Al-Anon, How does it help???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 73
Al-Anon, How does it help???
I have been contemplating going to Al-Anon meetings because I want to be able to understand the addiction, yet I'm torn because by doing so somehow it seems likes I would be putting my focus on his addictions and thinking more about him then I need to.
Just the thought of going to Al-Anon terrifies me. The feelings I have right now are just to raw, and I'm still to emotional, yet I know I need to be able to understand the how's, the whys and learn to take the steps forward that I need to for myself.
In the mean time on the surface it looks like I'm doing okay but inside I'm falling apart. I'm going to work every day, taking care of my personal business as needed and I find that every other day I tend to break down and second guess myself. I'm trying to learn to let go, but it's so difficult when you still love the alcoholic.
I have ordered the book Co-Dependent no more and should receive it on Monday.
I have also emailed the HR manager asking for our Employee Assistance Program phone number. I know limited counseling is available through them.
Just the thought of going to Al-Anon terrifies me. The feelings I have right now are just to raw, and I'm still to emotional, yet I know I need to be able to understand the how's, the whys and learn to take the steps forward that I need to for myself.
In the mean time on the surface it looks like I'm doing okay but inside I'm falling apart. I'm going to work every day, taking care of my personal business as needed and I find that every other day I tend to break down and second guess myself. I'm trying to learn to let go, but it's so difficult when you still love the alcoholic.
I have ordered the book Co-Dependent no more and should receive it on Monday.
I have also emailed the HR manager asking for our Employee Assistance Program phone number. I know limited counseling is available through them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Hi - Al Anon isn't about the addiction - it's about me. It is for people who are/were affected by someone else's drinking.
In my opinion, a good meeting does not concentrate on the alcohol. Attending open AA meetings gave me that perspective.
At my first meeting I sat there and cried. I did that a lot the first year. I kept going back because it actually felt good to sit there and cry.
I resisted going for over a year, so I understand the fear. One day at a time.
((( )))
In my opinion, a good meeting does not concentrate on the alcohol. Attending open AA meetings gave me that perspective.
At my first meeting I sat there and cried. I did that a lot the first year. I kept going back because it actually felt good to sit there and cry.
I resisted going for over a year, so I understand the fear. One day at a time.
((( )))
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hi Summer,
My Al-Anon Program is all about discovering and taking care of a wonderful person named ME.
Someone who has been affected by another person's drinking for a long, long time. Due to these affects; I have been unable to properly care mentally, physically and spiritually for myself. Al-Anon provides a path for me to a life that is more connected to healthy choices.
The first few meetings can be little intimidating - but it very widely accepted for you to say "I'm new and would just like to listen" - Then if you don't want to - you don't have to read or share - you can just listen. You will probably receive a newcomer's pkg that will have some useful information to answer some of your questions.
Best wishes for you as you seek the right time for you to give the meetings a try -
HUGS,
Rita
My Al-Anon Program is all about discovering and taking care of a wonderful person named ME.
Someone who has been affected by another person's drinking for a long, long time. Due to these affects; I have been unable to properly care mentally, physically and spiritually for myself. Al-Anon provides a path for me to a life that is more connected to healthy choices.
The first few meetings can be little intimidating - but it very widely accepted for you to say "I'm new and would just like to listen" - Then if you don't want to - you don't have to read or share - you can just listen. You will probably receive a newcomer's pkg that will have some useful information to answer some of your questions.
Best wishes for you as you seek the right time for you to give the meetings a try -
HUGS,
Rita
Last edited by MsPINKAcres; 09-18-2008 at 11:25 AM. Reason: choice of words
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 164
Summer, Al-anon is for you and your recovery. I went at first because my MD told me I needed to go. I followed her instructions. It turned out to be the first place I could go and feel understood. Here was a room of people who had all loved an alcoholic and understood the crazy things that were going on in my life.
I cried for like a year. They were supportive, they were non judgemental, they loved me when I couldn't love myself.
Give it a try. You don't have to talk until you want to. I found that just knowing I had a place to turn to was enough to get me started on the road to recovery.
:ghug3
I cried for like a year. They were supportive, they were non judgemental, they loved me when I couldn't love myself.
Give it a try. You don't have to talk until you want to. I found that just knowing I had a place to turn to was enough to get me started on the road to recovery.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
AlAnon helped me by making me understand the seriousness of MY behavior and how badly I needed help and to change.
I cried a lot too the first few meetings. I didn't speak, I couldn't speak, for a long time. I cried from pain. From relief that sad as it was there were so many people who knew what I was going through.
I went to a couple of "weird" meetings where the vibe wasn't right for me. But I just kept going, kept trying, "Following directions" as I wished my brothers would do, and after a few months it really began to click in huge ways for me.
AlAnon helped me with literature.
With sponsorship.
With understanding that I had choices everyday for myself of how to live, how to feel, how to react and how to detach from other people's insanity and drama.
AlAnon helped me realize I didn't have a clue who I was, and that it might be a good idea to spend some serious time on that.
