Don't want to say something stupid
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Don't want to say something stupid
Hello all,
After a brief respite, I am back living in dry drunk land. I will try to keep it short:
Lost job recently. Not a whole lot of money. Stressful. Today, dog bites daughter (not the first time he's bitten, bit me a month ago) and plan to return him to shelter where my partner got him. (as per the signed agreement when he was adopted). This is pretty depressing right?
What I'm doing to cope (as an alkie in recovery): meetings, phoning sponsor, talking to other folks in the program, searching for job, going to job fairs etc, praying and praying and praying. Working on my 9th step. Focusing on the day ahead of me.
What my partner is doing to cope: laying around and not talking. Not going to meetings, not calling her sponsor, not working the steps, not reaching out.
I am up to my eyeballs with this behavior. I am close to the end of this relationship if this continues to be the way she handles life. I do not want to act impulsively, and I also do not want to take her inventory.
Any suggestions on communicating my feelings to her in a non judgmental and caring way?
Thanks!
After a brief respite, I am back living in dry drunk land. I will try to keep it short:
Lost job recently. Not a whole lot of money. Stressful. Today, dog bites daughter (not the first time he's bitten, bit me a month ago) and plan to return him to shelter where my partner got him. (as per the signed agreement when he was adopted). This is pretty depressing right?
What I'm doing to cope (as an alkie in recovery): meetings, phoning sponsor, talking to other folks in the program, searching for job, going to job fairs etc, praying and praying and praying. Working on my 9th step. Focusing on the day ahead of me.
What my partner is doing to cope: laying around and not talking. Not going to meetings, not calling her sponsor, not working the steps, not reaching out.
I am up to my eyeballs with this behavior. I am close to the end of this relationship if this continues to be the way she handles life. I do not want to act impulsively, and I also do not want to take her inventory.
Any suggestions on communicating my feelings to her in a non judgmental and caring way?
Thanks!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You are generally not happy with the way things are right now...
Are you lumping her into this mindset fairly or is it a generalized uneasiness?
This might not be the best time for another stressful thing...the end of a relationship,
especially if you have financial commitments to one another.
After working this all the way through in your mind...if you are not a good fit for each other, breaking up may be part of the bigger picture for you to get your groove back.
Are you lumping her into this mindset fairly or is it a generalized uneasiness?
This might not be the best time for another stressful thing...the end of a relationship,
especially if you have financial commitments to one another.
After working this all the way through in your mind...if you are not a good fit for each other, breaking up may be part of the bigger picture for you to get your groove back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Unless there are specific actions or inaction that affect me I've learned to stay out of another person's recovery.
For instance- if her not looking for work is an issue that would be something to discuss. I would consider it a boundary about not sharing the workload and financial responsibilities for the household. Alot would depend on what type of living arrangements you share and what is mutually agreed on or accepted.
How somebody else works their own recovery would, in my experiece and practice, not be my business....especially if my advice or opinion has not been sought. I can only work on my own program, not somebody elses.
This is something I still struggle with at times. I need to remember that my loved ones have every right to choose how they recover even if I don't agree or if I do things differently for myself.
For instance- if her not looking for work is an issue that would be something to discuss. I would consider it a boundary about not sharing the workload and financial responsibilities for the household. Alot would depend on what type of living arrangements you share and what is mutually agreed on or accepted.
How somebody else works their own recovery would, in my experiece and practice, not be my business....especially if my advice or opinion has not been sought. I can only work on my own program, not somebody elses.
This is something I still struggle with at times. I need to remember that my loved ones have every right to choose how they recover even if I don't agree or if I do things differently for myself.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
The just wanted to add that something I have learnt in Al Anon is that if I do ask someone to do something, then I have to let go of the results.
I have the right to ask for something but the other person has as much right to choose to do it, or not do it, as the case maybe.
And for me this is where the problem starts because if they choose not to do it, and I really think they should, my crazy head tells me it is my job to force them through manipulation or punishing them, i.e. the silent treatment.
I learnt some great stuff growing up in my family!
It's only in Al Anon do I hear I am powerless over another person.
:day4
I have the right to ask for something but the other person has as much right to choose to do it, or not do it, as the case maybe.
