I Hate When He Touches Me
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Oh yeah.. I second almost everything that has been said here. He gets very upset when I turn him down but I just can't help it, it creeps me out. It's gross! And I'm only 28..LOL
He's made it up in his mind that I'm only mad when he comes home really late. So he'll come home at like 8:30, while our DD is still up and running around, walk in the house, come up stairs and literally say.. come on.. let me stick it in. Are you kidding me? Especially after the things he routinely says to me about my pregnant a**, wobbling, and flopping on the bed.. etc etc. I don't think so. I'll say no I don't want that, he'll say but I do. I'll say no and he'll so gentelmanly tell me he'll just "take it then." Oh yeah.. that's really going to make me want to give in. Good grief.. sometimes they are sooo clueless.
He's made it up in his mind that I'm only mad when he comes home really late. So he'll come home at like 8:30, while our DD is still up and running around, walk in the house, come up stairs and literally say.. come on.. let me stick it in. Are you kidding me? Especially after the things he routinely says to me about my pregnant a**, wobbling, and flopping on the bed.. etc etc. I don't think so. I'll say no I don't want that, he'll say but I do. I'll say no and he'll so gentelmanly tell me he'll just "take it then." Oh yeah.. that's really going to make me want to give in. Good grief.. sometimes they are sooo clueless.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
I'll say no and he'll so gentelmanly tell me he'll just "take it then."
The more I think about this, I wonder what has changed, besides me getting older and my hormones being off. Because we never had this problem before, I mean I guess I was more sexual before, but I never remember him being so disrespectful and wanting to grope me like he does all the time. Maybe it's because we are having less sex?
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Maybe there are just a lot of guys out there that think that crotch-grabbing is going to get women in the mood. Maybe it would for THEM, who knows.
Conversely, maybe women think flowers and candles are going to get guys in the mood...but my husband comes in and says, "Was it smelly in here or something?"
But having the grabbing thing happen repeatedly with some guys, despite really clear statements that not only is it NOT going to have the intended consequences, but is really going to have the OPPOSITE effect.......that's not clueless, that's disrespectful and downright stupid.
I guess when we decide to stay with alcoholics despite their lousy drunken behavior, we send a signal that they can pretty much get away with other stuff too, because they know we're not going anywhere. I know my XABF would never have tried half the stuff he did before we moved in together, but after he "had" me and I didn't seem inclined to leave....it was anything goes.
A cage match between menopausal women and horny alcoholics.......oh, man, the carnage.....
Conversely, maybe women think flowers and candles are going to get guys in the mood...but my husband comes in and says, "Was it smelly in here or something?"
But having the grabbing thing happen repeatedly with some guys, despite really clear statements that not only is it NOT going to have the intended consequences, but is really going to have the OPPOSITE effect.......that's not clueless, that's disrespectful and downright stupid.
I guess when we decide to stay with alcoholics despite their lousy drunken behavior, we send a signal that they can pretty much get away with other stuff too, because they know we're not going anywhere. I know my XABF would never have tried half the stuff he did before we moved in together, but after he "had" me and I didn't seem inclined to leave....it was anything goes.
A cage match between menopausal women and horny alcoholics.......oh, man, the carnage.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
I guess when we decide to stay with alcoholics despite their lousy drunken behavior, we send a signal that they can pretty much get away with other stuff too, because they know we're not going anywhere.
Originally Posted by GiveLove
A cage match between menopausal women and horny alcoholics.......oh, man, the carnage.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
As a man, the same thing is true for me. My AW becomes very, very, enthused about sex when she drinks. However, its a meaningless empty act. When I do refuse, then its katy bar the door as she goes into a furious rage. Other times, she uses refusal of that to punish me for whatever I do. Its a psychotic game I'm stuck in. Its also pretty sick.
Redd
Redd
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
I am 45 years old too. We have alot of stress in our lives right now. My mood swings are horrible yelling and screaming. When spouse is drinking and starts groping it makes me ill beyond belief. The old " I love you crap" and "do you know how beautiful you are" mind you never says it when hes sober. We have a 3 bdrm home just the tow of us now I go into my room and lock the door. The first few times he would knock to come in and I would tell him to get lost. Truly what women wants to sleep with a drooling drunk. I find it extremeley disrespectul to be grabbing or piching someone when they dont want to be.
Put aside not drinking, I no longer feel any attraction to my spouse sexually. I thinks its the alcohol in the past. Too many past bad feeling. As for menopause men truly do not understand.
Put aside not drinking, I no longer feel any attraction to my spouse sexually. I thinks its the alcohol in the past. Too many past bad feeling. As for menopause men truly do not understand.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Originally Posted by Soconfused11
I hear this from Chris, too. Jokingly, but yet not.
The more I think about this, I wonder what has changed, besides me getting older and my hormones being off. Because we never had this problem before, I mean I guess I was more sexual before, but I never remember him being so disrespectful and wanting to grope me like he does all the time. Maybe it's because we are having less sex?
The more I think about this, I wonder what has changed, besides me getting older and my hormones being off. Because we never had this problem before, I mean I guess I was more sexual before, but I never remember him being so disrespectful and wanting to grope me like he does all the time. Maybe it's because we are having less sex?
