Reddmax

Outside of the normal drama that you've all heard me speak about, the holiday weekend was interesting for another reason. The AW actually helped me in improving the house. Usually she just goofs on the computer and drinks herself blotto every night, but over the last 4 days she actually did something.

I have suspicions about her motives, but you know how that goes. I've got to detach and let things work out as they may. (even if its nerve wracking and causes really intense nightmares).

The only fly in the ointment is that I injured myself pretty throughly while working, and will take a few days to recover. (I hate having back arthritis).

Pray for me all..

Redd.

respektingme

Who cares about her motives at this point. If she had a hammer in her hand, that meant she didn't have a bottle in her hand. That's in itself is an improvement.

You always sound so beat up after every weekend. It's like reading the results of a prize fight after each weekend. Glad your holiday wasn't too terrible.

Reddmax

It isn't a prizefight. It's a abuse fest. I feel like hammered crap after the weekend because its just a black comedy of "what's going to happen next". What also makes it interesting is that sometimes, even with hammer in hand, there is also a wineglass in the other.

Redd

respektingme

If it's an abuse fest every weekend, what are you getting out of it? Is she extremely nice when she's not drinking, so that sort of offsets the abuse? Are you afraid of being alone? Perception seems to be a big player here. If my AH was drunk and had a hammer in his hand, I would do something other than wait for him to hurt me. For some reason, you don't seem to be protecting yourself. Odd that you seem to fear her, yet you don't protect yourself. If I were around her, and felt helpless to protect myself, I'd be fearful too. But you have the power to protect yourself. Wondering why you don't know this or realize it?

Reddmax

Mainly because I'm getting two different messages. When sober, its I don't want to ruin this. When drunk, I hate you, I hate my life, etc. Furthermore, the more we do to the house, the smaller the loss will be when we sell it....

That, I'm a coward.

Redd

respektingme

You're a kind man Redd, with tons of patience. I hope you find your road of peace and happiness.

LaTeeDa

As long as you listen to the words of an active alcoholic, you will get mixed messages. Pay attention to the actions, not the words, and it will be much less confusing.

L

LucyA

But how big will your personal losses be? You self confidence, self respect, self esteem, and your own self.
You really should start to look out for you and become more self-ish.
I still get 'mixed messages' from my A brother, but he's the one mixing them up.
In my experience, which granted isn't much compared to some here, the alcoholic in your life will always be much more selfish than you and get exactly what they want.

BBD

Hey Redd~~ It seems like you have been coming here for weeks and nothing is changing in your life. Are you going to alanon regularly?? Are you getting counciling ??? I know you love your wife but if nothing changes~~nothing changes. It sounds like its time for you to do some changing and not be afraid of what she will do. I feel so badly for you but this stress is going to get worse if somehow you don't take a stand. Are you afraid of being alone?? Whats stopping you from getting some help here. Is there family around?? I do wish you the best with all of this but I am worried that you may be the one that does get hurt (physically)) without protecting yourself..Hugs, Bonnie