Just Another Vent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OKLAHOMA CITY OKLA
Posts: 43
Just Another Vent
First I want to thank all of you for your input and understanding.
I have no one else to talk to about my feelings.
The two years I was with Tom we had no friends.
I keep on feeling like he does not have long to live,
It is a feeling I get where it is coming from I do not know.
I have not talked to him in several days or went and checked on him.
I just need to stau away for a while.
Not long ago he was drunk and said he was going to see his dad well his dad has been gone many years. My uncle was only 43 and he drank himself to death the day before he had went to the cemetry to see my grandfathers grave no one knows why but the next day he was found dead from acholic poisioing. I feel so helpless I hurt. What I want is my old sober Tom back but of course that will not happen. How can a person go 3 months without drinking then go ona 2 month binge. I had him arrested 3 times I would notpick him upwhen he was released he walkedin the heat thinking back I should have gave him a ride but I toldhimand told him this was the last time and I meant it. Before I would run and pick him up take him back not this time.
Also why does a alcholic want to cuss you call you names threaten you when you are the one who loves them. When he was on this last binge he was smoking I have new furniture he dropped his ciggerate on my chair.
I got up and was screaming at him and got the ciggarette out and I was so mad I grabbed him by his tee shirt and threw him out ofthe chair I was shaking with anger. I said how dare you disrespect my things. I ampaying on mu furinture I did not know I was so strong and then I kicked him I am not proud but I just lost it. He owes fines to the courts forhispublic drunks I kept calling the police everytime he came drunk banging on my door. I was scared. He has never hit me but I was scared. Now I am scared for his health nights are the hardest I seem to think ofthe good times but I will never forget the cruel way he talked to me either.
Sometimes I think if he passes away he will be set free from whatever is going on inside him. I pray and pray I feel drained I have no intrest in another man at all of course it is to soon.I need to find out why I always always pick the same kind of men. I love tom and always will but he is like posion around me. I cannot stop worring about him.
What is wrong with me.
Kelli...
I have no one else to talk to about my feelings.
The two years I was with Tom we had no friends.
I keep on feeling like he does not have long to live,
It is a feeling I get where it is coming from I do not know.
I have not talked to him in several days or went and checked on him.
I just need to stau away for a while.
Not long ago he was drunk and said he was going to see his dad well his dad has been gone many years. My uncle was only 43 and he drank himself to death the day before he had went to the cemetry to see my grandfathers grave no one knows why but the next day he was found dead from acholic poisioing. I feel so helpless I hurt. What I want is my old sober Tom back but of course that will not happen. How can a person go 3 months without drinking then go ona 2 month binge. I had him arrested 3 times I would notpick him upwhen he was released he walkedin the heat thinking back I should have gave him a ride but I toldhimand told him this was the last time and I meant it. Before I would run and pick him up take him back not this time.
Also why does a alcholic want to cuss you call you names threaten you when you are the one who loves them. When he was on this last binge he was smoking I have new furniture he dropped his ciggerate on my chair.
I got up and was screaming at him and got the ciggarette out and I was so mad I grabbed him by his tee shirt and threw him out ofthe chair I was shaking with anger. I said how dare you disrespect my things. I ampaying on mu furinture I did not know I was so strong and then I kicked him I am not proud but I just lost it. He owes fines to the courts forhispublic drunks I kept calling the police everytime he came drunk banging on my door. I was scared. He has never hit me but I was scared. Now I am scared for his health nights are the hardest I seem to think ofthe good times but I will never forget the cruel way he talked to me either.
Sometimes I think if he passes away he will be set free from whatever is going on inside him. I pray and pray I feel drained I have no intrest in another man at all of course it is to soon.I need to find out why I always always pick the same kind of men. I love tom and always will but he is like posion around me. I cannot stop worring about him.
What is wrong with me.
Kelli...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 83
The end-stage alcoholic...
Ma'am,
I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of what you have just described. It sounds like your husband (I assume that's who he is?) is in mid to end stage alcoholism. Some of the questions that you posed, which I suspect were rhetorical, but still deserve an answer...
There are alcoholics who have more than two decades sober, and for one reason or another decide to pick up a drink again. Not only do they go back to their original way of drinking almost immediately, but often times the alcoholic will feel like he has 'lost time' to make up for, or that because he was sober for X number of months or years that he has somehow earned the right to go out on a bender for Y number of months or years. And in the back of his mind is the knowledge that if he were to stop, he would be starting right back at the beginning again, with zero days of sobriety, which for any alcoholic is painful business, and for someone facing that consequence, the alternative, taking another drink (or ten) is the far easier softer way.
Alcohol is a depressant so when consumed in large quantities it makes you feel down. Your husband is probably consumed by self-loathing right now, as well as a substantial dose of fear (after all, he knows that he is drinking himself into a grave). He probably does not know why this is happening to him, or what he did to deserve to meet such a sad and hopeless ending. And in all likelihood he probably suspects (maybe somewhat correctly) that you are not able to empathize with the pain and desperation that he is in, hence the nasty names and abusive language.
Although you have probably heard this before, if he is unable or unwilling (or both) to quit drinking, then you must distance yourself from his personal situation as much as possible. Misery loves company, and for someone in his situation, he probably would like a partner in his long journey downhill. I am sorry though that you are still having to go through this, and hope that any advice I gave and what else you pick up on this site can help you through this painful time.
