hello i'm new. bf is an alcoholic...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: somewhere north of here
Posts: 1
hello i'm new. bf is an alcoholic...
hi, i'm brokenbits (prefer not to even use a nickname at this time). i need an outlet. my boyfriend of almost 4 years is an alcoholic. it took me two and a half years to realize it. we've been living together for over 3 years. i feel like an idiot.
i love him madly. or, i did.
i'm terribly heartbroken and don't know how to cope with this (i'm bipolar so i have my own issues to deal with)...
anyway, this looks like a good starting point. more from me when i can bear to type it.
thank you in advance for everything. just finding this site gives me some hope that i might find some sense of normalcy, somewhere down along the road.
i love him madly. or, i did.
i'm terribly heartbroken and don't know how to cope with this (i'm bipolar so i have my own issues to deal with)...
anyway, this looks like a good starting point. more from me when i can bear to type it.
thank you in advance for everything. just finding this site gives me some hope that i might find some sense of normalcy, somewhere down along the road.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Welcome, and please know it is possible to find some sense of normalcy. I was married to an alcoholic, and have two alcoholic daughters, plus I am in recovery from alcoholism/addiction myself. I also have clinical depression, so I know how difficult it can be to have all that heaped on top of our own issues.
:ghug
:ghug
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Brokenbits is a good name, I would stick with it. Let's face it, we would not be here in the first place if everything was wonderful in our lives.
Welcome to sober recovery. You can get some great support, feedback and information on all of the forums here.
I am sorry to hear about BF. As an alcoholic I know that we can be deceptive and hide our drinking for a long time. Don't feel like an idiot for not knowing, we are masters of it until we get bad enough where our lies won't cover it up anymore. If we are lucky enough to find recovery, we can remerge as the person that you love(d). I pray that BF finds recovery.
Most importantly though, I really hope and pray that you find recovery. Al Anon is a great support group and sober recovery is excellent. Chances are 30 people have already read your post and can relate so you are among people who know what you're going through.
I hope this helps and thank you for sharing your thoughts.
:praying
Welcome to sober recovery. You can get some great support, feedback and information on all of the forums here.
I am sorry to hear about BF. As an alcoholic I know that we can be deceptive and hide our drinking for a long time. Don't feel like an idiot for not knowing, we are masters of it until we get bad enough where our lies won't cover it up anymore. If we are lucky enough to find recovery, we can remerge as the person that you love(d). I pray that BF finds recovery.
Most importantly though, I really hope and pray that you find recovery. Al Anon is a great support group and sober recovery is excellent. Chances are 30 people have already read your post and can relate so you are among people who know what you're going through.
I hope this helps and thank you for sharing your thoughts.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 73
Brokenbits, my bf of almost 2 years is also an alcoholic. It took me about 14 months to come to the conclusion that he was in fact an alcoholic. I don't live with him although I was spending 4-5 nights a week at his house.
I have told myself so many times that I need to get out of this relationship yet as I sit here typing this I'm at his house. I know my tolerance is becoming less and less and now I find myself spending less time at his house. Yet, I'm not ready to make the break.
I love this man with my whole heart and even though I know I didn't cause it, can't control it nor can I cure it I can still have hope that he will make the decision to stop drinking, (not for me) but for himself. I know in my heart though that at some point unless the drinking stops and treatment is sought I will wind up leaving him. I will have to for my own peace of mind, sanity and health.
I just haven't gotten to the point where I can walk away from someone I love. I have been putting some thoughts into going to Al Anon and who knows what steps that will help me to discover that I need to take.
Is there Al Anon in your area?
You can pm me anytime you want. I don't know that I will be very much help but I can relate to where you are.
I have told myself so many times that I need to get out of this relationship yet as I sit here typing this I'm at his house. I know my tolerance is becoming less and less and now I find myself spending less time at his house. Yet, I'm not ready to make the break.
I love this man with my whole heart and even though I know I didn't cause it, can't control it nor can I cure it I can still have hope that he will make the decision to stop drinking, (not for me) but for himself. I know in my heart though that at some point unless the drinking stops and treatment is sought I will wind up leaving him. I will have to for my own peace of mind, sanity and health.
I just haven't gotten to the point where I can walk away from someone I love. I have been putting some thoughts into going to Al Anon and who knows what steps that will help me to discover that I need to take.
Is there Al Anon in your area?
You can pm me anytime you want. I don't know that I will be very much help but I can relate to where you are.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Welcome BB,you've found a great place for help and support.
I know what you mean about being heartbroken over a bf that's an alcoholic. Mine was one too, it's a long hard road. We were not together as long as you but it's a struggle none the less. Have you tried Al Anon meetings, i found them helpful even after we broke up.
I know what you mean about being heartbroken over a bf that's an alcoholic. Mine was one too, it's a long hard road. We were not together as long as you but it's a struggle none the less. Have you tried Al Anon meetings, i found them helpful even after we broke up.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Summer2008 
I just haven't gotten to the point where I can walk away from someone I love.
