Reddmax

Why is it that any type of courtesy is so hard for the Alcoholic to do, even if they aren't toasted to the gills?

The AW had a day trip today, which started at 5:00 AM today. The issues started last night, when she was drinking. We're watching TV, and in the middle of a program she wanted to watch, she gets up and leaves and starts working on homework. Meanwhile, I've gotten interested in the show, and I continue to watch. Then she runs into a question that she doesn't quite understand and yells at me to help her. I give her a quick explanation of what the question means, and turn to go back to the show. She gets mad, because she doesn't understand the explanation, even though the theory was in her last class that she drank her way through. So I go into more detail. By the time I get back, the shows over, and I didn't get to see the end.

I rewind it (Tivo is wonderful), and start to watch where I left off. I get interrupted again. Different question, same principle.... so I answer it for her. By this time its getting late, and since she has to get up at 4:30, we should be going to bed. She doesn't want to go to bed. So I do. Then, about a half an hour later, she comes to bed, wakes me up, and we have to watch TV. She then falls asleep without turning the TV off. I have to do that. I can then fall asleep. I get woken up at 3:30 AM, because she woke up dehydrated, got water, and now wants to watch TV and is looking for the remote.

Aiiighhhhh..... its enough to drive you mad.

Redd

Mr B

Is this a trick question?

The answer is, of course, that it's all about them and what they want. What you want or need is spectacularly irrelevant.

theotherone

You are too kind Redd...I would have removed myself from that situation early on. I fortunately, do not have unwelcome interruptions throughout my evening and if something is important, I do make the time to address it. However, when my A rudely demands my attention, he just simply doesn't get it. I have had to make other sleeping arrangements to get a good nights rest for my own good and emotional health, i.e., another room or even the couch at times. I learned that when I answered his rudeness or accepted his controlling behavior, it remained a way of life.

justaboutus

Redd, You're asking for rationality from an alcoholic. Alcoholics aren't rational...

OverItNow

"and we have to watch TV."

Bolded emphasis mine. We don't have to watch tv Redd. I know it's difficult--I go weeks sleeping on the couch or other rooms of the house like others above have stated, but I if I don't remove myself from the situation, I am the only one up. The AH sleeps like a baby after he's done with his rants, questions and general insanity. Sounds like your AW does as well.

Reddmax

Right..... I know.... how do you get them to keep from following you around when you do move to get sleep?

Redd

ToughChoices

Not to be indelicate, but, a separate residence may be in order given her particular behavioral patterns and the way they affect you.

You can sleep well if you make it a priority.

Reddmax

I'm working on it......

Redd

Stubborn1

I have to agree with moving or sleeping in another room.

YellowRed

Enabling slightly? Doing her homework?

I also tried getting stbxAH to sleep in another room; didn't stop him periodically throughout the night 'accidentally' coming into my room, turning the lights on whilst he looked for something realy important; subling over the bed etc. I would often then move to the other room I'd asked him to sleep in, only to have him follow me in there later.... it wasn't until I left and lived somewhere else that I realised I hadn't had a straight night's sleep for more than a year.

My sympathies, but you need to work out whether YOU can put up with it. Sounds like she has it pretty rosy...

Lilyflower

I have one question for you...

Why? You don't have to respond to anyone YELLING at you.

Again, Why? She can't understand because of her own attitude to her work in class, and you ended up loosing out.

Why Redd? if she can't do it, it's her fault not yours.

Why? The last few months of my relationship with the ex, we did not sleep in the same room. You can do this too.

Why? Stop babysitting her, you are the example of a perfect enabler right now Redd.

She has gotta feel those consequences - she doesn't pay attention in class, then she fails. She wakes up at all hours and has TV on when you are trying to rest, then she doesn't get to sleep with you. Stop expecting rational from an addict, it DOESN'T HAPPEN!

Trust me on that, trust your own experiences!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

queenteree

Redd, I put up a boundary w/my AH that if he was drinking/drunk, he'd sleep upstairs in our den/guestroom. Then I'd lock our bedroom door. At first, he'd bang on the door, etc., and as much as it woke me up the first couple of nights, after a while, he gave up. It's kinda like when you have a kid throwing a temper tantrum, you don't give in to him/her right? If you did, they'd pull it all the time. Just be strong and think of her as a child throwing a temper tantrum. It'll help you get thru it.

Reddmax

Sometimes I think that the AW is psychic. I think its rather weird for her to act like this on the same day I hired an attorney. Though to be completely objective, the behavior only started after she started drinking last night. Before that, she was actually relatively nice.

Redd

prodigal

After Lilyflower posted these direct questions, you proceed to discuss your AW again. You don't answer the "why's?". Instead, you speculate as to your AW being psychic. Her annoying behavior started after she started drinking. That is when the acting out starts. We've all been there and we know this.

I guess until you are willing to look at yourself and examine what's going on inside your head, you will continue to speculate on what she's doing, why she's doing it, and discuss her latest shenanigans that are bothering you.

Your life. Your choice.

Ago

I don't know about you Redd but this post nailed me right to the wall....I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.....

OK, Off to meet my sponsor have a great day everyone

Reddmax

I'm an appeaser. That is a huge problem for me. Like silverberry noted in her thread, its hard for some of us to have someone mad at us. I've got to grow a pair, and don't let her run over me.

Redd

LaTeeDa

Great insight! Now the next step, how can you go about changing your behavior so that it's no longer a big problem for you?

L

Reddmax

I'm not going to let her run over me tonight. If she's even home. I think her psycho radar is pinging pretty well right now.

If she yells, I'm going to tell her I'm not going to respond until she asks me nicely.

If she wants to watch TV in bed and keep me up, I'll sleep in the other bedroom.

If she wants to fall asleep with the TV on, thats her problem.

If she goes nuts on me, I'll leave.

Redd

TooMuch4TooLong

Why tell her anything Redd? Just don't respond period. She is looking for a response, any response. Is it just me or do the A's strongly resemble children from a bad environment in that any attention be it good or bad is attention and therefore worth having?

Redd, sometimes you just have to be bigger than the room.

Why let someone else run your life like this? I would not allow my daughter to treat me like that and she is a child. Why allow another adult?

coyote21

I called the police.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote