member31986

What does one do when the A starts to talk talk talk repeat repeat repeat! My AH just did this to me and I was ready to scream shut the F#$% up! Of course I would not do that because I don't talk that way and have a 14yr old D in the house. I was doing the dishes and he was going on over and over the same thing. I finally said in a peaceful voice, I understand what you are trying to tell me...no need to continue to do so. It did shut him up but this happens quit a bit especially when he has had a drink or two (which I am sure he did before he got home), secretively in his car no less! It also happens when we are out with other people and I get rather embarressed because he does this all the time. I want to cringe! Feedback nice. Peace to all.

Astro

Reading posts like this in F&F is a real wake-up call sometimes, it brings back memories of all the little stupid and insane things I'd do in my nightly blackouts or drunken stupors.

But I have to say that no matter how many times my ex pointed out my behavior to me, I didn't believe it (or I flat-out denied it), and at the very most all it did was shame me and shut me up until I picked up the next drink.

It was sort of a process. Drink. Be stupid. Get belittled. Drink again. Fuggedaboudit.

When I was heading for a divorce, being kicked out of the home we shared, losing the ability to see my children every day, and giving away everything that I thought was important in life, that's when it finally sank in. The screaming was over, I'd found my bottom.

BTW, I use the phrase "giving away" instead of "lost everything" because I made the decision to give those things away every time I picked up a drink.

justjo

Yes, I find it the most draining part of our relationship. Same old, same old stuff. Its almost like a recording in the head/something stuck in the thought process. What I do is stop it before it gets going. I just say 'heard it all before - now what are you going to do about it' or I hang up. Conversation ends one way or another.

AmpHusky

Yes, the babeling over and over and over. I did tell her to shutup once. That started another fight.

Barbara52

I walked away, left the room. I just wasn't gonna listen to it.

hadenoughnow

The repeating crap drove me nuts, many times I told him to STFU (which of course gave him ammo and started a fight). I got pretty good at tuning it out (thank god for my laptop and wifi) but he was on to me eventually so I started getting up and leaving the room which usually ended badly with either him following me around or verbal abuse or both. It ended when I threw him out.

queenteree

If you read most of our beginning posts, trust me about 95% of us here had that same complaint. I personally couldn't take it. I would leave the room, he'd follow, I leave the house, he'd start a fight when I got home, I'd scream "shut the F up" and a big fight would ensue. That's definitely one of the things I don't miss!!!! As for him doing in front of others and you getting embarassed, my AH did that too. After a while, I realized he was embarassing himself, I wasn't doing anything wrong, so I'd let him continue to embarass himself. It is so frustrating when they just won't shut up!!!!

AmpHusky

Then when you try to say something in their 15 minute long winded sentence.

"You won't let me talk, you never let me talk. All I want to do is say something, and you won't let me talk."

I said 5 words in 15 minutes, and I won't let the A talk.

Denoraphy

Wow, this is so refreshing to hear! I thought I was the only one who had to endear such rambling.

It was like he had a mental list that he had to cover. Over and over again.

When I first started coming here I would defend myself. All that did was fuel his desire to tell me how wrong I was. Next, I tried the silent approach, hoping it would be over soon. Once I let him go on for 45 minutes without me saying a single word before I finally lost it and told him to shut the f* up. He didn't.

I finally just started saying, 'You mentioned that.', after each of his repeat comments. This I found, he really did not like. It eventually made him stop. He even asked me once if that was a phrase I had used in my family growing up because I always said it. Nope, just for you, my Dear, I thought to myself.

denny57

This is an area that brings up deep compassion for me about the disease. In my case, it was a clear, sad signal that the disease was progressing in xAH. I can clearly remember the look of terror that would flash on his face when he realized he was repeating himself.

kemarus

Yep, this started happening regularly when his drinking escalated. He would repeat the same thought, the same sentence, the same question. We would say "yes, for the third time....the fourth time" and just kept on counting. Of course it didn't help the situation. It didn't stop him from doing it. He couldn't. He was drunk! No thought processes going on there after quite a few drinks. We did that for a while until we realized we were hitting a brick wall. Eventually we would just shake our heads and try to walk away from it. The kids used to want to tape record him and play it back at a sober time. It wasn't worth the effort. He wasn't ready to stop drinking so he was just going to keep doing it.

christin

Oh how I can relate with you. 6 1/2 years babbling & it took me the last 2 years to figure out that I was with an acoholic.. How dumb was I??

