sam79

My ABF decided, during a 3 day bender, to text me tonight and let me know he'd found some flex and was about to hang himself!
I knew straight away this was attention seeking crap, if he was gonna kill himself he'd just do it, not tell me and keep on texting me asking if i was gonna come and stop him!!!!!!
What an absolute idiot.
Im so sick of this, but i decided to go and have a night out and ignore him. Thank god he gave up texting me in the end when he knew he wouldnt get anywere.
Has anyone else had this experience? just wondering how you handled it.
I dont live with my ABF at the mo, had to move out because of his drunken temper, so its kinda easy for me to detach.
sam.xx

GiveLove

What a drama queen. Er, drama king that is.

Suicide threats are a common thing. Once in a great while someone will actually allow themselves to descend far enough to carry it out. No matter how you choose to respond. Their life, their choice, sad as it is.

Good for you sam. I hope he finds his way, but moreso I'm happy you're finding yours.

sam79

Thanks!
I must admit though im kinda scared about the chances that he might actually do it.
I doubt that he would but i just have something nagging at me.
Not that i can do anything if he did, at the end of the day its his choice and its totally out of my hands.
It all just makes me so sad, all this drama is doing my head in.
Its not something i need right now and will not be tolerated.

Done_With_It

That has happened to me before, I call 911 and report them.
You just never know. Then it is out of my hands.
I don't feel I am qualified to deal with those games, or
know if they are serious.
Then they also get the message that I don't play those games,
and/or get the help they need.

My Mom taught me that.

I used to let people play those games with me and I'd get so
upset and stressed out, I'D end up suicidal by the end of the night
over it all..

Mair

Oh yes, similar threats to get me back. The clincher was he lied about having cancer, and of course i went back. Till one day a miracle happend and he didnt have cancer anymore!!. NO CONTACT Sam, it was the only way for me to stop the madness.

Mair

sam79

Well i went round to his house today after much thought.
Checked he was still alive, told him i will not have anymore drama and its now up to him if he wants to sort this mess out.
Its tough to be so harsh with him but he has to understand i cant keep putting up with this blackmail, attention seeking and verbal abuse and that i will not have a thing to do with him whilst he is drunk.
My bounderies are firmly set and i WILL NOT compromise.

NYC_Chick

My ex told me once that I made him so miserable that he was going to kill himself. He told me several times after that how he thought about killing himself and it was hard not to. I told him that if he wanted to kill himself it was his choice, that I would feel bad for a while, but my life would go on. He turned this into "Go ahead and kill yourself. I don't care." and went and told our couples therapist about that.

I would hate if he killed himself because he really does have may wonderful qualities, however, if that's what he decides to do, then there is nothing I can do to stop him. The same goes for you.

NoelleR

First off, yes, I realize that many active alcoholics/addicts may use suicide talk and threats as a way of manipulating (being such good manipulators), and this may be the case here.....BUT....:

People PLEASE.....ALL suicide threats should be taken seriously.....

There was a time when the thinking was that if a person talked about suicide, or if they threatened suicide, they weren't serious....it was just all talk....and even if they were serious, there was nothing anyone could really do if they were serious......

It has since been learned (through studies---check some of them out online) that this thinking is false....these are now just suicide/suicide threat myths...

So, please, if a friend/relative/whomever does threaten suicide, call the proper authorities....911 is always good.....yes, I know that most active alcoholics/addicts are manipulators and selfish.....but for me, if I was to ignore someone's talk/threats of suicide....I would consider that selfish on my part, and one selfish person in a relationship [no matter how many are in this relationship (one on one, or a family or group)] is one too many..... (o:


NoelleR

GiveLove

Calling 911 is a good option. Telling them that you've received a suicide threat and that you can no longer reach the person will dispatch someone to them. this has two benefits:

1) if they're serious, help is on the way
2) if they're not, they're going to have a lot of hassle and embarrassment to deal with, and that may be enough to get them not to call you again.

I've lost loved ones to suicide -- people who were kind and loving and tried everything they knew how to do before making that choice. I've also had it held over my head by abusive, manipulative drunks who didn't like the fact they were losing their enabler.

The media, and society, and movies, and books, would have us believe that if someone we care about takes their own life, it's because we screwed up somewhere -- we didn't come running on X day, we didn't say Y or do Z, somebody failed somewhere along the line. I just don't think we have that much power. It is terribly sad when someone makes that choice, but it is not selfish to choose your own life over continuing to accept abuse and manipulation from someone who refuses to get help.

There's no way to be sure if someone's going to follow through or not, but you can stop being their personal savior and let a professional trained in suicide prevention take care of him. You're not a suicide prevention hotline, and you can't save him if he really wants to do it.

Tally

My abf once hinted at suicide when I wouldn't cook him something to eat, grabbed his coat and said "I'm off somewhere I won't be such a burden to anyone, then you'll be sorry", my response was "Ok see ya, shut the door properly babe" and said with a big smile.
Hard as it may be, if you don't respond they'll eventually realise it's not getting them the attention they're seeking.

SugarLily

I had a text message saying "See you on the other side" once. I knew he wouldn't do anything but that tiny shred of doubt I had made me drive around with my mum at 5am monday morning. We drove everywhere, the old house, clubs, bars, everywhere.

When I did eventually find he he was half asleep, laughed when I told him what he sent, he couldn't remember. Then he got vicious and angry, even pushing me and my mum away.

Not once did I get an apology for the worry he put me through.

I'm so glad I'm away from all the drama.

tormented22267

My XABF used to threaten suicide on almost a monthly basis. When we were first dating, I used to go over & talk to him, beg & plead, tell him all he had to live for - blah, blah, blah (how sad I was then). I eventually got a little smarter and started just calling 911. They'd take him to a hospital, a few hours later he'd be back home & back to drinking - laughing about how everyone was so concerned about him. I started realizing that he liked this attention too. As long as he was getting attention, he was happy. After I realized that, I've started ignoring his suicide threats completely. They have slowed down, but never stopped.

Since we broke up (almost 3 weeks ago - yeah! ), he's called and left me one 'threat' message, he told me how sorry he was and said 'farewell my love, you'll be happy now that I'll be gone' - QUACK!!! I deleted the message, shut the ringer off on my phone and went to sleep.

It may sound cold and uncaring, but, I can only hear that threat so much before I just start rolling my eyes. He's a coward. I honestly don't think he'd ever be man enough to take his own life. On the off chance that he ever did, it would hurt me greatly - but, it wouldn't be my fault.