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He THINKS he's so clever

Old 09-17-2008, 03:11 PM
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Rediscovering myself
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He THINKS he's so clever

For weeks now all I've gotten is "I've changed" and love letters but the actions and the words didn't jive. So I did a little snooping and sure enough... he's hiding liquor from me. So much for being sober.

So instead of getting better, he's actually slipping further down the slope. Great... just GREAT!!

Called the lawyer, he said just to keep documenting what a wonderful Mom I am and watch the days go by.... let stbaxh hang himself with his own actions.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:26 PM
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I know it hurts when your suspicions are confirmed. You may find it easier to stop checking up on him, especially since it won't change anything.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:32 PM
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Rediscovering myself
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Well, the lawyer has requested that I do check... thus the checking/documenting. I'm done checking though, he said we have enough. Just need to let a few more weeks go by establishing me as the main care giver for our child... more like documenting his lack of involvement.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:37 PM
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Documenting his lack of involvement with your child makes a lot of sense to me. That is preparing to get what you want and what is best for you both. Documenting his drinking doesn't make a whole lot of differnece in courts from what I have heard. Could be different where you are though. And of course, following your attorney's advice is what counts.
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Old 09-17-2008, 06:40 PM
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jusaboutus,
I know that gut feeling you get, and I'm finally learning to trust it. My AH has been charming and participating in housework and parenting, saying he's not drinking during the week. I suspect it is either a manipulation so he can keep his family and drinking too, or a feeble attempt to prove to me (and himself) that he's not an alcoholic. Either way my gut is saying not much has changed. I have been tempted so many times to go looking, but have not. Then my 4 year old finds an empty fifth in our storage room.......just a reminder from my HP to trust that little voice.
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Old 09-18-2008, 01:25 AM
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My AH was a master at never admitting he was drinking and hiding all evidence .... and as a result, he put me through many years of never ending mind games and misery. After all, what a heartless cruel person I must be to be so intolerant of his mood swings and strange behavior. He kept insisting I had a problem and he didn't, and I kept trying to defend myself and reason with him .. all in vain. He actually drug me to 2 separate marriage counselors insisting that the only thing wrong with our marriage was my bad attitude and intolerance of his supposedly innocent behavior. The lengths he went to hide the truth were unbelievable.

Since I had never known him to lie to me, I halfway began to doubt myself. It was only when I finally made the effort to get to the truth, stop the mind games and find his carefully hidden alcohol stash - that my life began to change for the better. I finally had the validation and evidence I needed to insist he leave our home until he got sober. If I hadn't found it, he would have made me feel I was totally unjustified in keeping him away from his children - and he never would have willingly left. Keeping an active alcoholic out of our home was a different matter altogether. The mind games stopped and finally he accepted he had a serious problem. No more being able to twist everyone's perception of who he really was ... including the marriage counselors that had halfway believed him when he said he wasn't drinking. Our relatives finally believed me and started supporting me .. they stopped enabling and finally accepting he was an alcoholic. Sadly, after a while like so many alcoholics, he would again profess sobriety and the mind games would start in again with an onslaught of excuses for his odd behavior ...and the ONLY time the games stopped and reality was faced, was when I found the hidden alcohol. I didn't have to do it often, and hated having to do it.....but when the truth came out, was the only time he faced reality and made an effort to change ... and I could again start living my life and making decisions based on facts ... not what he attempted to manipulate me into believing as he had done for so many years.

I wished I would have trusted my gut sooner ..but sometimes seeing the reality of a Vodka bottle with your own eyes is the most effective way to face the truth and start changing your life.
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