justjo

Gee, I dont know how Im feeling. I come on this site and occasionally respond to others in my shoes. I think everythings going good and whammo its happened again. My son who was doing so well all this year has lost it again and right now I cant even speak to him. I knew he was depressed with the breakup with his girlfriend and I was fearful.
My nephew had a BBQ 17th birthday and invited all my sons. My AS got really drunk (I fear drugs may have been taken due to what he did) and started verbally attacking my nephews friends (marking rude remarks) and one of them answered him back. So what does my AS do?? grabs a knife and starts at him. After this happened my other son took him home. The next day my son rang my AS about the incident. (he didnt remember it happening). So once again his brother is angry with him, and all the other relatives. He doesnt know how this makes me feel. Having to face the rellies after this. Its embarrassing and he didnt remember. I know this is not my fault but heck, I feel stupid sometimes. My other sons are good citizens and respect others. I just wonder what went wrong. I hate this. As if I dont have enough with my Alcoholic Sister, my son is doing it too. I know I cant do anything but somedays I just dream of a happy family.

MsPINKAcres

((jo))

hate so much that this happened - I can relate to those heartbreaking family events when the A's "act out".

It is so very difficult for me to not "take this on" as my own. But Al-Anon has given me the tools to keep reminding myself that this is NOT mine. I have little post-it notes that say

"Alcoholism/Addiction is NOT my fault"

"I do not have the power to cause another person to act a certain way"

"I am only responsible for myself and my actions"

"It's not about me"

Sometimes I have to repeat these statement 100 x's a day - but it does help me to work on letting those unrealistic guilt, responsible and shame feelings go and let my HP handle the situation.

Prayers & good thoughts for you as you work thru your emotions, the same for your family and also for your AS that his heart & mind will be open to recovery soon.

HUGS,
Rita

Barbara52

How old is your son? Would you consider reporting him and/or trying to have him committed for engaging in behavior that is adanger to others?

justjo

My son is nearly 25 and he has had much trouble with the law. He is an aggressive drinker but when drugs are taken he can be absolutely horrific. Apparently there is much I dont even know about and my other sons hate being around him. My sons have always been close and have put up with his erractic behaviours up until now.
Truth is, sometimes I blame myself (I know, I know) It all started when I left his father when he was about 12. The breakup was bad and my ex took it out on the kids. It was a bad situation all round. I just wonder if things would have been different if we had stayed together. My AS just went off the rails, started taking mariuanna, other stuff and alcohol. I kicked him out of home at 16 because of the disruptive nonsense. We tried to help him in many ways before that but it just got worse. I guess I feel guilty about that too. You know, maybe if I kept him home things would have been different. Who Knows!! I guess Im only human and care for my son. The funny thing though, we have a really good relationship. He will talk to me but he also will crawl under a rock. I have gone backwards this week but I will stay strong.
Thanks for your kind words. I just needed to get it off my chest yesterday.

lizw

You know it is alright to tell your son how you feel right?
You're not doing him any favours if you don't despite the fact he can't remember. If he's the one pulling out the knives, he's the one who needs to feel the feelings that go along with that behaviour the next day NOT YOU.
He may not like hearing it and you may not like saying it but it will make you feel better. Better out than in.


:ghug3

Done_With_It

I agree about calling the authorites on him.

I don't agree about you being at fault.

Many of us come from abusive homes, pasts, etc.
But we choose as adults. You did the best you could.

I know someone from my past who experienced some
of what I did as a child, he used his past to turn violent.
I wish someone would have turned him in,
because his actions did end up affecting/hurting me and a few others.

You could end up saving him by turning him in.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, I can't even imagine..
:ghug

cmc

(((justjo))))
No words because what I had in mind has already been expressed so well.