06211966

I initially posted my first post in the newcomers section. They graciously referred me to this section in hopes that someone may be of better help. I don't mean to intrude, but if anyone could help me a bit it would be appreciated (I'd really like to stress the "medical" part of it all - if there's anything that sounds remotely familiar, please share). Here is my initial post in its' entirety. Thanks for listening.

Hi, I'm new here and would really appreciated any help. While you might be of the opinion "someone is drunk because they drank too much alcohol" I wouldn't be writing if I felt this is the ONLY explanation. And yes, I realize it sounds like denial on my part.

Background:

I come from a family of social drinkers and all is well for the most part. I have a sister who is now of middle age with no family of her own. She has always been a social drinker and you might call her a "seasoned" drinker. Reason I bring this up is that she now has absolutely NO tolerance for alcohol anymore.

I've spoken to her first thing in the morning, she's pretty much fine but you can detect a slight slur. Fast forward a few hours and she can be completely intoxicated before noon or into the afternoon. It is so bad half the conversation is incomprehendable. I personally have been a social drinker & have consumed alcohol consistently over several hours and have not gotten as intoxicated as her. We are close in age and close in size.

This all started happening a few years ago. Our mother passed away almost three years ago and I would say its gotten worse since then. The best way to describe her now is she's either (a) sober & almost completely devoid of personality, quiet & its obvious she does not want to socialize, seems very unhappy, (b) completely intoxicated, volatile, arguementative, rambling, cannot speak or (c) passed out completely.

Another bizarre thing - she on occasion talks (actually argues, rants, yells) with herself. It really is weird to see; somehow it just doesn't seem like typical drunken babbling. She's very angry, there's some type of conversation going through her head. Its obvious someone is "there" with her, there's been a few times where I think she sees things that just aren't there. More often than not when she does speak, everything is coming from left field, whether its accusations, questions or comments. Try as you might you cannot make any sense of it.

As well she stumbles and/or falls quite a bit now. The reason she often explains as "I'm really tired". Now might be a good time to bring up the fact that she completely denies everything. I won't go into detail, I'm sure you can imagine, EVERYTHING is denied or explained away with completely lame excuse, ie. "I was just kidding", "you really like to embelish things, you always have" etc. etc.

It is my opinion that there are 2 issues maybe going on. Of course there is the excessive consumption of alcohol but there's just something niggling at me that there's something physically with her that has this alcohol affecting her different. Its like she can't handle ANY alcohol; as soon as she starts drinking, very quickly she is intoxicated. ALWAYS.

She has recently developed an unfounded fear of going to a doctor (a dentist) as well. She'll say "I know, I know, I've got to go" but she won't. I can't help but wonder if some type of physical or testing will pick up on a reason why her body isn't processing alcohol like it used to.

Again, am I making sense to anyone? Has anyone ever heard of a heavy drinker/alcoholic that cannot process alcohol any longer due to some type of medical condition? Liver? Pancreas?

I need to add - there was a time when we were very close, we still are to some extent except there is a good deal of resentment built up between us on both our parts. To sum it up she's pretty much always the victim and feels that I feel so much "superior" to her or something so if I try to help her I'll get "you think you're so much better than me". There was a time when I didn't have anything to do with her. It was sad to a certain degree but I didn't feel the tension & aprehension I feel all the time now. I actually felt relieved, weight lifted off my shoulders, no more turmoil. She is very difficult to be around and it seems she can't partake in a family dinner, one of my kid's birthday parties or just an ordinary get-together without being completely sloshed; there was a time when she might come & not drink but eat and go home.

Recently my father spoke to her and from what I understand, this is all my fault. My father has seen her in this condition a couple of times, other people have noticed too, but it is me who has seen her like this the most. I need to get the point across just how very intoxicated she can get. I don't understand this! Its not like a teenager who has drank the first time. She gets VERY drunk and VERY quickly.

I am 99.99% sure there are no drugs involved and yes, I've considered something like scizophrenia (hallucinating, self talking, etc.) but I am sure this is not it. During the week she doesn't drink as much & functions normally with her job & all. I just feel there's something else going on.

I apologize for my rambling. If you've made it this far, I thank you. I just really would like some advice from an outside party and any insight, suggestions you can give would be greatly appreciated. I think this is my last effort as I am getting angry and fed up and for my own sanity, I am "this close" to just walking away.

Thank you again.

Barbara52

Late stage alcoholics can indeed display all those behaviors. The cause is damage to a variety of organs from years of alcohol abuse. The brain and liver are the most obvious victims.

But regardless of the cause, you cannot make her change. Its up to her to live her life. You can't cure her, can't control her, can't change her. Only she can choose to do that.

You can encourage her to go to a doctor for a check up. You've done that. She'll either go or not.

You can learn ways to set boundaries and change your behaviors so that you are less effected by her behaviors.

Keep reading and posting. This is a great place for support and information.

Daisy30

Barb is right. My guess would be the alcoholism is why she is being effected this way.

You have come to the right place. I would say a good start is to educate yourself about the disease. It will help explain a lot

Check out the recommended reading "sticky" also a book that helped me and is a quick read is "Marriage on the Rocks" (it is written for any loved one of an A not just spouses)

keep reading keep posting many here have been where you are

isitme

I would second anything B52 said as far as making changes and setting boundaries. I recently found out about the "reverse tolerance" of late stage alcoholism. I think I have a family member going through it. Here is a short definition of what you may be seeing happening with your sister. Also a link to a SR thread about late stage alcoholism..

This place has been a tremndous help to me already. You will no doubt benefit from all of the knowlege and experience here. Keep Reading and Posting, it's sure to help.

Tolerance: As people drink, their tolerance for alcohol may increase. They might seem to be able to "handle" alcohol better and need more to achieve the same effect as before. The liver does not become more tolerant, and is damaged over the course of time, leading to poor liver function and a noticeable decrease in tolerance, or "reverse-tolerance". A heavy drinker's reverse-tolerance is a sign of late-stage alcoholism.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ate-stage.html

06211966

"isitme" - thank you for that link. I read it all and now I'm really good & scared.

tiburon88

My guess would be serious mental illness.


tiburon

isitme

eee.. I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you. But if it's the case it's nice to know what your up against. It's hard to see the forest from the trees sometimes, but maybe a clarification can help everyone involved. I hope the best for you and your situation. :ghug

TooMuch4TooLong

Thanks for posting the link, isitme and welcome to SR 062. Barb is right, you can't control her and you can't cure her. Until I read these two threads I don't think I fully comprehended that my husband was not just an alcoholic, but a late stage alcoholic. I thought the muttering and the random humming where just something he did to annoy me. Looking back it makes more sense. After reading this a lot of things make more sense. 062 I don't have any advice or answers for you. I am sorry you are going through this but I am very glad you opened up here.

06211966

isitme - while it might be scary, maybe its scary in a "good" way. I've been trying to research "reverse-tolerance" and maybe I'm just looking for an explanation, ANY explanation, this is the only thing that is making sense.

I've also stumbled across "wet brain" in my research. I don't think I see the "lazy eye(s)" symptom with her...............gawd, I hope its not this.

I've managed to get a verbal commitment from her to go see a doctor for a complete physical.