I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of what you have just described. It sounds like your husband (I assume that's who he is?) is in mid to end stage alcoholism. Some of the questions that you posed, which I suspect were rhetorical, but still deserve an answer...
There are alcoholics who have more than two decades sober, and for one reason or another decide to pick up a drink again. Not only do they go back to their original way of drinking almost immediately, but often times the alcoholic will feel like he has 'lost time' to make up for, or that because he was sober for X number of months or years that he has somehow earned the right to go out on a bender for Y number of months or years. And in the back of his mind is the knowledge that if he were to stop, he would be starting right back at the beginning again, with zero days of sobriety, which for any alcoholic is painful business, and for someone facing that consequence, the alternative, taking another drink (or ten) is the far easier softer way.
Alcohol is a depressant so when consumed in large quantities it makes you feel down. Your husband is probably consumed by self-loathing right now, as well as a substantial dose of fear (after all, he knows that he is drinking himself into a grave). He probably does not know why this is happening to him, or what he did to deserve to meet such a sad and hopeless ending. And in all likelihood he probably suspects (maybe somewhat correctly) that you are not able to empathize with the pain and desperation that he is in, hence the nasty names and abusive language.
Although you have probably heard this before, if he is unable or unwilling (or both) to quit drinking, then you must distance yourself from his personal situation as much as possible. Misery loves company, and for someone in his situation, he probably would like a partner in his long journey downhill. I am sorry though that you are still having to go through this, and hope that any advice I gave and what else you pick up on this site can help you through this painful time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
So sorry to hear about your situation. Alcoholism is indeed a baffling, powerful and deadly affliction.
We must remember, alcoholics are not just people that drink too much ... they are people with an irrational obsession with alcohol that gradually begins to damage everything in their lives and hurt the people they care the most about ... and they still cannot stop drinking. There will be never ending blaming, denial, broken promises and mood swings ... all part of the addiction. In time, long term alcoholics minds and bodies become severely damaged by the constant onslaught of alcohol that further contributes to the bizarre and irrational behaviors. One of the most important things I have learned over the last few years, is not to expect logical and reasonable behaviors or to try to rationalize the conduct of an active alcoholic ... it is a waste of time. Their thought processes have been transformed by their obsessive need to drink ... and that becomes the primary focus in their lives ... and despite what they may tell us, everything else - their families, their jobs, their health ... will come in a distant second.
We simply must not expect active alcoholics to behave in logical and reasonable ways .... and even when they stop drinking, most will take many months of healing and an entirely different approach to their lives in order to return to the people they were before alcohol took over their lives. The alcoholic is ultimately the only one that can make the decision to stop drinking and to change their life ... it is a powerful addiction that will require an intense and sincere long term effort to overcome. Tragically, there are far too many that will never recover ... it will gradually steal away their mind and body and they will end up losing everything .. including their lives to this addiction, my husband being one of them. It just took me a long time to realize how powerless I was to stop it.
We must remember, alcoholics are not just people that drink too much ... they are people with an irrational obsession with alcohol that gradually begins to damage everything in their lives and hurt the people they care the most about ... and they still cannot stop drinking. There will be never ending blaming, denial, broken promises and mood swings ... all part of the addiction. In time, long term alcoholics minds and bodies become severely damaged by the constant onslaught of alcohol that further contributes to the bizarre and irrational behaviors. One of the most important things I have learned over the last few years, is not to expect logical and reasonable behaviors or to try to rationalize the conduct of an active alcoholic ... it is a waste of time. Their thought processes have been transformed by their obsessive need to drink ... and that becomes the primary focus in their lives ... and despite what they may tell us, everything else - their families, their jobs, their health ... will come in a distant second.
We simply must not expect active alcoholics to behave in logical and reasonable ways .... and even when they stop drinking, most will take many months of healing and an entirely different approach to their lives in order to return to the people they were before alcohol took over their lives. The alcoholic is ultimately the only one that can make the decision to stop drinking and to change their life ... it is a powerful addiction that will require an intense and sincere long term effort to overcome. Tragically, there are far too many that will never recover ... it will gradually steal away their mind and body and they will end up losing everything .. including their lives to this addiction, my husband being one of them. It just took me a long time to realize how powerless I was to stop it.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Your post made me feel sad today. I feel for you as I know today my emotions have come back after months of being free from it. It was my nephews 17th birthday and he had arranged to go out for tea with his mum. My AS had picked him up after drinking, went to the restaurant, drank more and actually offered him alcohol. I have always told him never to get in the car with her as I feared but he did. My nephew had been trying to call me that night to pick him up but I wasnt home.
All day I was thinking - how could she do that to her only son, shes mad! Putting him in that position.
See, they have no logic or reality when the bottle is their best friend. Usually I would of called her and told her off, but I thought why bother, its not going to make any difference. Sometimes we have to let go.
All day I was thinking - how could she do that to her only son, shes mad! Putting him in that position.
See, they have no logic or reality when the bottle is their best friend. Usually I would of called her and told her off, but I thought why bother, its not going to make any difference. Sometimes we have to let go.
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