And for me this is where the problem starts because if they choose not to do it, and I really think they should, my crazy head tells me it is my job to force them through manipulation or punishing them, i.e. the silent treatment.
I learnt some great stuff growing up in my family!
It's only in Al Anon do I hear I am powerless over another person.
:day4
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
My AH is new to recovery. He's not new to stopping drinking and relapsing. He's been doing that for years. He is totally humble and solely focused on his program. Likewise, I am staying out of his program and he is staying out of mine. I didn't become a codie overnight and he didn't become an alcoholic overnight. Neither of us are far enough into our recoveries, nor does one have any higher level of moral authority over the other to criticize each other. I don't believe people in healthy relationships continually look at each other's faults on a daily basis. But that's what we did for 15 years. It's draining.
If you want sobriety, I suggest you get busy trying to get it. And attaining sobriety is a full-time job. I suggest you stop looking at your partner and focus solely on yourself and your actions. You can reevaluate your relationship later when you're on your feet and decide if it's what works for you.
If you want sobriety, I suggest you get busy trying to get it. And attaining sobriety is a full-time job. I suggest you stop looking at your partner and focus solely on yourself and your actions. You can reevaluate your relationship later when you're on your feet and decide if it's what works for you.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by NOMOMERLOTMAMMA 
So when she is laying around being depressed and not talking to me, I just ignore her and go on my way? How do you do that?
If you went on your way that's called detaching with love or letting go and letting God.
Try to find codependant classes. You will learn sooooooooo much. I don't like labeling personally but I am a codie. Ugh.:codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Is she blocking the door if you try to leave? Is she in the kitchen stopping you from cooking a great meal? Is she hanging the phone up when you're trying to talk to someone? Is she draining the gas out of your car when you want to drive?
What is she doing that is actually affecting you? What part of lying on the couch and being silent is stopping you from going about your normal routine? Is it how you are reacting to her lying on the couch that is stopping you? If so, than I recommend not reacting. I had cancer a few years ago. While I'd like to blame my mother-in-law for getting it, I can't really do that. However, she has continually brought hell to my doorstep. She caused me so much stress that I think it could have had an impact on my health. But I opened the door and let her bring the hell in. I reacted. I reacted by responding to her, by losing sleep, by focusing on her, but talking about her, but stewing about her, by hating and hating and hating her. Didn't bother her much. But it could have killed me.
Don't focus on your partner. Who knows why she's depressed. Hopefully she's figure it out. Focus on you and your happiness. Do what it takes to make you feel successful. Set goals for yourself. Achieve them. Focusing on her isn't going to make you happy. It's a lose lose proposition.
What is she doing that is actually affecting you? What part of lying on the couch and being silent is stopping you from going about your normal routine? Is it how you are reacting to her lying on the couch that is stopping you? If so, than I recommend not reacting. I had cancer a few years ago. While I'd like to blame my mother-in-law for getting it, I can't really do that. However, she has continually brought hell to my doorstep. She caused me so much stress that I think it could have had an impact on my health. But I opened the door and let her bring the hell in. I reacted. I reacted by responding to her, by losing sleep, by focusing on her, but talking about her, but stewing about her, by hating and hating and hating her. Didn't bother her much. But it could have killed me.
Don't focus on your partner. Who knows why she's depressed. Hopefully she's figure it out. Focus on you and your happiness. Do what it takes to make you feel successful. Set goals for yourself. Achieve them. Focusing on her isn't going to make you happy. It's a lose lose proposition.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
It boggles alot of us....hence the Friends & Family of Alcoholics forums exists!
One thing to remember is that although I can let go of what someone else does....I still have every right to say what _I_ want and need.
The tricky part is in all the details and especially the motives...my motives.
There is nothing wrong with expressing my wishes to another person. If I toss a ball to you....you can keep it, toss it back to me or someone else...or do whatever. If I want the ball back- I'll either ask for it or say...we won't play catch anymore the next time. It's all about keeping my space safe and serene.
My part is to establish a boundary of what I find acceptable...and then keep to it. If I don't keep it, that boundary is worse than worthless.