I think this too. However I also think he has cause me so much other pain that I no longer find him desierable. I want to. I still have my sexual feelings.. they just aren't really fullfilled by him. (No one else either.. I'm not saying that..LOL) He's always saying.. well I'm tired of begging for it, or I won't beg for it. Well, then stop begging for it.. it's not very becoming anyway.
Originally Posted by GiveLove
A cage match between menopausal women and horny alcoholics.......oh, man, the carnage.....
A cage match between menopausal women and horny alcoholics.......oh, man, the carnage.....
Originally Posted by GiveLove
But having the grabbing thing happen repeatedly with some guys, despite really clear statements that not only is it NOT going to have the intended consequences, but is really going to have the OPPOSITE effect.......that's not clueless, that's disrespectful and downright stupid.
But having the grabbing thing happen repeatedly with some guys, despite really clear statements that not only is it NOT going to have the intended consequences, but is really going to have the OPPOSITE effect.......that's not clueless, that's disrespectful and downright stupid.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 184
I'm with you there Redd....
I think alot of my reluctance built up over the years. The nastiness and mean and vulgar names weren't exactly my idea of foreplay. I tried to explain to him that he was chipping away at the desire I had early on with his actions. He finally just got me to the point that I no longer felt it was a loving relationship. I am one of those people who tie love and a sexual relationship together, not just because he needs it or demands it. Now, I don't think he could perform if he wanted to.
I think alot of my reluctance built up over the years. The nastiness and mean and vulgar names weren't exactly my idea of foreplay. I tried to explain to him that he was chipping away at the desire I had early on with his actions. He finally just got me to the point that I no longer felt it was a loving relationship. I am one of those people who tie love and a sexual relationship together, not just because he needs it or demands it. Now, I don't think he could perform if he wanted to.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florence, Kentucky
Posts: 116
My XAGF would put my hand down there at night when she had been drinking a lot. Other days I thought she was being playful, and I would grab and try to play. Then get yelled at for it. I didn't know what was acceptable.
How to the women here feel about spooning and the man holding a B****t, that oK? lol
Just asking.
How to the women here feel about spooning and the man holding a B****t, that oK? lol
Just asking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I've probably done enough damage to gender relations today so .....
There's a big difference between someone holding you tenderly and someone holding you tenderly because they know that after seven minutes they can 'get some.' I think the OP's problem is a third thing, the ones who can't be bothered with the tenderness at all, and go right for the grabbing. Seriously, I don't know of one women I've ever known who dug that, not unless she was drunk too.
Peace to the dudes on this forum with A spouses, I know you're not having an easy time of it either. Alcoholics totally churn out mixed messages. You almost need one of those wristband playbooks that the college QBs wear..... "uh...what do I do here again?...."
There's a big difference between someone holding you tenderly and someone holding you tenderly because they know that after seven minutes they can 'get some.' I think the OP's problem is a third thing, the ones who can't be bothered with the tenderness at all, and go right for the grabbing. Seriously, I don't know of one women I've ever known who dug that, not unless she was drunk too.
Peace to the dudes on this forum with A spouses, I know you're not having an easy time of it either. Alcoholics totally churn out mixed messages. You almost need one of those wristband playbooks that the college QBs wear..... "uh...what do I do here again?...."
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 184
There's a big difference between someone holding you tenderly and someone holding you tenderly because they know that after seven minutes they can 'get some.'
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Bottom line for me in reading through this thread is it's definitely a hot topic. (no pun intended;o)
I hope for the future that if I do get into another relationship there is none of this sort of disrespect. I spent many years putting up with too much of it, sleeping alone while STBXAH sat downstairs drinking. IMHO- what is the point of having a partner if you are locking them out of your bedroom? By that time it seems the relationship is over. By the same token- sleeping alone night after night while he slept on the couch with his bottles should have been my wake up call- but it wasn't. Now I know better.
I hope for the future that if I do get into another relationship there is none of this sort of disrespect. I spent many years putting up with too much of it, sleeping alone while STBXAH sat downstairs drinking. IMHO- what is the point of having a partner if you are locking them out of your bedroom? By that time it seems the relationship is over. By the same token- sleeping alone night after night while he slept on the couch with his bottles should have been my wake up call- but it wasn't. Now I know better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: sacramento california
Posts: 217
a little more information
my situation is a little different, I am the alcoholic and I'm not sure when or if he drinks (although I'm pretty sure sometimes); his disrespectful behavior started in the beginning and I didn't verbally stop him, I would push his hand away in public, etc; also, since we bought the house a year ago his bad habits have gotten worse, not just the sexual stuff but other things that gross me out or just **** me off; I am so mad right now that when/if he calls at lunch time, I'm letting him have it; I have told myself that the only time I can have sex with him is when I'm drunk, and lately it appears that if he suspects I've been drinking he doesn't try anything; I hope I can convince myself to go to a meeting right after work
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 164
I am glad I read this as I have the same problem. I feel very disrespected when he comes up and grabs at me. I would love to get a hug and only a hug from time to time. It might make me feel loved. Another area in my life where the words and actions just don't always match up.
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Wow talk about a walk down memory lane.......soooooo many many times my XAH would accuse me of being stone cold, prude, cold fish....ect... and like all of you all he would do is grab and grab some more...grope and grope some more. Man I am so glad to read that it is not just me.......whew !!! I hated that more than anything that he did. He never cared or looked to see which teenager might be watching either. That SOB...
Janitw
Janitw
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