Al Anon was extremely helpful in discovering why I thought less of my own well being than someone else's.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florence, Kentucky
Posts: 116
Why do we all say that we are in love with the A's. I met my exAGF at work and new she had a drinking problem (smelled it on her breath). Then we starting talking and getting to know each other and fall in love (left my wife for her). Thought I could change her, we can't change them, only they can. So did the effection my exAGF was giving me true love, or just another way to survive? I have been in close contact with her parents, her entire family as washed their hands of her. I must do the same. May never know if she truely loved me or not.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 61
Brokenbits,
My partner whom I love dearly has just elected to go into rehab for an extended period. We've been together for three years and for the first eighteen months I had no idea that she was an alcoholic. Like you, I wonder how I could have been so blind after little episodes like going to the fridge for a glass of wine only to find that the bottle had mysteriously been filled with water. No doubt we could all write very similar books on the traumas we have been through.
AmpHusky, my situation sounds very similar to your own. My partner has decided to go into rehab of her own volition, but not before fracturing every relationship with her family and seeing her children - my step-children - split up with temporary familial foster parents. I really hope that my partner sorts herself out and gets to the bottom of her issues because this is her last chance.
My partner whom I love dearly has just elected to go into rehab for an extended period. We've been together for three years and for the first eighteen months I had no idea that she was an alcoholic. Like you, I wonder how I could have been so blind after little episodes like going to the fridge for a glass of wine only to find that the bottle had mysteriously been filled with water. No doubt we could all write very similar books on the traumas we have been through.
AmpHusky, my situation sounds very similar to your own. My partner has decided to go into rehab of her own volition, but not before fracturing every relationship with her family and seeing her children - my step-children - split up with temporary familial foster parents. I really hope that my partner sorts herself out and gets to the bottom of her issues because this is her last chance.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florence, Kentucky
Posts: 116
Yes it sounds the same. I was on the phone with her yesterday thinking I was getting through to her. She would go commit herself as soon as she was done making dinner for this "Nicest Guy" she found last week after I kicked her out. I don't see her going anytime soon.
It is her addition, not mine.
It is her addition, not mine.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 7
Brokenbits -- Thank you for your post. I think I feel the same "'terribly heartbroken and don't know how to cope with this" feeling that you described.
I am also new here. I have been dating a guy for a few months. I have fallen head over heels in love with him, only to find out last weekend that he has a drinking problem. While we were out last weekend he got incredibly drunk, did a lot of stupid things, etc. At that point, I thought there was nothing that could make me want to spend any time with him again. However when I talked to him the next morning, he asked me to tell him all the details of the night b/c he did not remember anything since he blacked out. After telling him all the details, he apologized and was very remorseful. I told him that apologizing did not fix the problem and that he needed to seek help. Surprising to me, he did. He checked himself into a crisis center to get help. It was a short term facility so he has been released and is now focusing on getting himself the help he needs through AA and other support groups.
I know that this is going to be a lifelong battle for him most likely, but I want to believe he can stay on the path to recovery. I am very scared though. It is such a path of uncertainty for me right now....
Just not sure what to do either... so hoping to find the support I need here
I am also new here. I have been dating a guy for a few months. I have fallen head over heels in love with him, only to find out last weekend that he has a drinking problem. While we were out last weekend he got incredibly drunk, did a lot of stupid things, etc. At that point, I thought there was nothing that could make me want to spend any time with him again. However when I talked to him the next morning, he asked me to tell him all the details of the night b/c he did not remember anything since he blacked out. After telling him all the details, he apologized and was very remorseful. I told him that apologizing did not fix the problem and that he needed to seek help. Surprising to me, he did. He checked himself into a crisis center to get help. It was a short term facility so he has been released and is now focusing on getting himself the help he needs through AA and other support groups.
I know that this is going to be a lifelong battle for him most likely, but I want to believe he can stay on the path to recovery. I am very scared though. It is such a path of uncertainty for me right now....
Just not sure what to do either... so hoping to find the support I need here
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: san diego, california
Posts: 29
I am in the same situation as you girls as well. My boyfriend went to rehab for alcohol for a month and has been clean for two- until he fell of the wagon big time last week. We are madly in love and want a future together- marriage, kids, etc. But Im just really scared now. He's saying this is rock bottom and now he realizes he just cant be a social drinker and has to face the fact he's an alcoholic. Im just so confused right now beause I love him so much, but I cant help thinking that is all just toooo much and toooo heavy. Plus what if years from now he relapses, but this time we have kids, a morgage, etc.? Im going to drive myself nuts I think!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR BrokenBits-
A lot of great advice above already.....
Just wanted to say sorry that you are going through this right now-it can be very heart breaking-but the good news is that you have come to the right place- and although you have because of him-down the road if you stick around you will be happy that you stayed for YOU!
Right now it is heart wrenching to feel the feelings that you are-and as suggested above Al-Anon is another place to start too-It has changed my life in so many ways-I have learned a lot about myself that I never knew! I have said and others ....we go because of our A's but we stay for US! It holds true!
Please check out the stickies too at the top of the forum as they are filled with a wealth of information and a lot of great book recommendations too!
Keep posting you are not alone sweets
A lot of great advice above already.....Just wanted to say sorry that you are going through this right now-it can be very heart breaking-but the good news is that you have come to the right place- and although you have because of him-down the road if you stick around you will be happy that you stayed for YOU!
Right now it is heart wrenching to feel the feelings that you are-and as suggested above Al-Anon is another place to start too-It has changed my life in so many ways-I have learned a lot about myself that I never knew! I have said and others ....we go because of our A's but we stay for US! It holds true!
Please check out the stickies too at the top of the forum as they are filled with a wealth of information and a lot of great book recommendations too!
Keep posting you are not alone sweets
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