blessed4x

He spent all day trying to hook me. I was amazingly serene today (thanks HP). Tonight he followed me from room to room asking why I wasn't as angry as he was. I calmly replied that I wasn't going to put my energy into something I had no control over and went back to folding laundry. He paced some more.........upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside. Finally he came in, got his stuff and said he was going to find a place to stay, probably a motel, but he couldn't be here in this "hostile environment".

Too bad he is taking the "hostile environment" with him, cause it's peaceful as can be in my world.

I have to credit all I've learned here and through the books recommended and the stickies, because if this had happened 3 months ago there would have been MUCH more drama. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but as far as I'm concerned I'm ready to make this a more permanent arrangement.

TooMuch4TooLong

Blessed, you sound great with this, I am so happy you are at peace. I know you have struggled with your heart as we all do at this point. I am glad you are able to be so level and calm. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here for tonight enjoy your serenity. Much peace to you luv.

AmpHusky

I think you are doing the best thing for you. Stand your ground.

wish he'd quit

Im so happy you are able to get some peace. I have been doing the same thing in not responding out of anger or responding to anything with out thinking about it first. My counselor actually told me yesterday that he was impressed that I'm keeping my cool even when AH is making stupid mistakes. But I am thinking along the same lines as you. No use in trying to control something I have no control over.

blessed4x

Thanks for the support. I spent some time this evening playing horse (basketball) with my 12 year old.....and almost beat him! Talked with the older 2 a little about dad leaving, and that they don't need to take ownership for his behavior. As he left he yelled "You know when we met we both drank AND USED DRUGS. That's what our relationship was based on." Hello....that was over 20 years ago when we were in college.

It just seems eerily calm here. Even the dog is relaxed. I'm sure the emotions will come, but for tonight I'm good.

Stubborn1

You rock chickie! Great job!!

Bernadette

(((blessed4x)))
Too bad he is taking the "hostile environment" with him, cause it's peaceful as can be in my world.
Isn't that the truth!
Prayers for continued strength and peace of mind for you and your children.
Peace-
B.

FormerDoormat

Letting him go is the best thing for you, your children, and for him. I'm glad you've found peace. In hindsight, it's not so hard to find, is it?

blessed4x

He came back.....as if nothing happened. Couldn't let him get away with that though. By the time I got home from church he was well into a case of beer. I told him I am not willing to live with him if he can not look at his alcoholism and it's effects on the rest of us. He said he WILL NOT quit drinking. I thanked him for being so sure of his decision and let him know I'd be getting back in contact with the attorney I consulted with this summer.

Gosh, it was better when he was gone last night. I totally fell off the wagon tonight, checked his cell, found some calls to and from the same number last night around the time he left, did a reverse lookup and it was a female around our age. Did a public records search and found out she's been married/divirced 3 times.....UUGGGGHHHH! At least I know when I'm done being a codie I have a promising future as a private detective.

Be gentle with me.....I'm feeling a little fragile and I recognize the error of my ways.

Chrysalis123

Well that sentence made me laugh outloud. Not at you, but at me because I have been there, done that. You know sometimes you gotta know to know. I know I needed to see what my XAH was up to a few times for the reality of my situation to sink in. For me, that was part of my recovery.

Baby steps!

Lilyflower

blessed, you are doing wonderful, you really are! It is so hard to change the habits we have lived with for so long, but in time and with practice, we reinforce our new ways and it gets easier to maintain, so be patient with yourself!

I hope you find the resolve to stick to your guns. My exabf would storm out saying he had left me, he was not coming back etc, then would turn up again the next day usually drunk and just fall back into life like he had not said what he had, and would even deny it.

They think they can say what they want, plus they don't have the resolve to follow through with their words, it is too much effort to find somewhere else to live, they may not find such a comfy pad again etc!

I remember when I told my ex to go and gave him a date, he started looking around at places. To my knowledge he looked at one place and told me it was damp and had mold and was cold. He said it was a dump and he couldn't live there. I guess he wanted sympathy from me, for me to tell him he didn't have to go. By that time I was at the place were I thought, it is not my problem if that is all you can afford because you lost your job and can't hold down another, plus you have worn out your welcome with me.

In the end because of his complacent can't be bothered attitude where he thought he could change my mind, he had no where to go to. I was afraid he would not go, I had people on stand by to come over and make him leave if needed on the day; I stood my ground with the date (I had gave him a month) and he had to go, he ended up bedding down on a sofa in his dad's, which is where he still is 7 months later.

Bottom line is, it is very hard to get rid of an addict, sometimes it is necessary to be hard and cold and force them out to finally get them gone.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx