AmpHusky

I gave the XAGF until last night to get her stuff. Some stuff she got a few days early, and the rest she never came to get. Her sister came by to get the personal items like pictures, yearbooks, and the like today. The rest I took to goodwill. We discussed it and figured it would be better to let her loose everything, we can't kept bailing her out. I feel that I am done with her and ready to move on. I was only with her for about a 1yr. I have now decided to break all contact with her.

Now, I still have her old furniture which she as no way to get, and left a message on my phone says she didn't care what happened to it. I will save that for a later date if needed. She never would sign a paper to officially give it to me for the money she owed. Not that I ever thought she would pay it back.


I know a lot of you have been going through this for a longer time then me. I can only imagine how much worse it could have been. I know I will never go back to her, but I still hope she can hit her rock bottom soon. It is a shame that it came to this. Now all she as left is a car, and two car loads of clothes and worthless stuff.

TooMuch4TooLong

Amp when my stbxah left a bunch of tools behind I took them all to the curb and let the first takers grab them. It may have been mean but it felt great. Later I told some friends about it and they looked at me like I lost my mind and asked why didn't I sell them. Money was not the issue then and while it kind of is now that was not my reasoning. I lashed out, acted out and like I said, it felt great, immature as hell but hey I never said I was perfect. In retrospect, I could have donated what I didn't need or want to someone who did need. That may be something to consider. Just a thought.

Stubborn1

Can you send her a registered letter letting her know she has X amount of time to remove the furniture and her belongs before you do away with them? I'd hate to see it turn around and bite you in the butt. If she doesn't get it or contact you about it then you can keep it or do what you want.
Tossing someone's personal items to the curb is illegal and they can take legal action.
Let go with love.

AmpHusky

I did take it to Goodwill, I thought about selling it too. They asked if I wanted a receipt, I said no. It wasn't mine to claim. I didn't do it out of hate or anything. Her sister had the room for it, and she didn't want to take it either. I just felt it was the next stage in her alcoholism. The XAGF parents paid over a year for that stuff to be in storage, and I paid another 3 months. The A only seems to worry about the moment. Maybe some day she will understand it was a necessary evil of the addiction.

AmpHusky

I understand what you mean, but she had 3 weeks to get it, and I do have a verbal message on my phone from her stating she didn't care. I think her 2 arrest related to drinking is enough. I will most likely extend the current domestic violence order on her this coming week.

Besides, you need money to take legal action.

TooMuch4TooLong

I didn't do what I did out of hate, just immaturity and anger. Can I make a different suggestion? How about a domestic violence shelter? As an aside, I felt incredibly bad after but at least I gave the things that belonged to both of us that I could not move to people I know really needed them. I don't hate him now or ever, at the time I perceived that he chose booze over me. Now I know there was never really a choice.

AmpHusky

She got most of what she wanted the first two days. Most of the clothes that I took weren't really that important. She had time to come get them.

I like what you said about a choice over you or booze. I don't know if I agree totally, because we always seem to say it is up to the A's to quit.

TooMuch4TooLong

Well Amp that is exactly it. He (in my case) had the power to choose. He could have chosen to stay with his family who loves him or he could have chosen to continue to drink. There was no ultimatum there, he simply chose to drink himself into poverty with the assumption that I would be there to pick up the pieces. I chose not to pick up the pieces anymore. I advised him of my decision, he decided not to change. He is where he is and I am where I am.
Do what you can do to get her personal things to her and things you know have a meaning. Since reading Stubborn's post I do feel bad as there where a couple of things I know he would not have left had he been in the right frame of mind. Again, he knew I had to get everything out of the house by a certain time on a certain day. He had the choice to take them or not. He chose not to.

There are no accidents in life. Every thing is a choice and everything happens because of the choices we make. Peace to you Amp in your new life.

AmpHusky

Thanks for everyone's posts. I did get the personal things to family. Which I made sure she knew I would, I don't think she believed me. I think her mind is far gone now. Her sisters have become detached long ago. Which to me seemed harsh, but I understand it now that this day is here. I told the sister to keep me posted, I would like to know if she ever get sober, or dies. I will still pray she gets sober.

kj3880

And I will pray that you continue to detach yourself from the situation and don't let her reel you back in. Be very aware that it is common for alcoholics to get sober for a period of time, try to get their loved ones back in the picture right away, then start drinking again. If she gets sober, give her a decent amount of time by herself to stay sober before you reinvolve yourself. Know what I mean? Like a year or so.
KJ

gns

Amp, I think you handled things very well. Good for you for finding a great balance between giving her back her stuff, your self-value and boundaries, and your values!

AmpHusky

Well, now she texted me this morning. She wants to sell her car to me so she can move back to Florida. I have a little money, not as mush as she wants. Her phone is out of service now, except for texting. She wanted me to charge, I don't think so. I may try to use it as a way to get her to sign the paper for her furniture.

She always said she was happiest in Florida, and that she just wanted to go back there. I think we all know that it won't matter at this point. If she makes it down there she is still in the same boat. The boat just moved.

Still playing the game, but carefully.

denny57

I love this stuff! xAH wrote to me (actually his gf did) and asked me to pay him $10,000 for the years-old furniture and tupperware. My favorite was the last sentence - "this represents a great gift to Ms. ______." ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

Hang in there.

kj3880

Amp,
You don't owe her one thing. I know your story, and if anything, she owes you thousands of dollars. Stay away from her and save your sanity. Let that "toothless hillbilly" that you say she picked up with pay for the trip to Florida. Quack, quack, quack.
I'd bundle that furniture up and drive it all over to her parents house and put it in the garage before I'd let her near me.

You know and I know that your continual thinking about that furniture is just your way of keeping yourself in the game and continuing your obsession and addiction--to her. Let it die.
KJ

AmpHusky

Thanks KJ, I probably will, I was thinking of that today. I told her that in the text this morning. I agree she is quacking. She hasn't texted since this morning. I only answered out of curiosity. I knew better.

AmpHusky

What is up with the paranoia? I am still picking up the phone when the XAGF calls, just for to hear the crazy talk. She start to ask questions about the stem caps on her car tires, and says the car is shaking really bad. Like I had anything to do with it. Then accuses my XW of messing with her car. No body knows where she is staying except her, and her new Host(she's a parasite now).

TooMuch4TooLong

Amp stop doing this to yourself! For heaven's sake! You are only hurting yourself by taking her calls love, you know that. As far as the car goes it sounds like she needs a new tire, she is probably showing tread on the inside or outside edge of one of them depending on whether or not it is a front wheel (most likely) or four wheel drive. If you talk to her again tell her to take her car to a tire shop and have her tires checked. Then put the phone down, turn off the ringer, what ever you have to do to not become involved in her brand of crazy. I am not trying to sound mean or harsh but she made it through life for how many years before you came along, I think she can take care of herself from here. Peace.

AmpHusky

You are correct. I know I need to stop picking up the phone. Yes, her tired needed replaced when we went to buy. She was drunk at the time we bought. It was her own money thought.

I will stop picking it up.