splendra

(((((sketscher))))))

THis b/f sounds like an energy vampire to me. Protect yourself from him please.

denny57

This girl has been known to be notoriously dense herself.

YellowRed

I hear ya! Postgraduate education, successful career woman and well, I really really was incredibly blind and dense sometimes when all the facts should have told me different!

To sketscher: you put up siding by yourself? Respect! Bet you're wondering why you asked him in the first place...LOL!

sketscher

Just wanted to update this topic. The next day i broke down and wrote a short e-mail explaining that I understood his intention, trying to do something nice for me, but that until he faces and beats the sh*t out of this addiction (I know no one ever beats it but I liked the suggested wording from a friend so I used it) I cannot accept his friendship.

That very evening he called again but this time to come pick up his tools he left behind, he was trying so hard to be nice and funny, but guess what...he was drunk and it was obvious when he arrived.

So in a sense, I was relieved. Does that make sense? I was relieved that my decision is justified and I can now be done with him.

TooMuch4TooLong

Too true. I bought my own tools so the next time I can do it myself. Boo Yah.

sketscher

hey woman having our own tools..OH yah!!

I was darn proud too of completing that siding, that was no small task, it's looks as good as what he did and the people around me who are normal totally acknowledge and congratulate me. I amazed myself and to be honest I kind of felt like a higher power was looking out and helping me.