I just walked in on him
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I just walked in on him
I just walked in on my AH in bed with the skankwhore. Yep. The one he said they were just friends. Slept with 5 weeks before I had our baby. Said it was over. I caught them having more contact and kicked him out almost 2 months ago.
He swears as recently as yesterday they were just friends and I was overreacting.
I just went to his house to drop of a picture cd of our 6 month old daughter. The daugther he said he missed so much and loved and missed his family this morning. I walk in and find them in bed...yep!
I was holding baby and threw the covers back. The look on the skankwhore's face was priceless. I just threw the cd at him and said see ya.
I am not crazy. I knew it. He is now texting me 'asking what the fu** that was about'.
I hurt really bad right now. Beyond belief, but this just seals the deal.
He swears as recently as yesterday they were just friends and I was overreacting.
I just went to his house to drop of a picture cd of our 6 month old daughter. The daugther he said he missed so much and loved and missed his family this morning. I walk in and find them in bed...yep!
I was holding baby and threw the covers back. The look on the skankwhore's face was priceless. I just threw the cd at him and said see ya.
I am not crazy. I knew it. He is now texting me 'asking what the fu** that was about'.
I hurt really bad right now. Beyond belief, but this just seals the deal.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
First off, I am so sorry that you had to see that.
My stomach dropped when I read your post.
If you ask me, you deserve a pat on the back.
You saw the choices that he was making and you chose to remove him from your life.
He's still a liar. Let him lie to someone else.
What are you going to do tonight? Do you have someone to talk to?
My stomach dropped when I read your post.
If you ask me, you deserve a pat on the back.
You saw the choices that he was making and you chose to remove him from your life.
He's still a liar. Let him lie to someone else.
What are you going to do tonight? Do you have someone to talk to?
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I just talked with my best friend. I wish I could go and do something fun but I have a baby to take care of and I wouldn't trade her for anything.
Its all sort of sinking in now and I feel worse than I did when I saw them. My adrenaline was high and now its been awhile and it hurts like hell.
He is a liar and I hope he gets everything he deserves.
Its all sort of sinking in now and I feel worse than I did when I saw them. My adrenaline was high and now its been awhile and it hurts like hell.
He is a liar and I hope he gets everything he deserves.
men.....dont look back thats words of a game player...youre not a child ..youre a woman with a child ..you dont need that.make sure you get child support!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by Startingover2 
He is now texting me 'asking what the fu** that was about'.
You did good, Startingover. I know what you witnessed was shocking and incredibly hurtful. I am very, very sorry that you had to see that. But you walked out with your dignity. It sounds like he lost his - if he ever had any - a long time ago.
We're here for you. Please feel free to vent all you want!
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
One of my good friends recently broke up with her ABF/fiance.
He threw a huge fit about how she was the only one for him and he would never love again - called her every day to tell her that she was making a mistake.
When she went over to his apartment to pick up some of her things (they'd lived together) she found women's underwear and used condoms EVERYWHERE
He told her someone must have broken in and left that stuff in his apartment.:wtf2
She was really upset.
When she calmed down a bit she realized that he had no obligation to be faithful to her - she had ended their relationship. He was free to be with whoever he wanted.
But the whole experience opened her eyes to what he meant when he said, "I love you. You're the only one for me."
Yeah - not the only one he'll sleep with!
I guess I'm telling you this story because of the bull$^!* that will probably occur in the wake of your "discovery" of your AH. Sounds like he's already starting it with the "what's your problem?" text messages.
There will probably be some crazy story about how he hasn't been lying about seeing her - tonight was a one time thing, I thought you wanted a divorce so why do you care, etc...:chatter
Prepare yourself and don't buy the bull.
He threw a huge fit about how she was the only one for him and he would never love again - called her every day to tell her that she was making a mistake.
When she went over to his apartment to pick up some of her things (they'd lived together) she found women's underwear and used condoms EVERYWHERE
He told her someone must have broken in and left that stuff in his apartment.:wtf2
She was really upset.
When she calmed down a bit she realized that he had no obligation to be faithful to her - she had ended their relationship. He was free to be with whoever he wanted.
But the whole experience opened her eyes to what he meant when he said, "I love you. You're the only one for me."
Yeah - not the only one he'll sleep with!
I guess I'm telling you this story because of the bull$^!* that will probably occur in the wake of your "discovery" of your AH. Sounds like he's already starting it with the "what's your problem?" text messages.
