Am i wrong????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
Am i wrong????
Am i wrong to think that a recovering alcoholic cant get drunk occasionally and it be nothing??
My ABF seems to think im wrong, he sees it as a 'blip' and that hes in control cos he lasted 2 weeks instead of the usual one week before getting hammered.
He bumped into a friend after seeing his drinking mentor and decided to go for a drink with him, 1 turned into 10 and i got a call at 9.15 pm asking why i didnt care and hung up.
Today its no big deal and hes fine. Im making too much out of the situation and making him sound like a right b*****d.
I just dont get this behaviour when he is trying to get his life sorted out and it frustrates me no end.
All i want is a relationship were the attention is on ME and not his drinking.
sam.xx
My ABF seems to think im wrong, he sees it as a 'blip' and that hes in control cos he lasted 2 weeks instead of the usual one week before getting hammered.
He bumped into a friend after seeing his drinking mentor and decided to go for a drink with him, 1 turned into 10 and i got a call at 9.15 pm asking why i didnt care and hung up.
Today its no big deal and hes fine. Im making too much out of the situation and making him sound like a right b*****d.
I just dont get this behaviour when he is trying to get his life sorted out and it frustrates me no end.
All i want is a relationship were the attention is on ME and not his drinking.
sam.xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
You are absolutely right! I am an alcoholic very involved in AA and recovery. Your abf is in denial and using a common drunk manipulation trick. Do not let down on your beliefs. We will do what ever it takes to get our loved ones to get off our back. Sorry he hasnt seen the light yet. The drinking mentor would not have promoted this action from him. He could'nt pull that "blip" crap with a sponsor or mentor. Try not to fall for the maniplation tactics of us alcoholics. I hope you find what you truely deserve. In recovery we are told we must take care of ourselves first. You should do the same. LOL
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
You are so very right actually.
If he is an alcoholic like me then 1 drink is too many. 1 drink brings back the insanity, the irrational behavior and leads to the next drink, and then the 10th drink and so on. That's why they say it isn't the caboose that kills you, its the engine.
If he is truly in recovery he should know this but he does have to want recovery for himself, it cannot be forced on him. Maybe he is at a point where he really doesn't want to accept that he has a problem and he therefore does not want to stop drinking.
Is he doing anything like AA, treatment or anything to work on staying sober? Does he drink small amounts between drunks as part of his controlled drinking?
I know for me, it was only during the later stage of my drinking career that I actively tried to control my drinking. I fell down hard many times because alcoholics cannot control their drinking, yet I continued to pick up no matter what the damage was. Alcoholics can keep from getting drunk every day up to a point, but sooner or later it will spiral out of control.
I hope that he is able to control his problem, I couldn't but I am not saying it is impossible. If he cannot, then I hope he finds recovery soon.
Most of all I hope that you find serenity and happiness, that is the most important thing.
:praying
If he is an alcoholic like me then 1 drink is too many. 1 drink brings back the insanity, the irrational behavior and leads to the next drink, and then the 10th drink and so on. That's why they say it isn't the caboose that kills you, its the engine.
If he is truly in recovery he should know this but he does have to want recovery for himself, it cannot be forced on him. Maybe he is at a point where he really doesn't want to accept that he has a problem and he therefore does not want to stop drinking.
Is he doing anything like AA, treatment or anything to work on staying sober? Does he drink small amounts between drunks as part of his controlled drinking?
I know for me, it was only during the later stage of my drinking career that I actively tried to control my drinking. I fell down hard many times because alcoholics cannot control their drinking, yet I continued to pick up no matter what the damage was. Alcoholics can keep from getting drunk every day up to a point, but sooner or later it will spiral out of control.
I hope that he is able to control his problem, I couldn't but I am not saying it is impossible. If he cannot, then I hope he finds recovery soon.
Most of all I hope that you find serenity and happiness, that is the most important thing.
:praying
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
He has completed a drink awareness/relapse course, had one supervised home detox,regularly visited 2 different alcohol centres for meetings with mentors, has accupunture every week to help the cravings.
He does tend to have weekly binges which recently have lasted from one day up to three days.