AlAnon helped me to stop comparing myself with others, to live and let live, to accept that people are in all different ages and stages in their life (including alcoholics) and that I could find someone in a room not to my liking but still accept their wise words or offer them a smile or kind word of encouragement. I have taken that lesson with me everywhere I go.
AlAnon taught me about serious gratitude - for those people, those anonymous strangers, who in trying to save themselves saved me from the alcoholic insanity that ruled my family... I really didn't know any better until I sat in AlAnon meetings and heard about MUCH BETTER ways to behave and think in relation to the A's in my life.
That's just some of the ways AlAnon helped me. I'm sure there are more - I am forever grateful that it exists-- and free and widely available. Amazing.
Peace,
B.
I cried a lot too the first few meetings. I didn't speak, I couldn't speak, for a long time. I cried from pain. From relief that sad as it was there were so many people who knew what I was going through.
I went to a couple of "weird" meetings where the vibe wasn't right for me. But I just kept going, kept trying, "Following directions" as I wished my brothers would do, and after a few months it really began to click in huge ways for me.
AlAnon helped me with literature.
With sponsorship.
With understanding that I had choices everyday for myself of how to live, how to feel, how to react and how to detach from other people's insanity and drama.
AlAnon helped me realize I didn't have a clue who I was, and that it might be a good idea to spend some serious time on that.
AlAnon helped me to stop comparing myself with others, to live and let live, to accept that people are in all different ages and stages in their life (including alcoholics) and that I could find someone in a room not to my liking but still accept their wise words or offer them a smile or kind word of encouragement. I have taken that lesson with me everywhere I go.
AlAnon taught me about serious gratitude - for those people, those anonymous strangers, who in trying to save themselves saved me from the alcoholic insanity that ruled my family... I really didn't know any better until I sat in AlAnon meetings and heard about MUCH BETTER ways to behave and think in relation to the A's in my life.
That's just some of the ways AlAnon helped me. I'm sure there are more - I am forever grateful that it exists-- and free and widely available. Amazing.
Peace,
B.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
Al Anon has help me identify and begin recovery from living with anothers alcoholism. As a kid I learnt many 'crazy skills' to deal with life but I never learnt how to live it. Al Anon teaches me this.
I asked my first sponsor to be my sponsor because I heard her say that she'd learnt (in Al Anon) how to keep the focus on herself and not be overly involved or focused on in her 'alcoholics' life anymore. So I asked her to be my sponsor as by that time I was so sick and tired of thinking about my alcoholic but couldn't seem to stop it. It was like a complusion.
Those of you who have had it, will know what I mean.
It just wore me down and I actually wanted to live and have a good life.
I asked my first sponsor to be my sponsor because I heard her say that she'd learnt (in Al Anon) how to keep the focus on herself and not be overly involved or focused on in her 'alcoholics' life anymore. So I asked her to be my sponsor as by that time I was so sick and tired of thinking about my alcoholic but couldn't seem to stop it. It was like a complusion.
Those of you who have had it, will know what I mean.
It just wore me down and I actually wanted to live and have a good life.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Do you have health insur. through your work, beyond the assistance program?
Counseling and al-anon sure made a difference in my life. I learned a new blueprint for
success by working and applying the 12 steps.
No need for fear.
Nothing changes if nothing changes...let it begin with you.
Counseling and al-anon sure made a difference in my life. I learned a new blueprint for
success by working and applying the 12 steps.
No need for fear.
Nothing changes if nothing changes...let it begin with you.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Hi Summer.
As said, Alanon is NOT about the addiction it is about YOU.
I was 3 years sober to the day when my AA Sponsor told me strongly that I needed to attend Alanon and I need to start NOW. That was over 24 years ago.
You will find others going through what you are going through and those that have gone through it, who will help with their own Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) to show you how they took their eyes off the alcoholic, got off the Roller Coaster, quit The Dance, and got on with their own lives. How they figured out what they wanted for themselves and then started working on GETTING what THEY wanted for themselves.
You didn't CAUSE this,
You can't CONTROL this, and
You can't CURE this.
The 3 C's. Ahhh how they helped me in my recovery from alcoholism and recovery from the alcoholics in my life.
Please give it a try. Try at least 6 different meetings to see which ones you like and don't like. They will be a great help in addition to any therapy you decide to get.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
As said, Alanon is NOT about the addiction it is about YOU.
I was 3 years sober to the day when my AA Sponsor told me strongly that I needed to attend Alanon and I need to start NOW. That was over 24 years ago.
You will find others going through what you are going through and those that have gone through it, who will help with their own Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) to show you how they took their eyes off the alcoholic, got off the Roller Coaster, quit The Dance, and got on with their own lives. How they figured out what they wanted for themselves and then started working on GETTING what THEY wanted for themselves.
You didn't CAUSE this,
You can't CONTROL this, and
You can't CURE this.
The 3 C's. Ahhh how they helped me in my recovery from alcoholism and recovery from the alcoholics in my life.
Please give it a try. Try at least 6 different meetings to see which ones you like and don't like. They will be a great help in addition to any therapy you decide to get.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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