Can finally see my life...without my A.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 163
Can finally see my life...without my A.
H and I had a brief reconciliation during which he refused to even look for a job, knowing full well how bleak our finances are. When I called him on it, he told me he didn't need to hear my shite.
It's been a couple of weeks and a couple of things have happened for me.
1 - On the last day I talked to H, I'd gone to the college and updated all of my stuff so that I can register for college in the Spring. I've decided to pursue a life-long dream of becoming a nurse. I don't quite know how I'll do it, but I WILL. I am taking it really slow next year while I figure out how I'll go to school full-time and take care of my kids. I've investigated my options from Medical Assistant to RN and the LVN program puts me where I want to be. I may pursue the RN degree at some point but the LVN gets me in the job I want to do as well at the pay scale in which I will be comfortable.
I do not see my H in this picture at all. He doesn't want me to go to school and he would sabotage my efforts in any and every way possible, consciously or not.
2 - I can see myself living my life with another man. Someone who is good to me and to my children. Heck, my kids would be ecstactic if I dated anyone but H! I went to a boat party this past weekend and rode with a guy, C....we had a lot in common...he's even tempered...etc. I'm not saying I want to date HIM, but I can see myself with another man whereas before I felt an incredible amount of loyalty and devotion to my H.
Funny as it sounds, I want an incredibly boring life with someone. I've had enough drama to last this lifetime and a couple more. I just want to be with someone (eventually) who is stable, secure, kind and supportive. And he has to love my great kids, of course! I have a bit of a crush on a guy (J) who is a few years younger than I am...we'll see where it goes, but I'm not in a rush. And if nothing happens with J, there will be another when the time is right.
I am 37 years old (today's my bday!) and I am truly, utterly content with WHO I AM. I am proud of who I am...for the first time ever. I'm fluffy, and funny, and a really decent human being at my core.
It's been a couple of weeks and a couple of things have happened for me.
1 - On the last day I talked to H, I'd gone to the college and updated all of my stuff so that I can register for college in the Spring. I've decided to pursue a life-long dream of becoming a nurse. I don't quite know how I'll do it, but I WILL. I am taking it really slow next year while I figure out how I'll go to school full-time and take care of my kids. I've investigated my options from Medical Assistant to RN and the LVN program puts me where I want to be. I may pursue the RN degree at some point but the LVN gets me in the job I want to do as well at the pay scale in which I will be comfortable.
I do not see my H in this picture at all. He doesn't want me to go to school and he would sabotage my efforts in any and every way possible, consciously or not.
2 - I can see myself living my life with another man. Someone who is good to me and to my children. Heck, my kids would be ecstactic if I dated anyone but H! I went to a boat party this past weekend and rode with a guy, C....we had a lot in common...he's even tempered...etc. I'm not saying I want to date HIM, but I can see myself with another man whereas before I felt an incredible amount of loyalty and devotion to my H.
Funny as it sounds, I want an incredibly boring life with someone. I've had enough drama to last this lifetime and a couple more. I just want to be with someone (eventually) who is stable, secure, kind and supportive. And he has to love my great kids, of course! I have a bit of a crush on a guy (J) who is a few years younger than I am...we'll see where it goes, but I'm not in a rush. And if nothing happens with J, there will be another when the time is right.
I am 37 years old (today's my bday!) and I am truly, utterly content with WHO I AM. I am proud of who I am...for the first time ever. I'm fluffy, and funny, and a really decent human being at my core.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 184
Happy Birthday! 
8
I am happy for you...For me I want to be by myself and get to know me better...don't even want to think about another man at this point. But I do know what you mean...I still feel that heartfelt loyalty for the man I married, but would prefer boredom to chaos any day!
8I am happy for you...For me I want to be by myself and get to know me better...don't even want to think about another man at this point. But I do know what you mean...I still feel that heartfelt loyalty for the man I married, but would prefer boredom to chaos any day!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Hi,
You say that you can see yourself with another man, but can you see yourself happy just with you and the kids?
When the answer is truly "Yes, I can be happy without a man." only then will you not settle for less than you and the children deserve, manwise. Because if you know that you are fine without a man, you'll only let someone into your life if it really adds good things to it.
For me, when I finally got rid of my ex ab/f, I decided not to date for a year. I wanted to get to know me and my children for a while. I have tried it the other way, going from one man directly to a new one, and I find that I don't make good choices that way. My judgement is impaired when I do that from my bad situation. I'm only gonna date someone when I finish my 12 steps, and when I meet someone who I feel is truly wonderful (and who is long-term sober). Love from:
KJ
You say that you can see yourself with another man, but can you see yourself happy just with you and the kids?
When the answer is truly "Yes, I can be happy without a man." only then will you not settle for less than you and the children deserve, manwise. Because if you know that you are fine without a man, you'll only let someone into your life if it really adds good things to it.
For me, when I finally got rid of my ex ab/f, I decided not to date for a year. I wanted to get to know me and my children for a while. I have tried it the other way, going from one man directly to a new one, and I find that I don't make good choices that way. My judgement is impaired when I do that from my bad situation. I'm only gonna date someone when I finish my 12 steps, and when I meet someone who I feel is truly wonderful (and who is long-term sober). Love from:
KJ
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I love the fluffy comment. Lol. It's great.
There's a lot to be said for living and being alone. Someone asked me the other day if I liked it and I suppose I do. More than anything I appreicate it. I don't miss the dramas either!
Take it easy. It sounds like you've got your head screwed on the right way!
8
There's a lot to be said for living and being alone. Someone asked me the other day if I liked it and I suppose I do. More than anything I appreicate it. I don't miss the dramas either!
Take it easy. It sounds like you've got your head screwed on the right way!
8
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Unstable State
Posts: 95
Happy Birthday, everyone love RN's My A was an RN before they kicked her out of nursing because she failed the Nurse Drug Program. She does get back in 6 months. It is a very respectable, secure, good paying, and self fulfilling job!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 164
Sunflower, I am alittle late getting on this thread but I wish you a happy birthday.
Good luck with the nursing thing, I started by getting an LVN. Early on I was able to work as a CNA while going to school for the LVN. From there I took classes little by little then an RN program. (took 5 years to get a 2 year RN degree but it takes what it takes)
You can do it.8
Good luck with the nursing thing, I started by getting an LVN. Early on I was able to work as a CNA while going to school for the LVN. From there I took classes little by little then an RN program. (took 5 years to get a 2 year RN degree but it takes what it takes)
You can do it.
8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 163
Thank you for all the birthday wishes!
I just want to clarify that I am not looking to move on immediately. I am keeping myself open to date if the opportunity arises. I just wanted to point out that I CAN see myself with another man at this point and couldn't fathom it before. I met H when I was 16 years old.
I just want to clarify that I am not looking to move on immediately. I am keeping myself open to date if the opportunity arises. I just wanted to point out that I CAN see myself with another man at this point and couldn't fathom it before. I met H when I was 16 years old.
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