It's Over
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 73
It's Over
So, last I posted, I let you all know that I told XABF that if he stayed sober & stayed in a treatment program for 90 days we could discuss a reconciliation. I did not completely cut off contact, he's been calling me almost every evening - but he's been sober. It's very difficult because he lives directly across the street from me, but I have been keeping my boundary. He is not allowed at my house, and although I have 'seen' him, we have not talked in person at all. He's been going to AA, he's been talking coherently & logically, and we've been having some nice conversations. The 'hope' was starting to creep up on me. Maybe, just maybe, he'd make it this time.
WRONG!
I was backing out of my driveway this afternoon, and here he was walking up next to my car. I roll my window down, and he is DRUNK! I ask him what he wanted, he said to just say 'hi'. I asked him where he had been (he pulled up, when I was pulling out), he said at an AA meeting. I say, 'Funny, I didn't think they served alcohol at AA meetings.' He started getting beligerent and saying, 'what, are you ACCUSING me of drinking again?'. I just shook my head, rolled up my window, and pulled away. Why bother?? His eyes were glassed over, he was slurring his words, he had that disgusting spittle in the corners of his mouth, and he staggered across the street. Any moron that didn't know him would have seen how drunk he was.
I just got off the phone with him. I very clearly told him that I did not want ANY contact with him at all, anymore. No phone calls, no talking, and he is never to come to my house or I will call 911 the second he reaches my steps. Not only did he not stay sober for 90 days, not only did he try to lie to me about drinking, but he told me he was at an AA meeting when he was really at a bar!!! Unbelievable!!! The insanity never stops.
I'M DONE! I will NOT have any further contact with him. The hardest part is living directly across the street from him, I almost feel like I have to lock myself in my house with all my windows & doors shut so he's not 'stalking' me out. I have no choice about that though. I can't move. But, I've gotten a taste the last few weeks of how peaceful my life can be, and I refuse to be pulled into this drama anymore.
I don't even know how I feel right now. I part of me wants to cry, a part of me wants to scream in anger, and another part of me is just numb...
:praying
WRONG!
I was backing out of my driveway this afternoon, and here he was walking up next to my car. I roll my window down, and he is DRUNK! I ask him what he wanted, he said to just say 'hi'. I asked him where he had been (he pulled up, when I was pulling out), he said at an AA meeting. I say, 'Funny, I didn't think they served alcohol at AA meetings.' He started getting beligerent and saying, 'what, are you ACCUSING me of drinking again?'. I just shook my head, rolled up my window, and pulled away. Why bother?? His eyes were glassed over, he was slurring his words, he had that disgusting spittle in the corners of his mouth, and he staggered across the street. Any moron that didn't know him would have seen how drunk he was.
I just got off the phone with him. I very clearly told him that I did not want ANY contact with him at all, anymore. No phone calls, no talking, and he is never to come to my house or I will call 911 the second he reaches my steps. Not only did he not stay sober for 90 days, not only did he try to lie to me about drinking, but he told me he was at an AA meeting when he was really at a bar!!! Unbelievable!!! The insanity never stops.
I'M DONE! I will NOT have any further contact with him. The hardest part is living directly across the street from him, I almost feel like I have to lock myself in my house with all my windows & doors shut so he's not 'stalking' me out. I have no choice about that though. I can't move. But, I've gotten a taste the last few weeks of how peaceful my life can be, and I refuse to be pulled into this drama anymore.
I don't even know how I feel right now. I part of me wants to cry, a part of me wants to scream in anger, and another part of me is just numb...
:praying
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
You have a right to cry and let it out. Holding things in can make it worse. I have been where you are and you can not make sense of it. I couldnt make sense of my own drinking let alone someone else. Stay strong in your decision and this will pass. You are not responsible for him. LOL
That comment made me laugh out loud. LOL.
I just wanted to say, try not to take it so personally. If he had cancer and was in remission then lapsed, you wouldn't be mad/upset.
He's just doing what alcoholics do. He's drinking.
And it sounds like you've made a sound choice not having him in your life.
One of Al Anon's daily readers has this great story about a guy who goes and continually sits under a tree filled with birds, then gets upset when the birds s**t on him.
As I said he's doing what alcoholics do, just like birds do.
It's not personal.
Take it easy
I just wanted to say, try not to take it so personally. If he had cancer and was in remission then lapsed, you wouldn't be mad/upset.
He's just doing what alcoholics do. He's drinking.
And it sounds like you've made a sound choice not having him in your life.
One of Al Anon's daily readers has this great story about a guy who goes and continually sits under a tree filled with birds, then gets upset when the birds s**t on him.
As I said he's doing what alcoholics do, just like birds do.
It's not personal.
Take it easy
Oh, tormented, what a sucky afternoon. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Gosh, I know how you feel about the mixed-up feelings. Whenever I'd get my hopes up just to get them splintered, I would feel this insane mix of wanting to cry my eyes out, beg and plead, and break things in anger. It's all part of the crazyness of our hearts trying to make sense out of alcoholism, and trying to control it somehow.
