People who want A's to stay A's
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
People who want A's to stay A's
I have heard that some family members don't want the A's to reach sobriety. Sounds really bizarre, but I think it's true.
My AH is going to visit his family (other kids and mother) this weekend and they have already started with drama. He'll be saturated with their drama while he's there. We had a good talk about how he'll respond and what answers he'll give when they press him for commitments to them or action from me. And we decided the best answer is no answer except to say that he's working hard on his sobriety and doesn't want to enter into that chaos. All their rants are disguised as attempts to solve problems, or to expose someone (usually me), or to point out who is to blame or attack. There are often tears, manipulation, guilt and badgering during these really heavy time-consuming family talks. His family is so weird in that way. When we see my family, we're doing things, we're out and about, looking for things to do, having fun. When we see his family, there's always a huge problem to solve around the kitchen table. So draining.
Anyway, he's about to leave and I hope he can work his program while he's there for his own sanity. I think he's starting to see that what he and I used to think was "family problem solving" is really just everyone's need for drama. And if he tells them he won't participate because he's valuing his sobriety, they won't have much to talk about. And for that reason, I think I am starting to understand why some people (perhaps subconsciously) don't care for A's to get sober.
Oddly enough, he chose to leave this afternoon and return tomorrow afternoon when he could have gone Fri-Mon. And I'm ready for him to go. He seems on edge and I have things to do once he's gone. Take the kids to the movies, hang out with the neighbors, etc.
My AH is going to visit his family (other kids and mother) this weekend and they have already started with drama. He'll be saturated with their drama while he's there. We had a good talk about how he'll respond and what answers he'll give when they press him for commitments to them or action from me. And we decided the best answer is no answer except to say that he's working hard on his sobriety and doesn't want to enter into that chaos. All their rants are disguised as attempts to solve problems, or to expose someone (usually me), or to point out who is to blame or attack. There are often tears, manipulation, guilt and badgering during these really heavy time-consuming family talks. His family is so weird in that way. When we see my family, we're doing things, we're out and about, looking for things to do, having fun. When we see his family, there's always a huge problem to solve around the kitchen table. So draining.
Anyway, he's about to leave and I hope he can work his program while he's there for his own sanity. I think he's starting to see that what he and I used to think was "family problem solving" is really just everyone's need for drama. And if he tells them he won't participate because he's valuing his sobriety, they won't have much to talk about. And for that reason, I think I am starting to understand why some people (perhaps subconsciously) don't care for A's to get sober.
Oddly enough, he chose to leave this afternoon and return tomorrow afternoon when he could have gone Fri-Mon. And I'm ready for him to go. He seems on edge and I have things to do once he's gone. Take the kids to the movies, hang out with the neighbors, etc.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Alcoholism is a family disease.
I was the first in a long chain of alcoholics/addicts on both sides of the family to break the cycle and get into recovery.
That has definitely brought its own challenges on board.
Everyone in the family around the alcoholic has their 'roles' to play when the alcoholic is active in his disease, and when the alcoholic gets sober, well let's just say it disrupts the dynamics!
I recently severed the ties with my parents as they had gone into toxic mode once again, getting enmeshed in my youngest AD's latest escapade that ended in her car being totaled.
I had to get off the crazy train and let them deal with each other
I was the first in a long chain of alcoholics/addicts on both sides of the family to break the cycle and get into recovery.
That has definitely brought its own challenges on board.
Everyone in the family around the alcoholic has their 'roles' to play when the alcoholic is active in his disease, and when the alcoholic gets sober, well let's just say it disrupts the dynamics!
I recently severed the ties with my parents as they had gone into toxic mode once again, getting enmeshed in my youngest AD's latest escapade that ended in her car being totaled.
I had to get off the crazy train and let them deal with each other
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