There will probably be some crazy story about how he hasn't been lying about seeing her - tonight was a one time thing, I thought you wanted a divorce so why do you care, etc...:chatter
Prepare yourself and don't buy the bull.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Sorry you had to go through that. I still think you knew all along, and maybe you needed to see it to "seal the deal". You can trust yourself, and you are being the best mom ever for your daughter. It sure will go a long way in helping you move forward without regret.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 207
I am SO sorry you had to go through seeing that!! This desease is just HORRIBLE....I hate it with every ounce of my being!! Please remember that it IS a desease....as much as it HURTS, the OW is just a pawn in this crazy "chess game" desease. I also threw my ABF out about the same time as you did, so have read your posts alot. So when you posted this one, it hit a deep emotional spot with me. I can almost FEEL your pain!! I'm no expert (and don't claim to be), but from what I read, the OW is more of a crutch, or self esteem boost to them...A's need verification/approval...she doesn't really MEAN ANYTHING to him. He has a very low self esteem, and needs to seek another woman for verification that he is "okay". Please do not take it personally......she is a nobody in the real issue. Bottom line, it doesn't have anything to do with him lovng you, it's the DESEASE....period. They dont think rationally. I know you love your X very dearly....I'm living it myself here too with mine. I feel your pain. I have to say you have ALOT more strenghth than me...I couldn't handle it, and am taking my ABF back....I just couldn't stand the hurt anymore. He says he hasn't been with anyone, but we all know how A's lie. It's all part of the desease, so who really knows.
THEY ARE SICK.
Please hang in there.......you have SO much courage. I see it in your posts!!
I'm praying for you & your AX.
THEY ARE SICK.
Please hang in there.......you have SO much courage. I see it in your posts!!
I'm praying for you & your AX.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 26
(((((HUGS)))))
What a horrible thing to go through. My heart goes out to you.
Alcoholism IS a disease, but it is a disease of not being able to stop drinking. What this man did is an unacceptable behavior... totally different. Alcoholism is not a free ticket to do or say whatever any one wants. They are still responsible for their behavior. I found too often I 'justified' my XAH's behavior as he is drunk etc. Once I stepped back and just looked at his behaviors/actions... he was showing in all ways possible his lack of love.
Sometimes it seems we have 'learned' to tolerate so much garbage from our A's , it takes a giant in your face moment for us to be able to move on... even if it is one baby step at a time.
For all the horror you have just gone through... although it may not seem it today.. you will be stronger. Hang in there....
What a horrible thing to go through. My heart goes out to you.
Alcoholism IS a disease, but it is a disease of not being able to stop drinking. What this man did is an unacceptable behavior... totally different. Alcoholism is not a free ticket to do or say whatever any one wants. They are still responsible for their behavior. I found too often I 'justified' my XAH's behavior as he is drunk etc. Once I stepped back and just looked at his behaviors/actions... he was showing in all ways possible his lack of love.
Sometimes it seems we have 'learned' to tolerate so much garbage from our A's , it takes a giant in your face moment for us to be able to move on... even if it is one baby step at a time.
For all the horror you have just gone through... although it may not seem it today.. you will be stronger. Hang in there....
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Washington State
Posts: 51
I had the exact same thing happen to me. I pulled up to my husband's apartment to surprise him one morning with breakfast. HER car was in the driveway and I knew if I left he would come up with some excuse that her car broke down etc. and he was just helping her out. As I walked by his bedroom window I could hear them inside so I walked in and forced myself so see exactly
what was going on. Yes it was SO painful BUT it was finally what I needed to see that YES this is a disease but I don't need to accept it's buddies lying and cheating. I deserved better and so do you.
what was going on. Yes it was SO painful BUT it was finally what I needed to see that YES this is a disease but I don't need to accept it's buddies lying and cheating. I deserved better and so do you.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Thank you for the support. I need it so bad. I feel sick. I can't keep anything down.
I have been up all night thinking and reliving the moment. Yuck. One thing though is as I was walking in the house I noticed not one beer can anywhere. Guess he really isn't drinking and he does want to be with her.
Guess his family and 6 month old baby wasn't enough. Oh, I forgot to tell you the OW drove another car to his place. She borrowed her friends car so nobody would see her car there and recognize it. They both know its wrong.
What is so sick is saying he wants his family back in the morning and sleeping with the ***** in the evening.
I have been up all night thinking and reliving the moment. Yuck. One thing though is as I was walking in the house I noticed not one beer can anywhere. Guess he really isn't drinking and he does want to be with her.
Guess his family and 6 month old baby wasn't enough. Oh, I forgot to tell you the OW drove another car to his place. She borrowed her friends car so nobody would see her car there and recognize it. They both know its wrong.
What is so sick is saying he wants his family back in the morning and sleeping with the ***** in the evening.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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What has helped me thru times like this was to rememberr that he's not doing it TO me, he's just doing it.
I'm sorry you had to experience that, but now you know what you know. You have choices to make and I know they aren't easy ones. If you can keep the focus on you and your daughter - for you to be the healthiest and happiest mom for her - then I think you'll make good choices. Now might be a good time to read up on boundaries. I had to learn about them as I never had good role models for how to set and maintain personal boundaries.
Hugs to you and your baby too.
Cats
I'm sorry you had to experience that, but now you know what you know. You have choices to make and I know they aren't easy ones. If you can keep the focus on you and your daughter - for you to be the healthiest and happiest mom for her - then I think you'll make good choices. Now might be a good time to read up on boundaries. I had to learn about them as I never had good role models for how to set and maintain personal boundaries.
