dolphingal1971

Well to get right to the point, my alcoholic fiancee was arrested AGAIN tonight for DUI. This I believe makes his 4th one in Alabama. Here is the story. We were having a labor day get together at his parents house. I thought he wasnt drinking and he was even laughing with me (this after last night he told me I should leave, that he is no good, basically, ALOT of major quacking). Well, a little while later his whole personality changed. He wanted to go home and told his niece to go get me. Well, I come outside and then he tells me he doesnt want me to take him home, he wants his niece to. Also, I fixed him some food, and then he said he didn't want it. Well, then he proceeds to come in the house to tell me drunkenly that he wants me gone, out of his home. blah blah blah. Well, he leaves with his PREGNANT niece driving him home. Did he get home safely and we all get to spend a nice quiet night without him? NO! He then has his niece bring him back and then he wanted to drive, she said she was NOT going to ride with him. She got out and he took off with everyone yelling for him to wait and someone will take him home. Well, a little while later, about 3 hrs later, we get a call from him. He is in the county jail, he completely totaled MY car. (He conveniently took off in my car), he refused the breathalizer and has to stay a mandatory 24 hrs. Noone else was hurt and he said he hurt his back and chest. He called me crying, saying how sorry he was. I said, "Yea, you are sorry AFTER the fact. I said, I don't want to hear it. I told him, "YOU want me to come and get you after you told me to LEAVE?" Well, he also sprained my wrist on Saturday night. He got verbally abusive and held me down on the bed where my wrist got sprained and I have numerous bruises where he poked, shoved, and pushed me. I had just spoken to him on the phone right after he left and asked him was he at home or was he driving. His exact reply was, "Dont you worry about it, I'm not at home!" I reminded him he needed to think about what he was doing, that he was driving, it was a holiday, and he had been drinking. His sister said she thought he was drinking whiskey which makes him very mean. He got a DUI in 2006 and after almost 2 yrs and $10,000 to a lawyer and numerous amount of money spent on court visits, he got off SCOTT FREE! The attorney even told him, don't get another one because the laws have gotten stricter and it could really do you in if you got a 4th. He is already on probation in another state from last yr in which he did 4months in county jail for DUI. And he is also paying a hefty fine there. The county that he got the DUI in, he also has an unpaid ticket for driving with revoked license from a year ago. I am beside myself. I'm not even mad because this has been coming. He told me how sorry he was, he was crying, and said, I'm sorry, I totaled your car! I said it was too late for I'm sorry. I hung up on him. I mean, the way he has verbally and now physically abused me, as well as mental. Now this. I'm kinda in a way relieved he got this, I hate to say this, but a part of me does want him to go to jail. I told him he brought this upon himself, noone else but him. Am I wrong or bad to feel this way? His sister said she is NOT going to bail him out. His bail or bond (i forget which it is, the 10% amount you have to pay to get someone out of the pokey) is $150. His dad said he wasnt getting him out. I'm not either. He gets his paycheck on thurs and I told his sister, he may just have to wait to get out on thursday from his OWN money. I mean, when does this madness stop. I'm deeply hurt because now I know he doesnt respect me at all. That was MY car to go to work and back. Not his truck. Well, its actually MY truck. I am having to drive my son's car to work, 100 miles altogether, and I hope it makes it. Does anyone know what happens after this many DUI's and driving with revoked? Also, what can happen to me? I didnt even know he had took off in my car because I was in the house taking care of his grandmother. We didnt call the police because we thought he went straight home. Will my insurance pay? I don't know what to do.:wtf2

Impurrfect

First of all, I would make sure that if you bond him out with his money, that you're name is not on the paperwork at all. Whoever makes the bond is responsible for him going back to court when he does...if he doesn't that person is responsible for the entire bond.

Second of all, I would NOT let him around me when he got out. There is no excuse for verbal/physical abuse, and it will only get worse.

Call your insurance company, tell them he took your car WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION but you did not realize it, as you were at a family function. This will probably get him in more trouble, but you need to cover yourself, right now. If they even think that you allowed him to drive your car while drunk, they may not pay.

I don't know about Alabama, but I think in GA, he would have to do an automatic 5 years for this many DUI's.

He needs to face some hard consequences, he brought them all on himself, and I hope you can now move on, in your life, without him. You deserve so much better than to be dragged down in his alcoholism.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

respektingme

You need to call your insurance company. Do you have collision and liability coverage? You need to find out what will be covered. Does your fiancee have insurance? If so, perhaps his insurance would cover it. You need to be making calls to find this stuff out.

