painthorse60

I posted this on another forum, but wanted to get some input from here as well. I'm sure at least some of you have been this route and could offer some insight for me.

My husband has been sober for 4 years, but our marriage has gotten worse not better. He has steadfastly refused to go for marriage counseling, but last night after yet another argument, he SAID he would go. How do I find a good counselor?

Do I want somebody with addictions counseling experience? We had gone for counseling right after he came from detox - that was part of the prorgram. I thought it was helping - he went alone one week and we went together the second. However, after three sessions together he started to make the appointments when I couldn't go and I never got to go back. I think he liked telling the counselor the way he saw things and he definitely didn't appreciate being told he wasn't always right! Hoping this time, he's more open to it after attending AA for 4 years.

Seems to me that we need someone who is familiar with AA and can offer an objective opinion about things. Alot of our problems stem from us never haivng time to be together as a couple or communicate. He attends meetings every free minute he has and, I guess, shares with his fellow members to the point he doesn't need to share with me. I know I need some of my thinking adjuusted as well - I'm wrong alot of times too and I know that. I just don't see how we can have a good marriage when there's not any time for us to even go to a movie or out to dinner - EVER.

Anybody have any ideas for me? I'm scared about doing this because it is truly a last ditch effort to save a 28 year marriage. I think we both feel the same way - we love each other, but we can't live together right now! One way or another something has to give here - and surely don't want to lose my marriage!

Chrysalis123

Is it possible to call the detox facility he used and ask them for recommendations? Maybe the longtime AA members or his sponsor would have some leads as well.

I know in my case having a MC that did not understand addictions/alcoholism was a bad experience FOR ME. It definately did not work because the counselor was manipulated by the A!

I am now seeing an individual counselor for me and she is an addictions specialist......she is a treasure of information and working with her has helped me tremendously.

painthorse60

Thanks for your response. That's what I was afraid of - not so much the manipulation, but I want to be as fair as possible.

He doesn't have a sponsor right now - his moved away 3 months ago and my AH never got another one. Unfortunately, the detox facility he went to is an hour away, so anybody near there isn't going to work. I know that if it requires driving an hour each way he won't go.

At least I'm on the right track to find somebody experienced with addiction issues. Now - to find that person!!!!

denny57

My GP recommended my therapist. He was spot on. She knows addiction; she knows abuse. I also like that she works with a lot of children affected by addiction - it tells me she also understands the family dynamic.