Hugs to you and your baby too.
Cats
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florence, Kentucky
Posts: 116
My exAGF did a similiar thing. I kicked her out 2 weeks ago for hiding beer and wine. She just didn't want to get sober yet. I have two kids from a previous marriage. I can't put them in the middle of it. Now the exAGF as already hooked up with some toothless redneck so she has a place to live. It hurts, I know, but we have to be strong and look out for ourselves first. We don't need to be apart of their addition. They will stoop to levels well below their standards when they are in survival mode.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am so sorry for your pain. I know it hurts. I have had something similar but did not catch them in the act or nothing just knew it was going on. It made me so mad oh God what a idiot I was for him.
I was very stupid and let him come back and it has been one long down hill tumble for me.
I wish I had not tried so hard to get him back. The pain was so bad though. Looking back I think if I had had this place for support I might have gotten thru it without letting him come back.
Now I realize that he just has to latch on to someone in order to survive and that I don't really mean anymore to him than the OW did. She like me was just someone to help hold him together if not me or her it would be someone else.
Anyway if you consider what he is doing is a deal breaker for you I hope you will hold on to yourself and get all the support you need to get past it so you can get on with your life.
You mentioned that he did not have any alcohol laying around. Don't let that hurt you. I think it is not uncommon to fear they will get clean without us and someone else will get all the good stuff. I say so what? When they move on sometimes it does happen but more than likely he will do her the same way he did you if she gives him enough time.
Take good care of yourself keep the focus on yourself and do not let what he is doing drag you backwards. There are many other men out there but there is only one you. You don't have to play 2hd fiddle to anyone or to alcohol. Keep posting and don't forget to be very gentle with yourself.
I was very stupid and let him come back and it has been one long down hill tumble for me.
I wish I had not tried so hard to get him back. The pain was so bad though. Looking back I think if I had had this place for support I might have gotten thru it without letting him come back.
Now I realize that he just has to latch on to someone in order to survive and that I don't really mean anymore to him than the OW did. She like me was just someone to help hold him together if not me or her it would be someone else.
Anyway if you consider what he is doing is a deal breaker for you I hope you will hold on to yourself and get all the support you need to get past it so you can get on with your life.
You mentioned that he did not have any alcohol laying around. Don't let that hurt you. I think it is not uncommon to fear they will get clean without us and someone else will get all the good stuff. I say so what? When they move on sometimes it does happen but more than likely he will do her the same way he did you if she gives him enough time.
Take good care of yourself keep the focus on yourself and do not let what he is doing drag you backwards. There are many other men out there but there is only one you. You don't have to play 2hd fiddle to anyone or to alcohol. Keep posting and don't forget to be very gentle with yourself.
Looking for the silver lining
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 243
Originally Posted by prodigal
The outright NERVE of an A never fails to amaze me. What "that" was about was you finding your estranged husband having sexual relations with another woman. Jeesh!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. When I have serious eyeopeners like this, I have learned on this forum that this is the universe looking out for me. Heaven knows HOW long you might be tied up with these uncertainities if you hadn't witnessed this first hand.
(((Startingover))), I know that this is an awful betrayal and you are hurting right now, but I have no doubt you will be okay. Keep posting, get your support, and come to a better place...
BTW...is he going to AA or other recovery groups? If not, that is trying to control, not trying to recover. That almost never works...
Love to you and your child. :praying
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Startingover2
One thing though is as I was walking in the house I noticed not one beer can anywhere. Guess he really isn't drinking and he does want to be with her.
In the 15 years I lived with xAH there was NEVER a beer can anywhere - except in the fridge, the cabinet or the trash.
Try not to go down that path of thinking.
((( )))
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
:ghug3
I can only imagine how you must feel. My AH told me he was 'in love' with someone else before we split but I didn't catch him in the act. The betrayal still hurts though.
I'm so impressed with how you handled yourself. You showed such dignity and maturity - I would probably have been screaming etc if I had been in your shoes!
I hope you can somehow find strength from this - for me, this was the dealbreaker, the final nail in the coffin. It killed all the sneaky thoughts of getting back together with him that I had been struggling with. It hurt like hell at the time, and I'm still angry and bitter over it but it did help me move on emotionally.
You deserve so much better than this.
I can only imagine how you must feel. My AH told me he was 'in love' with someone else before we split but I didn't catch him in the act. The betrayal still hurts though.
I'm so impressed with how you handled yourself. You showed such dignity and maturity - I would probably have been screaming etc if I had been in your shoes!
I hope you can somehow find strength from this - for me, this was the dealbreaker, the final nail in the coffin. It killed all the sneaky thoughts of getting back together with him that I had been struggling with. It hurt like hell at the time, and I'm still angry and bitter over it but it did help me move on emotionally.
You deserve so much better than this.
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