bookwyrm

My AH wants us to meet face to face to discuss how we split our 'assets' - not a lot to split between us considering how long we've been together.

Anyway, I'm dreading it. I've tried to suggest discussing by email or phone but he's dismissed these for some reason or other - he's talking about meeting and discussing this over a meal! :wtf2

Every time I communicate with him, he's unable to resist the poor me's and the verbal digs. He's the only one suffering right now... hah! When we lived together, I had managed to detach and ignore the nastiness. Now though, it really stings! Have I lost my detachment? Have I become over sensitised to verbal abuse? How can I stop him having such a negative effect on me?! It feels as if he is upsetting me more now that we've split - how did that happen? Maybe I've lost the hard skin I developed living with the constant verbal abuse now that he is living with his mum? I can't go no contact with him till we sell our house and get our separation agreement sorted out.

Anyone else been through this?

Blondie

Is there anyway that you can get a mediator. And talking about this type of thing over a meal is a strange idea considering the emotions envolved. It would probably be better if you could have the meeting in a non-public place with a mediator to help keep the meeting on track.

bookwyrm

I agree completely! I've no idea what he is thinking (and have given up trying to work it out).

We're on the waiting list for Relate (marriage guidance in the UK) to mediate the split but who knows how long that'll take. I'm not sure who to get to mediate - any suggestions?

Lilyflower

Bookwyrm,

I just searched on ''divorce mediation'' on Ask.com Search Engine - Better Web Search and these two web sites caught my attention.

This one does the DIY divorce which you may or may not be interested in, but the good thing is they offer free advice on divorce issues...

Quickie Divorce - the UK's most popular and trusted uncontested divorce provider

This is a leaflet about mediation costs...

http://www.mediationindivorce.co.uk/..._costs_001.pdf

There were many sites offering mediation throughout the UK also.
Good luck to you!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Silverberry1331

I agree that a mediator would be helpful. I am not in your neck of the woods, so I am not sure how that would work. However, here in the US, sometimes you can find mediators in the phone book.

I also don't think that there should be a meal involved. If there is no way to avoid meeting, then perhaps you can put forth a prelim-list of what you feel like you want and what he feels like he want. You can suggest this as a guide to a smoother meeting for quicker resolution. Perhaps if you can work out the details in the list (at least on your end), the less you have to remain together for discussion.

To try and be objective about his poor me attitude...figure it like this...he is trying to sell you some guilt...just like the way a car salesman tries to sell you a car. Would you buy the car if you didn't need it? No...you wouldn't...despite the price or the deal. Even the salesman said you were CRAZY for not buying it, you wouldn't. Such is with his poor me attitude....don't buy into it. Stick to the topic. Prepare yourself as best you can. Don't feed into the insults...you don't need to validate yourself to him.

Hope this helps.

Barbara52

If you do not feel comfortable meeting face to face to discuss it, then don't. You can put together a proposal for dividing things up and email it to him and use that for the basis of discussion, via email or phone. Or as the others have said use a mediator.

Chrysalis123

Saying "No" to this request is Ok. Like Barb said you can do it thru email. You have the right to protect yourself and if you feel this is an emotional danger for you, you don't have to do it his way.

bookwyrm

Thanks for the suggestions! He says he doesn't want to do this by email or phone. I have no idea why he is insisting on a face to face meeting - maybe to intimidate me more? - but I'm not doing it! I just don't want to.

Think I'll send him an email outlining how I see things being split and see if he will take that as a starting point. He just doesn't want to involve solicitors cos they cost too much but I'm realising he doesn't get it all his own way - he ought to realise it too!

I thought I was being unreasonable in not wanting to meet with him - thanks for the reassurance! :ghug2

Rainbowsend

He won't like the fact that mediators cost too but he'll save on the meal. If memory serves me right the one I used was £80 an hour