One thing to remember is that although I can let go of what someone else does....I still have every right to say what _I_ want and need.
The tricky part is in all the details and especially the motives...my motives.
There is nothing wrong with expressing my wishes to another person. If I toss a ball to you....you can keep it, toss it back to me or someone else...or do whatever. If I want the ball back- I'll either ask for it or say...we won't play catch anymore the next time. It's all about keeping my space safe and serene.
My part is to establish a boundary of what I find acceptable...and then keep to it. If I don't keep it, that boundary is worse than worthless.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
NOMO:
First off, I need to put in a little caveat here because you did say something about "dry-drunk" land and I'm not sure if you were referring to yourself, your partner or both of you with that?????? If you were referring to yourself, it might be best if you try to concentrate on getting yourself into a better place before you try to make any big decisions around your partner and/or your relationship with her.
Assuming you were referring to your partner and the tension in your home that's resulting from her behavior, it seems like there have been a few posts like this from you lately and, if I remember correctly, you have communicated with your partner about your feelings more than once. It seems pretty obvious from this thread that your partner is choosing to be where she is right now and is not interested in changing, regardless of how her behavior affects her, or you, or your relationship.
Of course, you can communicate your feelings and fears and needs within the relationship to her again if you want to do that. But, really, what is going to be different this time??? [In my homegroup we say that communicating something to another adult once is communicating it; communicating it a second time is emphasizing that it really is important to you; and "communicating" it any more than twice is nagging! )....and, of course, "nagging" is a manipulative, disrespectful-of-self-and-others-behavior!)]
I know that for me when I am in this situation and I am going around and around thinking about what I should say and how I should say it, what is really going on with me is lack of acceptance. I do not want to accept the fact that I have stated my needs and the other person has clearly said -- in words or in actions or in both - "NO." I don't want to accept and deal with the "No" and the choices I need to be making to take care of myself given that the other person's answer is "No," so, instead of "hearing" the "NO," I keep wanting to go back to the "communicate my feelings step" with the hope that, if I do it again, somehow I am going to be able to get a magical "Yes."
Someone implied earlier that you are taking your partner's inventory and trying to work her program. I really do not see your post that way. I see you stating honestly where your partner is at and how that affects you. For me, I see no value whatsoever is turning a blind eye to behavior that is damaging to herself and to your relationship. We cannot "accept" something the existence of which we deny ourselves the right to name and speak about. I do, however, agree 100% that you cannot and do not have the right to try to control or change her behavior. So, that means you accept it (in the sense of honestly acknowledging what it is and how it affects you) and then, knowing what you want and need in an intimate, primary relationship, you make the decisions you need to make to take care of yourself and to put yourself in the position where you are mostly likely going to be able to have the kind of life and the kind of relationship you need and want.
I know that this is a really hard and painful place to be...but in my own life I've discovered that moving forward gets me through the pain to something better a lot more quickly than going back over and over again in the hope that I can somehow change the current reality into something less painful and sad than it really is.
freya
First off, I need to put in a little caveat here because you did say something about "dry-drunk" land and I'm not sure if you were referring to yourself, your partner or both of you with that?????? If you were referring to yourself, it might be best if you try to concentrate on getting yourself into a better place before you try to make any big decisions around your partner and/or your relationship with her.
Assuming you were referring to your partner and the tension in your home that's resulting from her behavior, it seems like there have been a few posts like this from you lately and, if I remember correctly, you have communicated with your partner about your feelings more than once. It seems pretty obvious from this thread that your partner is choosing to be where she is right now and is not interested in changing, regardless of how her behavior affects her, or you, or your relationship.
Of course, you can communicate your feelings and fears and needs within the relationship to her again if you want to do that. But, really, what is going to be different this time??? [In my homegroup we say that communicating something to another adult once is communicating it; communicating it a second time is emphasizing that it really is important to you; and "communicating" it any more than twice is nagging! )....and, of course, "nagging" is a manipulative, disrespectful-of-self-and-others-behavior!)]
