DolphinLover

Hello, I am new to this group. Just joined this morning.

Just thought I would say hi and say that I am very grateful to have found this forum.

I am fairly new to Alanon - and I have attended a few meetings, but I live in a very tiny town in a rural area and there are very few meetings. Only one during the week at a town about 10 miles away - and the couple of other meetings are in the evenings 7 and 10 miles away from where I live.

Now that fall/winter is approaching, I will probably not be able to attend meetings very often as we get heavy rain/wind - and black ice and snow eventually - and I am not comfortable driving in those conditions. (Tree limbs falling, etc.)

Question:
I know I need to have/find a sponsor - at one of my meetings. Any advice on how to decide on who to ask - and how do I ask? I feel awkward asking for a sponsor - but I keep hearing people speak about their sponsors. I am suffering from so much anxiety and depression because ANOTHER family member has "crossed over" from being a (social drinker) - (drink to relax drinker) to alcoholism. Having BIG personality changes when drinking, anger, always needing a drink at dinner, etc. AND being very angry, sarcastic, etc. when she has not had a drink...........

(My grandfather/father/ex-husband/oldest son were/are alcoholics). Now I have a sibling - one who I used to feel so close to - who is having big time drinking problems. I almost feel like this person has died! I don't even want to be around this person but I feel so guilty avoiding this family member.

I will be using this group/forum as a back-up for the days and nights when I can't get out to a meeting. Again, I am SO glad to have found this website.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for any suggestions.

DL

Learning how

Welcome, I use this forum as a meeting sometimes also. I don't like to go to eve meetings as like you wrote it means a drive back into town. (25 miles round trip I wear scrubs at work and its not approp to go to meeting with out changing. IMO ) Not that far but sometimes its hard to get up and moving again.

As to finding a sponser. I went to many meetings and found someone whos program I liked. I took a while for me to find my first sponser as I was afraid to ask.... I didn't want impose on anyone, then what if they said no... I had some crazy thinking. Any way the first person I asked did say no as she already had several people she was working with. The second person said yes. She eneded up moving after we had gotten as far as step 5.

I started over, again looking for a person who seemed to have a good program. You can just tell by the way the share. My sponser ended up asking me if I needed a sponser, she said she wanted to help me finish the steps. This is getting long... hope it helped.

nowinsituation

I have been going to Alanon for about 9 months - and a couple of weeks ago finally asked someone to be my sponsor. I had many of the same feers as Learning How -- didn't want to impose, what if they say no??? The group I attend is pretty small and I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to have your sponsor also be in your group. I realized that I was not going to make any more progress until I got serious about working the steps. In order to work the steps I needed a sponsor. So I asked for help during a share (hoping actually that someone would offer after the meeting to be my sponsor to save me the trouble, but that didn't happen). I did however get advice, and that was to find someone who you want to be like and ask them. There was one such woman in my group, I asked her and she graciously accepted. The risk has definately been worthwhile for me.

endzoner

Hey Dol Welcome to the family of SR , your in good hands here , Theres many who can share better on this topic then I can but . Take a big breath things will be ok . I understand and can relate to the long distance on winter roads. living in a rual area, hav a meeting but I often desire a big city style meeting , where i learn more , SR has ben a big time help in such cases for myself . Seems to me in snow covered areas they should have more daytime meetings cuz of the conditions but thats how it is i recon .. But were glad your here , Lookin forward to reading your shares .. :ghug3

cmc

Welcome to SR!

Ago

welcome to SR

To find a sponsor, I look for someone "who has what I want", what I mean by that, is look for someone who has the qualities I am searching for, for me, someone who can navigate the perils and pitfalls of life and relationships and remain calm, and "keep their side of the street clean" under any conditions, because personally that's what I'm working on at the moment, and find out how they did it.

Look for someone who's shares you relate to, go out to coffee with people, show up early and leave late, preferably someone who has a "lot" of time, although that's not always the only criteria, they say, "stick with the winners", find a "winner" and go for it.

DolphinLover

Thanks everyone for your responses and suggestions. I had a really rough day today - I saw my alcoholic last night and was so confused and depressed today. Luckily I had a phone list from one of my meetings and I got the courage to call one of the members on the list who seems very wise and had been very kind to me.

Thankfully, she was home, she remembered me, and took the time to talk to me for a little while. She gave me much insight today during our phone call. I really couldn't believe how much better I felt after our conversation!

I think I will try to get to know her a little better - and who knows, maybe she is the one I might end up asking to sponsor me.

I've been reading many posts here tonight; wow - there is so much wisdom among the members here! I am truly grateful, again, to have found this group. Because there are so few meetings near where I live, I feel that coming here is like finding another meeting - which is just great!

Kitkatt

Welcome to SR. I haven't been here long either, but this is a wonderful place with kind hearted people willing to share and I agree with you, it has lifted me up so much to share and listen to the wisdom that is abundant here.
So glad you had a good talk with someone to help you feel better.
__________________________
Bloom where you are planted.