justaboutus

The reasons I separated/divorcing:

I don't want to stay around for the first punch.
I don't want to stay around for the first DUI (credit would suck, I'd lose my insurance).
I want a better husband.
I want a better marriage.
I want a better father for my daughter.
I'm tired of working 40+ hours a week to pay for his alcohol while he sits at home all day drinking it.
I don't want my daughter (1YO) to see how he treats me and think it's 'normal'.
DD and I deserve better... A LOT better.

Reddmax

I have no clue why I'm staying around. Fear, mostly. However, I'm doing the baby steps.

She's a monster. I don't know how one human being can treat another that way.

Redd

Freedom1990

I have a 30 year old AD now because I waited until it was 'bad enough'.

That's something I have to live with every day.

Pajarito

For me it was an event that led to a process. A year ago STBXAH decided he wanted to separate. For me, it was out of the blue, but looking back I realize at that time he had been extreme in his bad behaviors- most frequent, more sulking, more withdrawn, etc. I had been adjusting to this for so long that I didn't even realize how sick I was becoming- but I did know I didn't like who I was- scared, angry, frustrated, tired.

He dragged his feet getting out until one day I found a note he had written about a co-worker, and I knew he was having an emotional affair- at the least. He had done the same thing in the past with someone else, so at that point I knew I had had it. I told him to go. Initially I was all about getting a divorce, but then decided to slow down and wait- wait to see what he was going to do, and how I felt being alone. He did nothing. I came here and found support, went to al-anon, read, talked to friends and family and thought A LOT. We had been going to counseling, and that was a nightmare- he was our 5th (!) counselor and all it was was STBXAH sitting across from me blaming me for everything, denying he has a problem, making light of the note, but then talking about how if things didn't work out with us he'd probably ask this woman out. . . Slowly I realized this man had no intention of dealing with his issues. He is a very self-absorbed, abusive, arrogant man. And I decided I deserve better. I didn't want to live with it anymore. I was becoming me again- stronger.

We are now in the process of divorcing- he is dating the co-worker- poor thing- and I am finally on a path towards a peaceful life. My STBXAH's leaving was a gift that I am slowly realizing. . .

TooMuch4TooLong

For me there was all the usual and some unusual things that go on when you are married to an alcoholic but I was still on the fence for about a year. One day I was sitting outside during lunch and I found my self thinking back to what I believed our relationship to be in the beginning. I realized that not only was the relationship not what I believed it to be anymore but neither was I. I had become someone I was ashamed of because I never felt I could be open with anyone. I lied about him all the time so no one would know. The last straw was a day or two later when I ended up calling the police on him. I could have stayed but for me that was it. If I have to call the police or defend myself in any way it is not a marriage or any kind of relationship. If you love me I should not be afraid of you.

RosieM

When my husband ran into a mini-van filled with a family of four and injured everyone seriously after leading me to believe he had been clean and sober for three months - and the newspaper had pictures splashed across the page of the front seat of his truck littered with several partially-consumed and empty liquor bottles- and the police report came back that his blood alcohol level was .18 even though he told me he had just had a "nip" before hitting the road - I realized just how far away our relationship was from the way it used to be. I filed for divorce the day after the wreck. He was just sentenced to two years house arrest but I am now hundreds of miles away.