I know that for me when I am in this situation and I am going around and around thinking about what I should say and how I should say it, what is really going on with me is lack of acceptance. I do not want to accept the fact that I have stated my needs and the other person has clearly said -- in words or in actions or in both - "NO." I don't want to accept and deal with the "No" and the choices I need to be making to take care of myself given that the other person's answer is "No," so, instead of "hearing" the "NO," I keep wanting to go back to the "communicate my feelings step" with the hope that, if I do it again, somehow I am going to be able to get a magical "Yes."
Someone implied earlier that you are taking your partner's inventory and trying to work her program. I really do not see your post that way. I see you stating honestly where your partner is at and how that affects you. For me, I see no value whatsoever is turning a blind eye to behavior that is damaging to herself and to your relationship. We cannot "accept" something the existence of which we deny ourselves the right to name and speak about. I do, however, agree 100% that you cannot and do not have the right to try to control or change her behavior. So, that means you accept it (in the sense of honestly acknowledging what it is and how it affects you) and then, knowing what you want and need in an intimate, primary relationship, you make the decisions you need to make to take care of yourself and to put yourself in the position where you are mostly likely going to be able to have the kind of life and the kind of relationship you need and want.
I know that this is a really hard and painful place to be...but in my own life I've discovered that moving forward gets me through the pain to something better a lot more quickly than going back over and over again in the hope that I can somehow change the current reality into something less painful and sad than it really is.
freya
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Thanks Freya...
And yes, I was using "dry drunk land" to describe my partner.
Yes, acceptance. And yesterday I was struck with how I try to control everyone's behavior in this house..my daughter was not feeling well and acting as if she was dying. I was getting irritated, and then because of the replies to this thread, I realized that it's not up to me to make her react to not feeling well in a way that is acceptable to ME. I gave her medicine, did what I could and left her alone.
So, I learned something yesterday, and I hope that I can remember it when dealing with ALL the people around me.
Thanks all!
And yes, I was using "dry drunk land" to describe my partner.
Yes, acceptance. And yesterday I was struck with how I try to control everyone's behavior in this house..my daughter was not feeling well and acting as if she was dying. I was getting irritated, and then because of the replies to this thread, I realized that it's not up to me to make her react to not feeling well in a way that is acceptable to ME. I gave her medicine, did what I could and left her alone.
So, I learned something yesterday, and I hope that I can remember it when dealing with ALL the people around me.
Thanks all!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Personally I get hung up on other peoples behavior as well, especially if there are things in my life I am not happy with, I will share a story though.
About 16 years ago, when I was new, my grandsponser was this crotchety old man that used to drag me out of meetings by my ear :chatter when I was being particularly stupid and sharing my vast wisdom with the group, and he would chew me out so loud the whole meeting could hear it. I really wanted to earn this old codgers approval, so once, when i had my GF COLD, I mean, she had clearly been a beeeeyotch and I was clearly in the right, I approached him and told him of our argument sure that "yoda" would pat me on the head and compliment me on my wisdom since I had so obviously proven my GF in "the wrong"
Out comes the hand, grabs my ear, drags me outside yet again, "you F'ing idiot" he starts yelling at me,
"I have met your GF, and she's a wonderful girl, what's she's doing with an idjit like you, I will never know!!! If you were actually working your program, i mean REALLY working your program, you have so many character defects you need to work on you'd be so busy you wouldn't even have time to look up and SEE this woman!!!
I have to say I wasn't particularly pleased with his delivery, but, FOR ME, there is truth in what he said, If I'm actually working my program I don't have the time nor the inclination to take someone else's inventory.
I have to say as well, I have been spending WAY too much time on someone else's side of the street for the last few years, first my family, then my GF, and I ended up a spun monkey, so by no means am I "giving advice" as I've been in your shoes a LOT lately, but just remembering that story helps me, hopefully someone else as well.
