When and how to talk to alcoholic?

Old 11-18-2012, 11:00 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I wrote my friend a letter about my concerns. It was initially well received. He was probably drunk when he first read it. Now he is cool and remote. I am hopeful that with time he will decide on recovery. That being said, I am his friend and will continue to be supportive, loving and compassionate without being co-dependent. It is a delicate balance and takes constant attention. Only he can decide to get sober, I can't do it for him, but I can be available to him and supportive when he is ready. I have done my research and have resources available for him when and if he is ready to act. It is a difficult position to be in but alcoholics are alone and isolated in their disease. Reach your hand out and offer some support. If rejected, step away but let your loved one know that you are ready to be supportive when they are ready to get sober. I have learned so much over the last few years. I lost my brother to addiction four years ago. I will no longer look away and expect a loved one to get sober on their own. I will talk to them, let them know of my concerns in a loving, nonjudgmental and compassionate manner. Ultimately we all know that we can't get sober for them but I will be there when my friend is ready to get better as I was not able to be there for my brother.
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Old 11-18-2012, 03:56 PM
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I've been thinking also maybe my "addiction" to him is as strong as his addiction to alcohol. Anyone else ever feel this way?
You hit the nail on the head. I've been sober 21 years and going to Al-anon half that amount of time. To me codependency is alcoholism without the booze. You may want to ask yourself if this is what you want for your life? Because with an alcoholic what you see is what you get. In all my years I've never heard of an alcoholic say they quit drinking for someone else or because of someone pointing out they have a problem. Alcoholism AND codependency are steeped in denial. His denial that he has a problem and your denial that the situation will improve or you can get him to stop drinking.
Best of luck!
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Old 03-16-2013, 10:33 PM
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I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic since 1972. I love him very dearly. We have talked so many times and it just goes in a no where circle. He has been open with me a FEW times. Enough that I know his drinking scares him. He has been sucecssful in stopping a few times and these are and always will be the most wonderful memories I will ever have. Each time he started drinking things were MUCH worse. After he disappeared for 3 days and woke up in another woman's bed not remembering what happened, I had to take care of myself. I moved out. It was the single most hardest thing I have had to do. I was full of FEAR. There is some what of a relief. But the pain is still there. Yet I do not have to deal with the ranting and the late nights that he would bring drunk buds home. I don't have days of sleepless nights because he is drunk and switching from rage to happy in just minutes. No more broken windows and mirrors and tipped over Christmas trees. No more smell. YET I miss my sober love. I feel as if I should put a cross up somewhere that says here lies sober Bob because I feel as though he has died. the drunk is not the man I know and love. There is no easy choice. But I believe the only decision is to take care of You because they will drag you down with them. I was down to nothing because I could not eat. My health was fragile without sleep. My insides cried out in pain every day. Now I mourn but it is a healing process.
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