Reddmax

All,

This is sort of rant, sort of because I'm really even angry. Just resigned. The AW in my life just doesn't get it.

I told her that I couldn't live in the way we were living. Between the drinking, lying, and abuse, I was done. I said she should think about what she really wanted, and what she was prepared to do to keep it, and we were to talk about it on Friday.

She doesn't really get it. I guess I've trained her well in my codependent ways. She doesn't want to do any actions to make things better.

No serious treatement
No marriage counseling
No talking about our problems
No dealing with her infidelity

Nothing....

And the attorney is being a real pttttpph....

Redd

Pajarito

I think she's trying to tell you something without even opening her mouth. I'm sorry you're struggling Redd. When my STBXAH left, I kept thinking surely he would do something to save our marriage. He did zero. I spent a lot of time "waiting" for him to DO anything. He did nothing. Finally I got it. ((()))

AmpHusky

You are doing the right thing Redd,

"Don't look back, the clouds are breakin' and the sun is shinin' " Boston

LucyA

You're right Reddmax, they are impossible to talk to, it's a part of the illness.
Nothing changed for me and my brother until I changed the way I behaved.
(not a partner I know, but he's my brother, I love him and I'd like him in my life sober)

When I stopped listening to his early morning drunken phone calls and asked him to ring back when he was sober he got the message eventually.

When I stopped listening to any of his 'promises' and asked him to stop making them, he stopped trying to convince me.

I've completely stopped taking his lies and everything else now, I never told him as such, just started to change my own ways.

Now we speak if we see each other, but he seems to know that no matter how much he tries to mess me about or get in my head, I don't react so he gets no payoff from his actions.
(I may react later when he isn't around though)

Barbara52

So get a different one!

Redd, you can take control of your life anytime you are ready to do so. From where I sit, it looks like you continue to allow your AW, your unsatisfactory attorney, and events control you and you are reacting rather than acting. This can change whenever you are ready and want to make the change. You are not in thrall to any of them. You can do this.

shellygirl

After 3 years of countless conversations with AH who said he loved me I still marvel at the "not getting it". I think it has to be a symptom of the disease because it was like there was a missing connection. I finally had to realize that was "something I could not change" and let go. Today is 20 days since divorce was final.

Stubborn1

Maybe you'll get the pleasure from looking at your attorney and saying "YOUR FIRED"

My mother used to tell me what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

Boy oh boy you are going to be one tough cookie

Reddmax

Actually, the attorney got back to me within 24 hours, which is apparently the standard. She also gave me good advice, and set up a meeting to create a game plan. So I was just being a bit neurotic.

Redd

Stubborn1

That or maybe you lit a fire under her butt.