(The program wasn't quite so "warm and fuzzy" back then, boy we had some characters)
About 16 years ago, when I was new, my grandsponser was this crotchety old man that used to drag me out of meetings by my ear :chatter when I was being particularly stupid and sharing my vast wisdom with the group, and he would chew me out so loud the whole meeting could hear it. I really wanted to earn this old codgers approval, so once, when i had my GF COLD, I mean, she had clearly been a beeeeyotch and I was clearly in the right, I approached him and told him of our argument sure that "yoda" would pat me on the head and compliment me on my wisdom since I had so obviously proven my GF in "the wrong"
Out comes the hand, grabs my ear, drags me outside yet again, "you F'ing idiot" he starts yelling at me,
"I have met your GF, and she's a wonderful girl, what's she's doing with an idjit like you, I will never know!!! If you were actually working your program, i mean REALLY working your program, you have so many character defects you need to work on you'd be so busy you wouldn't even have time to look up and SEE this woman!!!I have to say I wasn't particularly pleased with his delivery, but, FOR ME, there is truth in what he said, If I'm actually working my program I don't have the time nor the inclination to take someone else's inventory.
I have to say as well, I have been spending WAY too much time on someone else's side of the street for the last few years, first my family, then my GF, and I ended up a spun monkey, so by no means am I "giving advice" as I've been in your shoes a LOT lately, but just remembering that story helps me, hopefully someone else as well.
(The program wasn't quite so "warm and fuzzy" back then, boy we had some characters)
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
What a fantastic story!! (The one above this one, about being pulled out by the ear.) Made me laugh out loud and after reading the orginal post recently this topic has been in my mind.
I can still remember ringing my sponsor to complain about my A and her saying to me, why don't you go out and do something? Go for a walk? Go get a coffee? And none of these actitives had EVER crossed my mind. I honestly believe it was my job to police my partners behaviour and of course correct him when it was wrong, which was all the time in my books!
I had this sort of me vrs them attitude, which does not make a pleasant relationship but at the same time found it hard to 'trust him.' Dunno how long I'd been in Al Anon for before I noticed it wasn't 'him' I should be trusting anyway - it was God/my HP I needed to trust.
It's really hard to break habits of a lifetime but a day at a time I am working on it, and today I am trying to live God's will, rather than my own as it's my own will that turns me into the 'behaviour police' also known as 'the meeting police' and the 'sponsor police'.
:ghug
I can still remember ringing my sponsor to complain about my A and her saying to me, why don't you go out and do something? Go for a walk? Go get a coffee? And none of these actitives had EVER crossed my mind. I honestly believe it was my job to police my partners behaviour and of course correct him when it was wrong, which was all the time in my books!
I had this sort of me vrs them attitude, which does not make a pleasant relationship but at the same time found it hard to 'trust him.' Dunno how long I'd been in Al Anon for before I noticed it wasn't 'him' I should be trusting anyway - it was God/my HP I needed to trust.
It's really hard to break habits of a lifetime but a day at a time I am working on it, and today I am trying to live God's will, rather than my own as it's my own will that turns me into the 'behaviour police' also known as 'the meeting police' and the 'sponsor police'.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Ago
Personally I get hung up on other peoples behavior as well, especially if there are things in my life I am not happy with, I will share a story though.
About 16 years ago, when I was new, my grandsponser was this crotchety old man that used to drag me out of meetings by my ear :chatter when I was being particularly stupid and sharing my vast wisdom with the group, and he would chew me out so loud the whole meeting could hear it. I really wanted to earn this old codgers approval, so once, when i had my GF COLD, I mean, she had clearly been a beeeeyotch and I was clearly in the right, I approached him and told him of our argument sure that "yoda" would pat me on the head and compliment me on my wisdom since I had so obviously proven my GF in "the wrong"
Out comes the hand, grabs my ear, drags me outside yet again, "you F'ing idiot" he starts yelling at me, "I have met your GF, and she's a wonderful girl, what's she's doing with an idjit like you, I will never know!!! If you were actually working your program, i mean REALLY working your program, you have so many character defects you need to work on you'd be so busy you wouldn't even have time to look up and SEE this woman!!!
I have to say I wasn't particularly pleased with his delivery, but, FOR ME, there is truth in what he said, If I'm actually working my program I don't have the time nor the inclination to take someone else's inventory.
I have to say as well, I have been spending WAY too much time on someone else's side of the street for the last few years, first my family, then my GF, and I ended up a spun monkey, so by no means am I "giving advice" as I've been in your shoes a LOT lately, but just remembering that story helps me, hopefully someone else as well.
