RA boyfriend isolating himself from non-A girlfriend

Old 09-13-2008, 01:15 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Unhappy RA boyfriend isolating himself from non-A girlfriend

Hi Everyone,

I am so glad that I found this forum and will appreciate any advice from both Recovering Alcoholics, Alcoholics, and those that love them like me.

A little over three months ago I met the man of my dreams. He is an RA and was 1 year 9 months sober at the time. Everything was wonderful. He was the best boyfriend I ever had and we were both very much in love with each other. My family loved him. He sent me flowers and presents all of the time and I truly believed he was my soulmate.

Then it came time for his two year anniversary of sobriety and he warned me before it happened that he got really weird around his one year anniversay and he might get weird again. Well he did, he began to get very depressed and he started smoking again. He also began to distance himself from me.

We took some time apart and he repeatedly told me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me and that I was the most precious thing to him. We did talk about seeing each other a little bit less (we had been seeing each other almost every day) and I began to go to Al Anon which I like and I totally support him going to his meetings and am very understanding when he needs to take a call from another person in the program. I don't drink at all either.

So.... yesterday... somewhat out of the blue... he broke up with me. He told me that at this point in his sobriety he needs to be alone. He told me that he still loves me and that I'm perfect and I didn't do anything wrong and that he needs to be alone at this point in his sobriety. I asked him if we could just take a break and then see what happens and not break up, but he wanted to break up.

I am so upset and love him so much and want to support him. I am not sure what to do. Others have told me that he may be isolating himself because he is going to drink again, especially since he already started smoking again. Regardless, I know he is going through a hard time right now and I want to be there for him. I love him.

I don't know what to do. Do I just not contact him at all? Should I check in on him in a week or so and see how he is doing? Should I let him know that I love him and want to support him no matter what is going on?

Do you think there is any chance that if I give him this time that he will get back into his recovery and then want to get back together? I am so upset and love him so much. He is the most wonderful person that I ever met.

Any advice would be much appreciated and I am going to continue the Al Anon meetings. :praying
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Old 09-13-2008, 07:05 AM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice but I wanted to bump this back to the top for you. I hope it works out, please keep posting!
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Old 09-13-2008, 10:13 AM
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Welcome. ANything I say is pure speculation of course but it could be that he is just being honest and needs to concentrate on his recovery. A valid thing for him to do. It could be he is headed for a relapse. Either way, nothing you say or do will change what he does.

There is nothing you can do really other than accept that at least for the time being a realtionship with him involves this sort of thing. You get to decide if this is the sort of relationship you want. Acceptance of what really is, what he need and wants, what you need and want, is the only way forward.
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