:(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
:(
So I can hear it in my Mom's voice when she's had merely ONE drink.
Tonight was my first football game as a marcher and I went out with some friends to Sonic afterwards!! I told my Mom we were going to Applebees, because that was the original plan. I didn't call and update her and she was mad... but her anger is also increased due to drinking which I could automatically tell after one word.
I got home, apologized and then got onto her about drinking, because she is supposed to be quitting.
I know I was in the wrong, I should have called. I know that if something were to have happened she wouldn't know where I was. I know I screwed up. She won't remember tomorrow though which irritates me.
I know she can't just STOP, but I also know that I am the only person in my family who really wants her to stop excluding my seven year old who is just beginning to take notice. She told my stepdad she was quitting and he was in a pissy mood for a week. He did NOT support her at all, knowing that she is an alcoholic. To me, his response should have been "I won't either so it's easier on you." Her excuses for drinking are stupid too and when I get mad about it she always has an answer. UGH! idon'tknowwhati'msupposedtodo.
And now, tonight she said:
"I take it back, I'm not quitting and the rule is you won't say anything." My bestfriend is hurting herself and her children. She can't drink without mouthing off and the sad part is the next morning when you're awaiting an apology she doesn't even remember.
i'm stuck.
Tonight was my first football game as a marcher and I went out with some friends to Sonic afterwards!! I told my Mom we were going to Applebees, because that was the original plan. I didn't call and update her and she was mad... but her anger is also increased due to drinking which I could automatically tell after one word.
I got home, apologized and then got onto her about drinking, because she is supposed to be quitting.
I know I was in the wrong, I should have called. I know that if something were to have happened she wouldn't know where I was. I know I screwed up. She won't remember tomorrow though which irritates me.
I know she can't just STOP, but I also know that I am the only person in my family who really wants her to stop excluding my seven year old who is just beginning to take notice. She told my stepdad she was quitting and he was in a pissy mood for a week. He did NOT support her at all, knowing that she is an alcoholic. To me, his response should have been "I won't either so it's easier on you." Her excuses for drinking are stupid too and when I get mad about it she always has an answer. UGH! idon'tknowwhati'msupposedtodo.
And now, tonight she said:
"I take it back, I'm not quitting and the rule is you won't say anything." My bestfriend is hurting herself and her children. She can't drink without mouthing off and the sad part is the next morning when you're awaiting an apology she doesn't even remember.
i'm stuck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
It's so sad to find that some kids end up essentially raising themselves because they have alcoholic parents. Some of my best friends have grown up with tragic childhoods and used their past to push themselves into very successful, independent lives. Others, it seems, accept the victim role and struggle for the rest of their lives.
Friends of mine who have intentionally become very independent did so, because they took charge of their destinies. They call the shots and they wanted it that way. They have found their peace and happiness. The others who followed down the path of poor decisions wound up victims for years. And victims seem to have a tendency to attract abusers, so the circle never ends.
I hope that you find the strength to focus on you and your future and not to focus on your mother's drinking. It will rob you of the ability to make good decisions if you let it. Use your anger in the situation to motivate you forward. Get good grades, start looking at colleges somewhere else so you can get away from her drinking, pick a degree that will have you doing what you want to do. Look for ways to pay for your college if your folks aren't going to do it. Call schools and talk to their financial aid office. They will help you.
It's sad that your mother can't or won't stop drinking. Don't make that your life. She's made her decision that she thinks is best for her. Start preparing for an awesome future so you can make the best decisions that are for YOU. And don't drink. I hope you can see how alcoholics start off. Don't go down that path.
Friends of mine who have intentionally become very independent did so, because they took charge of their destinies. They call the shots and they wanted it that way. They have found their peace and happiness. The others who followed down the path of poor decisions wound up victims for years. And victims seem to have a tendency to attract abusers, so the circle never ends.
I hope that you find the strength to focus on you and your future and not to focus on your mother's drinking. It will rob you of the ability to make good decisions if you let it. Use your anger in the situation to motivate you forward. Get good grades, start looking at colleges somewhere else so you can get away from her drinking, pick a degree that will have you doing what you want to do. Look for ways to pay for your college if your folks aren't going to do it. Call schools and talk to their financial aid office. They will help you.
