LucyA

My aunt is the one I'm definately not worried about, she's strong and she tries to understand as much as she can, she's the one I can talk honestly to and know that she'll think about what I say and give me her honest opinion in return. She just knows how much I love my brother and how close we were over the years, and she's in the same place with my mum, they're close and she wants to support her sister, but she's finding it difficult because she doesn't agree with what my mum does for him and doesn't want to help her enable my bro.

Mair

Sorry Lucy, i read your post wrongly

"My aunt asked me how I can be so cool abut it and not let it affect me, she knows I love my brother and care about what happens, but she can't understand how I can appear to switch it all off.

this just reminded me of my best friend, who although she'd beg me to end my relationship with ab, she'd always ask me, and still does "I feel so sorry for Peter, he must be really sad, i dont know how you can just let him go and carry on.

this comment would always get me thinking "Oh god, have i done the right thing, have i caused him pain,am i a cold calous person"???

I know that im not, and so do the people here, but a lot of my friends don't understand.

Alcoholism certainly affects the whole family, im glad you have your Aunt, and im sure she is glad of you.

GiveLove

Late to this thread, but hugs to you, Lucy. I know how all of this must feel, and I'm proud of you for doing the right thing.

BBD

Oh Lucy, My heart aches for you hon. You seem like a wonderful sister that is doing all you can with limits. Your parents are trying their best. Hopefully your brother gets the care he needs and you can all rest at night. Big hugs, Bonnie

LucyA

Joe's asked to go see his dad today, (he's still in hospital) so, as I've no reasonable excuse not to, and I don't want to keep him away from his dad, I guess I'll be visiting.
I'll probably do what I did last time and go outside for a smoke so Joe can have some time with his dad alone and I can breathe. I'm ok with all that.

What I'm not ok with is how it's going to be if his 'friends' are there again and Joe gets upset with them (and his dad) joking and making light of his dads problems. Times like that I just want to scream at them to have some respect for the child, but Joe wouldn't like that either.

I have to admit that this isn't going to be easy for me.

Impurrfect

((((Lucy)))

Sending extra hugs and prayers to you and Joe, that you can get through this day.

Amy

Lilyflower

(((((Lucy))))) good luck with the visit today, lots of hugs and love to you

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

Well, we went, got a lift with my mum and dad. It wasn't the best experience of my life.

I had an amazing conversation with Joe though when we got home.

He was obviously 'down', very quiet, not his usual self, so I took what I thought at the time was a bit of a risk, and I told him how I feel about his dad and his behaviour tonight. His dad was again joking about drinking, he found a reference to drinking in everything that was said (I understand to a point, it's a major part of his life and it's bound to be on his mind while he can't get any) bt he was totally insensitive to Joe's feelings about it all. Joe even told him that he shouldn't be thinking like that, he should be thinking of other things to spend his time on and find new friends somewhere else like sports clubs and stuff.

Anyway, I told Joe that at times my feelings confuse me, I want to punch his dad because of the way he behaves, but at the same time I know he's sick and I love him.
I tried to put it in words for Joe to understand.

He said he feels the same way, but he's decided if his dad drinks when he comes home he isn't going to go to see him or have anything to do with him, he said he knows it will be hard for both of them but he's made his mind up that he doesnt want to go through it anymore, bu the also knows his dad will drink if he wants to.

I could hardly believe what I was hearing (in a good way) those were Joes words not mine, he made that decision all by himself, even if he doesn't stick to it right away I'm so proud of him for recognising what he needs to do. Maybe I am doing something right!

This week has been so up and down in so many ways, I'm happy I can say, right now I'm more up than down.

HopeandPrayer

Lucy, I think you are doing an AWESOME job. Little Joe is obviously picking up on all the wisdom and love you have shown him. Even tho he loves his dad, he sounds like he is trying to be very mature about the place his dad is at. I hope for his sake things turn out well for both of you, and your parents start to help you more along the path instead of putting roadblocks in your path of taking care of Joe.

Keep up the good work, my prayers are with you and yours
Barb

Impurrfect

((Lucy))

I agree...you are doing an AWESOME job and Joe is learning how to deal with his feelings because you are so supportive.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Bernadette

This child could only have said this knowing he was with a person who could hear it and "get it" and not judge him.
He could say it because he felt safe, and because he has a stable home in which to base himself.

You are a daily example of sanity Lucy! You're doing a great job. Big hugs to you and Joe and the boys--I will never understand why life has to be so hard and painful....but I admire anyone who meets those difficulties with warmth and compassion. That would be YOU!!

Peace-
B.

peaceteach

Hugs and prayers, Lucy. You are doing great. One day at a time, sweetie.

Lilyflower

What a mature young man! I agree Joe has said this to you because he feels safe and secure, he knows you understand and that he has a place he can stay and be safe. ~You are doing an excellent job Lucy!!

Love to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

I have to post this, it actually makes me chuckle even though it's so sad really.

when I went with Joe and my mum and dad to the hospital Saturday, my mum asked my bro why he hadn't been discharged yet as that's what they were expecting last week.

He said, so straightfaced it was awesome, 'they said I have to lose some weight over the next couple of days'

mum says 'well you arent going to ose that much over a couple of days are you?'

he said ' I lost seven pounds yesterday'

mum said 'Oh well done, you'll be out in no time'

She wasn't kidding either.

So far I've resisted phoning the hospital to ask if it's true as the nurses on the ward know me as the sane one of the family.

FormerDoormat

That type of rapid weight loss is water weight, meaning he may have a serious water retention problem. As in he may be having trouble with his liver or perhaps he's suffering from congestive heart failure--both complications of advanced alcoholism. Seeing that he's been known to lie in the past, I'd wager that he's lying about his liver results being "fine." The only results I'd believe are those I've seen in writing or those that come directly from his doctor's mouth.

I've seen huge weight loss overnight like this before--with Richard. In his case he was suffering from congestive heart failure. Are the doctors administering a drug called Lasix? If so, it's a powerful diuretic that's used to rid the body of excess water weight.

LucyA

He lies every time he opens his mouth I'm sure. As far as I know he isn't being given that drug, but I honestly haven't asked anyone for at least a week. He could be losing fluid at that rate because his stomach was very swollen last week, he looked pregnant with his spindly legs hanging off a barrel belly.

I think my mother would believe him if he told her he was pregnant actually, and she'd blame the woman who left him like that. She's unbelievable at the moment, swallowing every lie he tells her and adding her own bits to justify them to everyone else.

He'll do what he's going to do wether I know the truth or not, and I'd rather not know at the moment to be honest.

Lilyflower

((((Lucy)))) I am sorry to hear of this rapid weight loss too. I saw this happen to my exabf's mum, she also had the distended stomach and spindly legs. She was in liver and renal failure. I hesitate to write it, but it may be best to begin preparing for the worst. I truely hope that the doctors have the opportunity to turn this around for your brother and for your family. I will continue to pray for all of you,

Much much love to you all
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

I think am prepared Lily, what makes it so sad for me is that my parents can't/wont even see that he has problems even at this stage. They just think he drinks too much and too often and now that he's been in hospital for over two weeks and hasn't touched any he'll be fine. (they forget he walked out to the pub last week)
They seem to think all he needs is to stay off it, get some rest, lose this fluid and go home and all will be well.

And I know, even if they would accept it they can't do a thing about it, but it's frustrating to know they could help themselves if they did.

Lilyflower

(((((Lucy))))), I wish I could get through this screen to give you some real hugs, cyber ones just aint enough.


Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LucyA

I'll imagine them speeding up the East Lancs road instead Lily, that makes you seem more real