Give me the serenity
 

To not drive over to my ex ah house and punch his &*!$* face in! Today was our son's first day of school and he had to go from his dad's house. Needless to say his dad drove him nuts (anything out of the ordinary is enough to send my ex into a panic). Then tonight he calls as usual and is drunk and tells our son 10 times to go to bed early blah blah blah (because I am a incompetent mother you know). Our son is a good sport about it though and does not talk back or smart off just rolls his eyes and humors his dad until he can get him off the phone. Then he starts interrogating him about the bathroom light I installed yesterday! I hear my son saying "she installed it by herself" and looking at me shrugging (cause you all know I am hiding a man in my bedroom, haha). Then my son hands me the phone (I guess it is my turn to be annoyed by a drunk) and I say "Hello" he starts right away with "Can't you say it any nicer than that?" "Can't you talk like a normal person". I think "scr*w this" and hang up, of course he alternates calling my cell and my son's for 10 min (we don't answer). My son decides to answer his phone and gets to listen to 10 min of drunken rambling about his father's "rights" to call quack quack quack. So now my son is upset because his father is a drunken ass and says to me "maybe he wouldn't do this if you would be nice to him" (he knows that it would not matter but I know it's hard to accept that his dad is really like this) arrrggghhhh

Give me strength

Yup.....been there and done that....it gets old doesn't it...

It's harsh that you and your son have to listen to this ramble. I would encourage your son to end conversations with his dad asap if he is drunk, simply ''I've got some stuff to do, speak to you later'' or something, does he go to ala-teen or some other support? I just feel bad for him that he is spending so much time on the phone pacifying this drunken father.

My heart goes out to you both, :Val004: I hope you both find a way to deal with this that allows you both to keep you serenity,

Blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's getting really old, I left a VM for him this am (of course he won't answer when he is sober, coward) telling him that his drunken calls are nonsense and serve no purpose other than upsetting our son and that they will stop or he will get an order from the court.

Sure, he has the 'right' to call. And you and your son have the 'right' to not answer the phone. :)

L

Sending you all the strenght you need girl~~sounds like you have everything under control..This has to be hard with your son witnessing everything with his dad... congrats on getting the bathroom light in too~~Smiles, Bonnie

Me and my AB are still together. But I know what you mean about them going on and on. My AB does that with our 3 year old he'll say I love you so much 50 times in a row, no lie. And he talking in that drunk voice I can't take it. It's like just shut up, I don't say that because it will start an arguement.
Good luck to you and your son.

I can relate too. My exabf would torment the hell out of my daughter, tickeling, asking questions over and over, disturbing her when she would be reading or playing. At first she would be enjoying the fun and distraction, but after a little she would want to stop and he would get short with her saying that she needed to drop her attitude etc.

I had many a conversation with her about how to handle him, and told him that if she said stop, he should respect that and leave her alone, she has that right. He would never remember though when drunk. In the end I begun telling him to leave her alone. That never went down well with him. I was being an uptight mum, causing a rift between them etc. However I knew I had to step in on behalf of my daughter as she was getting increasingly upset, and he would not listen to her.

In the end I cared more for my daughter's piece of mind than I did about how muh aggrevation, verbal abuse or whatever I would get from him. Heck, I was getting that anyway!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry that you are going through this :hug:

I love this statement from L
I wish I had learned that at a young age when my A father called, my A brother called and my XABF! But I know now and that is what is important!

Talk with your son and yes maybe get him to counseling or to Aateen meetings-In the end it will be beneficial to all-

I know growing up I was put in a very bad position with the parents divorce and it was 4 adult children driving all us kids NUTS! We did what we needed to do or say just to keep peace and today I'm recovering from living that life. IMHO I do not wish that on any child-The more they understand from counseling, meetings etc... the easier their life will be and yours! It will teach to throw the consequences of your x's behavior back on to him as you or your son should not pay for it.

Keep us posted and remember you and your son are what is important! :hug:

My son knows that he does not have to answer the phone and tries to keep the daily call to 5 min or less. We have shut all the phones in the house off many times for an hour or two so the A gets the message. I called my ex last night on the drive home and made it clear that:

1. His interpretation of his "rights" is a figment of his imagination, there is nothing in our parenting plan that allows him unrestricted phone access to our son. If we are busy doing something we DO NOT have to answer his calls.

2. His constant interrogation of my whereabouts and activities is inappropriate and is bordering on harassment. Harassing me serves no purpose (because I don't give a rats ass what he thinks anyway) and upsets our son.

3.His constant "fussing" over what time our son goes to bed or what he had for dinner etc is not appropriate, our son is 14, not 5 and has NEVER been neglected or in trouble.

4. His entire daily phone call consists of "where is your mother?" "I love you" "what is she doing?" "I love you" "what did you have for dinner?" "I love you" "when did you go to bed last night?" "make sure you go to bed early" "I love you" ad nauseum and that if he does not stop I will file a complaint about all of the above and he will be subject to drug and alcohol testing and will have to attend parenting class to get his overnight visitation back BECAUSE I AM SICK OF HAVING THIS CONVERSATION WITH HIM, THIS IS HIS LAST CHANCE.



When he called 2 hours later at 8 pm, he was on perfect behaviour, it better last because I am done!

This is exactly the sort of nonsense that ended our marriage, when I refused to listen to him he started trying to make our son be his "audience".

(((hadenough)))

I just wanted to say it gives me the warm fuzzies when I read about a parent protecting their child(ren) from the madness of alcoholism. You are a shining example of recovery.

L

I am just amazed at how there are so many similarites in alcoholism. My AH does/did the same thing.

Good for you and your son for stopping the madness from leeching into your home.

We went through all that annoying stuff too. It drove me and the kids crazy. He didn't call though. In fact, if he was drinking, he didn't answer his cell phone at all and didn't make any calls either. Guess he thought if he didn't answer we wouldn't know he was drinking and drunk! DUH! Instead of the phone calls, it would be him coming home and annoying the crap out of us by trying to act cool to the kids, tickling and wrestling even when they didn't want to, all of a sudden being interested in their lives and slurring and interrupting every time they tried to tell him, repeating the same questions or stupid things all the time and for me, he thought it was funny to poke at me. Just poke his finger at me and that was supposed to be affectionate!! Then when we didn't appreciate his "attention" it was woe is me and you guys always pick on me and don't appreciate me.

I could've written this word for word! That describes the exact behaviour from my exabf. He lived with us, so whenever he was in the house we had this. As I say though since he moved out, I told him not to call when he was drinking and we hardly hear from him. At least I can say he is respecting my boundary!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ditto Lilly and Kemarus. Same thing happened to me!!