Until yesterday he'd been drink free for two weeks. His thoughts on this today was that it was progress cos it was a week longer than usual!
I find this so frustrating cos he doesnt get the fact it shouldnt happen at all if he is to recover fully.
But im making him out to be a bad person when i mention this.
Jeez why do i bother?
So glad i decided to go shopping today instead of seeing him, it made me so much happier!!!!
He does tend to have weekly binges which recently have lasted from one day up to three days.
Until yesterday he'd been drink free for two weeks. His thoughts on this today was that it was progress cos it was a week longer than usual!
I find this so frustrating cos he doesnt get the fact it shouldnt happen at all if he is to recover fully.
But im making him out to be a bad person when i mention this.
Jeez why do i bother?
So glad i decided to go shopping today instead of seeing him, it made me so much happier!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
Posts: 111
The first time I said to my (now) XAGF that I could no longer live with her drinking, she stopped for a couple of weeks. She then had the "occasional" drink, which turned into regular drinks, which became frequent heavy drinking, which ended up back to black-out drinking with all the aggression and abuse as before.
We went round the "it's me or the booze" thing a few more times with her lasting a bit longer sober each time until, in the end, it dawned on me that the only person who wanted her to stop drinking for good was me. She wanted to have the bad things stop happening when she drank, but she was going to take the risk anyway as she sure as hell had no intention of never drinking again. She was always sure that a few weeks of sobriety had "cured" her and allowed her to drink "normally". :chatter
As ever when dealing with an A and their drinking, pay attention to actions and disregard the words. He's an alcoholic who's drinking. How can that possibly be ok?
Mr B.
We went round the "it's me or the booze" thing a few more times with her lasting a bit longer sober each time until, in the end, it dawned on me that the only person who wanted her to stop drinking for good was me. She wanted to have the bad things stop happening when she drank, but she was going to take the risk anyway as she sure as hell had no intention of never drinking again. She was always sure that a few weeks of sobriety had "cured" her and allowed her to drink "normally". :chatter
As ever when dealing with an A and their drinking, pay attention to actions and disregard the words. He's an alcoholic who's drinking. How can that possibly be ok?
Mr B.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
I just wait for the day he realises it isnt ok to have these blips.
I fear it will never happen though, i think hes verging on delusional. I mean things are a lot better than they were this time last year but theres always that nagging doubt in my mind he can slip back so easily.
Im just glad im not living with him right now, that really would frustrate me even more and make this situation so much worse.
I fear it will never happen though, i think hes verging on delusional. I mean things are a lot better than they were this time last year but theres always that nagging doubt in my mind he can slip back so easily.
Im just glad im not living with him right now, that really would frustrate me even more and make this situation so much worse.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Alcoholics don't have blips. He's grabbing at straws. They pick up where they left off when it comes to drinking. So that's why 1 can never be 10. He's only fooling himself.
For you to question that makes me see that the sickness is starting to affect you. Be wise.
For you to question that makes me see that the sickness is starting to affect you. Be wise.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
it's not wrong to question if the house is on fire but you may want to ask yourself why you are playing with matches.
In AA it's said, "many of us tried to hang on to our old ideas but the result was nil until we let go absolutely"
he has "nil" recovery...if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.....get a shotgun...lol kidding but you get the point.
In AA it's said, "many of us tried to hang on to our old ideas but the result was nil until we let go absolutely"
he has "nil" recovery...if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.....get a shotgun...lol kidding but you get the point.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I am living proof that you are right. I just came off of a 5 day drunk that started with "just a couple" after 9 months of sobriety. Luckily I was able to saddle back up, swallow my pride and get back to AA.
Unfortunately, not all are that lucky. Some leave their program and never make it. I hope your BF is not one of them.
Unfortunately, not all are that lucky. Some leave their program and never make it. I hope your BF is not one of them.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by sam79 
All i want is a relationship were the attention is on ME and not his drinking.
sam.xx
sam.xx
Sam, it doesn't appear that you're going to find this with him. He sounds like he's in denial, and a bit abusive to boot. The question is whether you're willing yet to let him make his choices, and move on to make your own.
We'd love to see you in a relationship where you are truly loved and respected.
Hugs, and strength,
GL
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