KELS1961

I keep hearing about alnon on here. I am thinking of going. Just maybe still not sure. If I went do they make you stand up and talk and tell them why you are there ect. Also do they pick you out and ask you a question in front of a bunch of people. I cannot do that hate doing that I ger nervous shakey in large groups so I was just wondering. What do you do in alnon?
I was just curious and wanting to know in case I do decide to go.
It probley sounds like a silly question buy for me speaking in large groups is just not for me.
Thanks
Kelli...

Bernadette

hey Kelli-
No, they don't "make" you do anything at AlAnon.
You do not have to speak at all.
You can sit and listen.
There is no cross talk at meetings - people simply share what's going on with them...they don't offer YOU specific advice or anything - they share their ES&H (experience, strength & hope) and as someone seeking guidance and help you can take what you can use and leave the rest.

There are usually some really good books/literature that you can buy or jot down the titles and find at the library.

I went to a bunch of meetings over a few weeks before I settled on 2 that had the right "feel" for me. I was so tired of the pain and I just went in there and kept my mouth shut and followed directions!! I could see that the program worked for so many of the people there. I became more comfortable with these strangers whose lives actually had so much in common with mine, strangers just there to find a helping hand and to offer a helping hand. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to share at meetings.

If they go around and do introductions you can just say your first name and that you're a newbie still in the "listening" stage!

Good Luck-
B.

Astro

Hi Kelli,

Please check out a few Al-Anon meetings and see how comfortable you feel. Nope, nobody will force you to speak, Bernadette described the setting very well. Just introduce yourself so the group can get to know you!

After two years in AA I started attending Al-Anon meetings, and while I've now found a home in CoDA, I still remember how welcomed I felt at those meetings and how peaceful it made me feel to be there.

Best wishes to you, let us know how your first meeting goes!

Learning how

Kelli the posts above sum it up very well. I found that little room was the only place I had ever been were people understood me and I felt safe. This in a group of people I had never met before. They laughed and smiled. They had some peace. They were living or had lived with many of the same situations I was dealing with. When I got there I didn't laugh or smile, I was trying to stay alive! no time to laugh.

Try different meetings if there are more than one in your area. They all have a little different feel. Just go and listen.
Take care

LucyA

I've been mulling over the same questions myself for a long time. I've been a bit unsure about going to alanon for ages, but I've decided that as soon as I can I'm going to go to a meeting. It's going to be tricky for me because the nearest one I can find is almost an hour away, I work odd shifts where I don't always get the same days off and I have to be back for the kids.
Hopefully I'll manage to get to one next week, maybe we'll both come back and tell everyone we wondered why we worried about going in the first place

MsPINKAcres

Hi Kelli

You have been given some excellent descriptions of Al-Anon meetings. When a newcomer attends our meetings, we extend a welcome to them, introduce ourselves and ask if they would be interested in receiving a newcomer packet. We also include our telephone list and encourage them to call someone on the list if they have questions they would prefer to ask one on one rather than at a meeting.

The newcomer pkg has lots of our brochures on the Al-Anon program and principles - Detachment, What is Al-Anon, What happens after treatment, 12 Steps & Traditions, Are you affected by someone's drinking?, etc.

These are great for you to read over and then you may feel a little more comfortable as you keep attending meetings.

We suggest to the newcomer to try to attend our meeting and/or any other meeting at least 6 times before deciding if the program is for you or not - This is usually a good amount of meetings to let you get the feel of the meeting and a little understanding so that you feel comfortable.

Best Wishes with it - remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to do - you can simply say I'm here to listen.

HUGS,
Rita

denny57

I've been attending meetings for 3 years and most of the time I sit and listen.

((( )))

Rella927

A lot of great answers up above!

I myself sit and listen a lot too! I absorb a lot more
when I do that....

I started to speak when I was ready and somedays I have days I just want
to listen-

Give a try and then come back and fill us on on what you did at an Al-Anon meeting!