It's sad that your mother can't or won't stop drinking. Don't make that your life. She's made her decision that she thinks is best for her. Start preparing for an awesome future so you can make the best decisions that are for YOU. And don't drink. I hope you can see how alcoholics start off. Don't go down that path.
Also talk with a school guidance counselor. You need not carry this alone. You should not carry this as your secret that you feel any shame about. Sunshine is a great disinfectant. You have every right to talk to someone about this situation. The last thing an alcoholic needs is protection.
I wish you much strength. Take care of yourself and your little brother by bringing this out into the open. It may get very rough at first, but once it is out, there will be no putting back into secrecy. You find all sorts of support coming your way. Get help.
I wish you much strength. Take care of yourself and your little brother by bringing this out into the open. It may get very rough at first, but once it is out, there will be no putting back into secrecy. You find all sorts of support coming your way. Get help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 65
Definitely speak to someone about it. Join Alateen if you can. It sounds corny but "a burden shared is a burden halved". Living with anyonne in your family who abuses alcohol is really tough and speaking to people who understand can be enormously helpful, even if plucking up the courage to have the initial conversation is difficult.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 9
My children are going through this right now with there AF, someone else suggested alateen. I would go if I were you. Also if you are not comfortable going to the school counselor. There are many hotlines available where you can just call and talk. Good luck and remeber this is your life and you want it to be happy.
Williamsditto, welcome to SR.
Have a read of the stickies at the top of the forum. Remember that you didn't cause this, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. You must take care of yourself. Reach out to your school, caring adults within your family, contact CPS.
It is not wrong to reach out to these people for help for you! Your mum may well have you believing that if you speak of it, you are betraying her. The opposite is true. Your mum needs help. So do you. However, your mum's problems are not yours, they are hers, and you have every right to ensure that your life is not hampered or suffering because of a problem that she needs to take care of.
Do not hold secrets regarding this, it is nothing to be ashamed about.
Try to get to an Ala-teen, al anon meeting where you will find extra support about how to deal with alcoholism in a healthy way. Keep reading here and posting for support.
My heart goes out to you,
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Have a read of the stickies at the top of the forum. Remember that you didn't cause this, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. You must take care of yourself. Reach out to your school, caring adults within your family, contact CPS.
It is not wrong to reach out to these people for help for you! Your mum may well have you believing that if you speak of it, you are betraying her. The opposite is true. Your mum needs help. So do you. However, your mum's problems are not yours, they are hers, and you have every right to ensure that your life is not hampered or suffering because of a problem that she needs to take care of.
Do not hold secrets regarding this, it is nothing to be ashamed about.
Try to get to an Ala-teen, al anon meeting where you will find extra support about how to deal with alcoholism in a healthy way. Keep reading here and posting for support.
My heart goes out to you,
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR WilliamsDitto-
Glad to see that you are reaching out here for support-There is a lot of it here
so please stick around!
My heart goes out to you as I was where you are when I was younger-with 6 brothers
and 2 sisters. We had to basically raise ourselves and protect each other-
Today you are lucky as I have said this before in other threads we did not have the sources that there is today. Please look into going to an Alateen meeting and keep posting here with anything you need to get off your chest. Keeping it in is not healthy and we are here 24 hours a day!
Keep your eye out on that little brother of yours and look into that meeting-
Thinking of you and sending you strength
Glad to see that you are reaching out here for support-There is a lot of it here
so please stick around!
My heart goes out to you as I was where you are when I was younger-with 6 brothers
and 2 sisters. We had to basically raise ourselves and protect each other-
Today you are lucky as I have said this before in other threads we did not have the sources that there is today. Please look into going to an Alateen meeting and keep posting here with anything you need to get off your chest. Keeping it in is not healthy and we are here 24 hours a day!
Keep your eye out on that little brother of yours and look into that meeting-
Thinking of you and sending you strength
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