I used to play racquetball, and I would rent a court alone for an hour and just slam, slam, slam, slam the little blue ball around and around until I couldn't run or pick the racquet up any more, then I'd sit on the floor (next to the door, where they couldn't see me through the window) and cry. Helped a lot.
Take these next few days slowly and carefully, and treat yourself exquisitely well. You have been through the mill and need healing in any form it comes to you in.
Hugs,
GL
Gosh, I know how you feel about the mixed-up feelings. Whenever I'd get my hopes up just to get them splintered, I would feel this insane mix of wanting to cry my eyes out, beg and plead, and break things in anger. It's all part of the crazyness of our hearts trying to make sense out of alcoholism, and trying to control it somehow.
I used to play racquetball, and I would rent a court alone for an hour and just slam, slam, slam, slam the little blue ball around and around until I couldn't run or pick the racquet up any more, then I'd sit on the floor (next to the door, where they couldn't see me through the window) and cry. Helped a lot.
Take these next few days slowly and carefully, and treat yourself exquisitely well. You have been through the mill and need healing in any form it comes to you in.
Hugs,
GL
Wow - That really sucks. It's unfortunate that a lot of us here have been through similar.
I had about 6 months of peace and had starting re-building a friendship with XABF when he showed up at my house out of the blue and told me he didn't want me in his life - this realization came 3 days after he went to see a game at Chillis with a "buddy from AA" (the only TV's are in the bar).
Like Liz said - he's just doing what alcoholics do.
I too was done with the drama at that point and cut off all contact.
Be gentle with yourself - hugs to you ((()))
I had about 6 months of peace and had starting re-building a friendship with XABF when he showed up at my house out of the blue and told me he didn't want me in his life - this realization came 3 days after he went to see a game at Chillis with a "buddy from AA" (the only TV's are in the bar).
Like Liz said - he's just doing what alcoholics do.
I too was done with the drama at that point and cut off all contact.
Be gentle with yourself - hugs to you ((()))
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Why would you need to move? Right now, it may be hard for you to live right across the street, and you may want to move away just not to see him anymore, but in time, it will get easier. Just hold your head high, work your program, go about your business and always remember, as the others have said, he's just doing what alcoholics do. I know, easier said than done, but trust me, you will get thru this. Hugs to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 73
I bought my house about 4 1/2 years ago - when the housing market was at it's peak and right before it took a huge dump. Now, even though I've been making mortgage payments for 4 1/2 years, I owe about $10,000 more on my house than I could sell it for. The house prices in my neighborhood have fallen that far. I can't afford a $10k loss; therefore, I can't sell and move.
Plus, I love my house. I was so proud of myself when I bought it after I got a divorce. I did it on my own, and it's a very nice home. Why should I have to sell mine and my son's home, that we love?? This man has done enough damage - let alone forcing me from my own home.
When I met him, he had his own house, about 1/2 hour away from me; he since had it foreclosed and now lives with his mother, who lives across from me (how's that for a small world? Just my luck!). It just sucks really.
Liz - your comment of 'He's just doing what alcoholics do. He's drinking.' - as simple as it is, really helped. I have to keep remembering that. And, your bird poop analagy brought a smile to my face - cute!
Thank you all for all your encouraging words and hugs - it's greatly appreciated!!
No contact, no contact, no contact; and, "he's doing what alcoholics do".
These are the things I've kept repeating to myself today. Each day will get easier....right??
Plus, I love my house. I was so proud of myself when I bought it after I got a divorce. I did it on my own, and it's a very nice home. Why should I have to sell mine and my son's home, that we love?? This man has done enough damage - let alone forcing me from my own home.
When I met him, he had his own house, about 1/2 hour away from me; he since had it foreclosed and now lives with his mother, who lives across from me (how's that for a small world? Just my luck!). It just sucks really.
Liz - your comment of 'He's just doing what alcoholics do. He's drinking.' - as simple as it is, really helped. I have to keep remembering that. And, your bird poop analagy brought a smile to my face - cute!
Thank you all for all your encouraging words and hugs - it's greatly appreciated!!
No contact, no contact, no contact; and, "he's doing what alcoholics do".
These are the things I've kept repeating to myself today. Each day will get easier....right??
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Plus, I love my house. I was so proud of myself when I bought it after I got a divorce. I did it on my own, and it's a very nice home. Why should I have to sell mine and my son's home, that we love?? This man has done enough damage - let alone forcing me from my own home.
I'd also stay if I loved the house. Sometimes I ask because I'm not sure in what context the word "can't" is being used.
I agree - keeping the focus on me left me worrying less and less about xAH living up the street. I think in 3 years now I've seen him twice (not counting the courthouse). He really does live about 3 blocks away.
I agree - keeping the focus on me left me worrying less and less about xAH living up the street. I think in 3 years now I've seen him twice (not counting the courthouse). He really does live about 3 blocks away.
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