I already had a child from a previous marriage and then ended up having another with him. Our divorce was final in April of this year & still the babbling goes on on on on on...

I still can't stand it and my oldest child makes comments (who by the way is 10years old) all the time of how he repeated himself (xah) all the time. It took me a while to catch on, but not my precious boy...

I will not allow another alcoholic in to our lives again. It's a shame I have to share my youngest with this pathetic excuse of a man. This is my 4year old's father and does not give a crap about anything but himself.

Sorry member, didn't mean to hijack your thread or anything, but I needed to vent big time..

I will pray for you.
cb

AmpHusky

We aren't dumb, we cared, and wished it would pass, or they would get better. We just finally accept our soberity first.

member31986

Does this repeating necessarily mean the disease has progressed? I know it is a progressive disease with the 3 stages...just some thoughts on the issue. AH has been drinking for 20+ yrs. on and off and still functions for the most part- good job, pays the bills- Looks horrible though.

christin

I can't answer that question for you member. All I know is that after the fact my xah has been drinking since he was 13 years old and when I left he was drinking up to 30 beers a night, this he would consume after 4pm in the afternoons. Then look out come the weekends. It was horrible and I couldn't do a thing about it.

I joined here and learned the three C's. Still working on those because I developed in that relationship a major case of the codies!! Work on yourself first and take care of you. I would of, should of but I can't dwell on that now. I focus for the most part on making sure my boys are happy and tryin to always be happy for them.

I never talk bad about the x in front of either child. The little one will figure everything out with age.. I can only hope that he don't remember seeing the abuse.

kemarus

I'm not sure about progression and stage etc. I only know that the drinking was what made him repeat, repeat, repeat. That started around the time that he was drinking 7-10 beers a day and "progressed" when he worked his way up to 20-30 beers a day. Know what? He still functioned through all of that. Worked. Helped pay bills (for the most part). He almost never passed out but drank every day. More and more every day. I guess you could say he was still "functioning" but that wasn't what I called it. Not when he slurred his speech, off balance, nasty or depressed, hard time keeping his eyes open long enough to have a conversation or watch a tv show, had whole conversations with himself(sometimes very animated conversations at that), repeated himself over and over again and then the next day didn't remember most or any of it.

blessed4x

christin and kemarus......OMG, I thought my AH was the only one out there that drank up to 30 beers a day. Before I joined here and started working on me I used to be very good at keeping inventory, but he kept getting sneakier, and now (with a few minor slip ups) I don't keep track. The few people that know how much he was/is drinking think surely I must be lying.

Recently I have uncovered (yes even a few times WITHOUT trying) fifths of vodka. It bothers me that it has escalated to hiding bottles. I know, didn't cause it, can't control it........oh, and BTW he also rambles and rarely remembers it later.

stillsearching

ughhh.....this was one of the things that really drove me crazy...same thing over and over...it use to be so embarassing when he did to other relatives at family functions...I was always saying...alright already......!!

AmpHusky

Then when they call you at work and you can't get them off the phone. Terrible phone manners.

Jadmack25

That old saying "they're playing my song" comes to mind reading these posts. Can relate to them all, what the ah has done and how I felt about it happening. The other Grrrrrr for me has been him in either stroppy mode or maudlin, hours of his childhood misery, (yes it was very dark and hard), how he regretted so much of his life that had accomplished nothing. Loss of family ties, relationships and friends etc. ALL DUE TO ALCOHOL in his life. Latterly when it begins again I say something like "yes it is so sad that such and such happened. Alcohol is such a destroyer when it is given free rein, isn't it." Last time he asked what I meant as "free rein"? Told him alcohol can do nothing by itself, on it's own it is harmless. It is only when it is taken as a drink that it is able to cause damage. Said " you mean if it stays in the bottle it's ok, but when I drink it, I LET IT DO IT"S ****?" By George, I think he got it. Has made some decisions since, is detoxing, resuming counseling and booked trip overseas to see "pals" now cancelled. Oh, for no more of the old drunken behavior as talked about above, BLISS.