(The program wasn't quite so "warm and fuzzy" back then, boy we had some characters)
About 16 years ago, when I was new, my grandsponser was this crotchety old man that used to drag me out of meetings by my ear :chatter when I was being particularly stupid and sharing my vast wisdom with the group, and he would chew me out so loud the whole meeting could hear it. I really wanted to earn this old codgers approval, so once, when i had my GF COLD, I mean, she had clearly been a beeeeyotch and I was clearly in the right, I approached him and told him of our argument sure that "yoda" would pat me on the head and compliment me on my wisdom since I had so obviously proven my GF in "the wrong"
Out comes the hand, grabs my ear, drags me outside yet again, "you F'ing idiot" he starts yelling at me, "I have met your GF, and she's a wonderful girl, what's she's doing with an idjit like you, I will never know!!! If you were actually working your program, i mean REALLY working your program, you have so many character defects you need to work on you'd be so busy you wouldn't even have time to look up and SEE this woman!!!
I have to say I wasn't particularly pleased with his delivery, but, FOR ME, there is truth in what he said, If I'm actually working my program I don't have the time nor the inclination to take someone else's inventory.
I have to say as well, I have been spending WAY too much time on someone else's side of the street for the last few years, first my family, then my GF, and I ended up a spun monkey, so by no means am I "giving advice" as I've been in your shoes a LOT lately, but just remembering that story helps me, hopefully someone else as well.
(The program wasn't quite so "warm and fuzzy" back then, boy we had some characters)
OMG!!! My AH would stop drinking for 24 hours, turn and tell me I'm fat and that bothers him every single day. Ohhhhhh reallllllly. Because alcohol hadn't touched his lips in 24 hours, he was pure and saintly enough to hammer me. With loads and loads and bags and bags of damage he had accumulated over the years, in destroying relationships, causing soooo many people grief, manipulating, hiding, lying, cheating, controlling, etc. it was alllllllllll wiped out in 24 hours so he could mount his thrown afresh with guns pointed at my faults????????? I may be 40 lbs. overweight, but I'm 5'9". That does not make me obese. But he sure acted like it was. Ohhhh, the fun he had in blaming me all the sudden. He even told me that many people in Al-Anon don't really like it when their spouses get sober, because their blinders come off and all the sudden the codie's have to start accounting for all the bad behavior they were getting away with while their spouses where 3 sheets to the wind. Ohhhh realllllly? That's a dry-drunk concept if I ever heard one. I call it keeping a house together while he chug-a-lugged, and a thankless job that is.
Here's the truth. If my AH (who is 48) could undo all the damage he's created (which is probably impossible) it would take the rest of his life to do so. He has adult children who won't speak to him, he's created war between me and his manipulating mother and other family members by painting me out as evil so that he could be viewed as the saint (with a tiny drinking problem), he's brought total hell into our marriage and he's been married to his vodka bottle, not me. Now I'm not saying he needs to repent to me for all his bs for the past 15 years, because it's my fault for sticking around this long. But I damn well don't deserve to be thrown under the bus the first time he "thinks" he's sober.
I deserve peace, not war. True sobriety brings peace, not war. Big, huge, stinking difference.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 164
Good luck to you, sounds like you have a lot going on.
You got a lot of good advice about keeping your side of the street clean. Its true there is nothing we can do to get another person to act the way we feel they should. (I know I tried.
)
That said, I think at some point we should have a partner that is a part of the relationship. I have read somewhere something a long the lines of what kind of relationship do we have if we have to be so detatced from our partners?
Sometimes the dry drunk stuff gets so bad around here that I just wish he would go away for awhile so I could get some peace.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just the most intolerant person on the planet?
Thank God for SR and al-anon where there are people who understand the struggle.
You got a lot of good advice about keeping your side of the street clean. Its true there is nothing we can do to get another person to act the way we feel they should. (I know I tried.
)That said, I think at some point we should have a partner that is a part of the relationship. I have read somewhere something a long the lines of what kind of relationship do we have if we have to be so detatced from our partners?
Sometimes the dry drunk stuff gets so bad around here that I just wish he would go away for awhile so I could get some peace.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just the most intolerant person on the planet?
Thank God for SR and al-anon where there are people who understand the struggle.
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