But most of all, THANK GOD you are married to him. I can't imagine the $$$ he's going to rack up this time and who would want to be tied to that. I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by letting him stay in jail. Everybody is and I hope everybody can stick to their guns. This is a great opportunity for him to experience consequences for his own actions. But it won't be if someone gets him out. I don't even know if I'd answer the phone if I were you. Let him sit in jail and wonder what you're up to or what you're thinking.

And I hope you're thinking about your long term future with this guy with open eyes. If he has sprained your wrist before you're even married, there's worse to come. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Not many recover. And if your fiancee gets violent when he drinks, that means you are risking your sanity and health for a slim chance that he's going to stop drinking. And everyone in your family will have a price to pay for being related to him, including your own children. I've been married almost 16 years. My AH has been sober now for about 6 weeks. This is an absolute first. But he's been going to AA almost daily for 8 years. He's at least had recovery on his brain for that long and known he's had a problem. If you don't see that your fiancee is willing to address his problem head on with ACTION, not words, than please reconsider building a future with him. Or at least postpone the wedding. JMHO.

Mair

"I mean, when does this madness stop"

His madness wont stop, but you have a choice not to be part of it.

Mair xxx

GiveLove

What's in this relationship for you? Is this the life you always dreamed of for yourself?

TTOSBT

The Alabama dept of safety says:
DUI Convictions - Violation Penalties

First Conviction:
Imprisonment - Up to 1 year in municipal or county jail (no minimum mandatory sentence)
Fine - $500 - $2,000, plus an additional $100 fine assessed for Impaired Drivers Trust Fund (§32-5A-191.1)
Mandatory - 90-day license suspension, DUI school attendance

Second Conviction:
Imprisonment - 48 consecutive hours, up to 1 year, or not less than 20 days community service
Fine - $1,000 - $5,000, plus an additional $100 fine assessed for Impaired Drivers Trust Fund (§32-5A-191.1)
Mandatory - Not less than 48 hours consecutive imprisonment, or community service of not less than 20 days
DL Revocation - 1 year

Third Conviction Within 5 Years:
Imprisonment - 60 days in municipal or county jail, up to 1 year
Mandatory - 60-day imprisonment which cannot be probated or suspended
Fine - $2,000 - $10,000, plus an additional $100 fine assessed for Impaired Drivers Trust Fund (§32-5A-191.1)
DL Revocation - 3 years

Fourth or Subsequent Conviction Within 5 Years - Class C Felony (§32-5A-191):
Imprisonment - 1-10 years
Fine - $4,000 - $10,000
DL Revocation - 5 years

I really hope that you run now, as fast as you can.
This man is a menace to society and a danger to all those around him. I hope he gets some help but I hope that YOU take care of YOU.

crisco

Make sure that he does not do this again. Be very careful, Alabama's penal code is not friendly to habitual offenders.

rudeawakening

What do you do..? Cover your ars is what you do !!!
Distant yourself from him as far as you can and close that chapter.

G/L

LaTeeDa

I think you have been given a gift. You get to see what your life will be like if you marry this person. You can make an informed decision if this is what you want before you become financially entangled with someone who will suck the life out of you for the next 20-30-40-50 years. I hope you choose wisely.

L

Saint Francis

omg! You have been given a gift. You've been given a glimpse into what your future holds if you remain a fiance'. Most, if not all folks here and myself included, would have loved that wakeup call to stop from marrying an alcoholic. If someone asked me now, "Knowing what you know now, would you have gotten married?" Absolutlely, positively not!!!! In spite of loving AH so much, still, I would never have done this to myself for the last 10 years even with the few good times and lessons learned. Now, it's going to be so much harder to get out and the loss of myself is something that will take a long time to regain. Bless you. Please stop the bleeding now.

FormerDoormat

My hope for you is that your fiance gets the maximum penalty and is imprisoned for five years. That will give you time to work on your own recovery and figure out why you've chosen to settle for so little in a partner. Hopefully, he'll seek recovery as well. If nothing else, it gets a menace off the roads for five years.

My experience is that alcoholism is a progressive disease that gets worse over time. You think you've seen it all? Well, I'm here to tell you that you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Your future is in your hands. I, too, hope you choose wisely.

1963comet

Just wanted to let you know incase you never heard of this. Not even sure they do it in your state. Here owners of a car will be charged if they let a drunk driver drive there car. A friend of mine let her boyfriend and had a paper plate on her car for months.

Please tell them you were unaware like you said that he took it.

Just trying to help