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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Gulfport, MS
Posts: 13
New here
Hello all,
I'm new. I left my alcoholic bf of almost 4 years. So miserable it was. Such a waste of time. Like walking around with a dark rain cloud hovering above my being. I lost a sense of myself. I stopped talking and socializing with lifelong friends. Financial troubles. Of goodness, such a waste! I tried to further my education. I am a nurse now. That program was hard but it was even more difficult when with an alcoholic. All the pain and sorrow i've endured. I came to the realization a couple of days ago that i can not change him, i can not help him. He has to want change and help. And I can't do any of that. I tell him all the time, that only an alcoholic can tell you how to stop drinking and live sober, not me! He kept me for so long with the freaking pity parties, guilt, manipulations!
He claims that everything he does he is doing for "us." Oh yeah?? How so?? I can count on one hand how many months out of 4 years he has a kept a job. There are many many months that i paid rent, two cars, insurance, cable, phone, electricity and food all by MYSELF with absolutely NO help!! And when he did work, how many times has he squandered away plenty of money at the casino all under a drunken bliss?? So who had to come to the bill rescue?? ME!!
How many times has he left me sitting at my old cashier's job stranded waiting for him to pick me up, long after the store closes at night? Plenty of times. Yall it even came to the point where i was plain nervous when it was time to get off cause i didn't know if i was going to have a ride home or not. I know that is stupid because why in the world would i give an alcoholic a free run of my precious vehicle that i am paying for?? Don't worry about. It eventually got repossessed anyway. Goodness I was sooo sooo stupid!
First DUI last month. Do you think that stopped him?? Nope! Still drinking and passing out.
He has attempted to stop drinking three times i know of. Only to go back to it within a week. Has been hospitalized twice for detox. Now he doesn't drink in front of me. Now he hides it in the mailbox. Under a bush. Somewhere in his car. And at least he has some sense with a DUI not to drive and a get a drink. He has some other enablers to drive him to the liquor store now!
Yes i am bitter. I just want my life back.
I'm new. I left my alcoholic bf of almost 4 years. So miserable it was. Such a waste of time. Like walking around with a dark rain cloud hovering above my being. I lost a sense of myself. I stopped talking and socializing with lifelong friends. Financial troubles. Of goodness, such a waste! I tried to further my education. I am a nurse now. That program was hard but it was even more difficult when with an alcoholic. All the pain and sorrow i've endured. I came to the realization a couple of days ago that i can not change him, i can not help him. He has to want change and help. And I can't do any of that. I tell him all the time, that only an alcoholic can tell you how to stop drinking and live sober, not me! He kept me for so long with the freaking pity parties, guilt, manipulations!
He claims that everything he does he is doing for "us." Oh yeah?? How so?? I can count on one hand how many months out of 4 years he has a kept a job. There are many many months that i paid rent, two cars, insurance, cable, phone, electricity and food all by MYSELF with absolutely NO help!! And when he did work, how many times has he squandered away plenty of money at the casino all under a drunken bliss?? So who had to come to the bill rescue?? ME!!
How many times has he left me sitting at my old cashier's job stranded waiting for him to pick me up, long after the store closes at night? Plenty of times. Yall it even came to the point where i was plain nervous when it was time to get off cause i didn't know if i was going to have a ride home or not. I know that is stupid because why in the world would i give an alcoholic a free run of my precious vehicle that i am paying for?? Don't worry about. It eventually got repossessed anyway. Goodness I was sooo sooo stupid!
First DUI last month. Do you think that stopped him?? Nope! Still drinking and passing out.
He has attempted to stop drinking three times i know of. Only to go back to it within a week. Has been hospitalized twice for detox. Now he doesn't drink in front of me. Now he hides it in the mailbox. Under a bush. Somewhere in his car. And at least he has some sense with a DUI not to drive and a get a drink. He has some other enablers to drive him to the liquor store now!
Yes i am bitter. I just want my life back.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Welcome! :ghug3
Have a read through the posts here, particularly the stickies at the top of the forum. It's scary just how common our experiences are! You're not alone in this.
There is so much here for you to learn - this site has opened my eyes and helped me find myself again. You'll hear about the 3 C's - didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it - and how to detach with love and focus on you and your needs.
I'm in the middle of the break up of my marriage to my AH. There are some very wise heads here who have been through the turmoil and have come out the other side - both staying with their partners or leaving. They ought to be along soon.
In the meantime, take care of you and keep posting!
Have a read through the posts here, particularly the stickies at the top of the forum. It's scary just how common our experiences are! You're not alone in this.
There is so much here for you to learn - this site has opened my eyes and helped me find myself again. You'll hear about the 3 C's - didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it - and how to detach with love and focus on you and your needs.
I'm in the middle of the break up of my marriage to my AH. There are some very wise heads here who have been through the turmoil and have come out the other side - both staying with their partners or leaving. They ought to be along soon.
In the meantime, take care of you and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by FindMyselfAgain 
I know that is stupid because why in the world would i give an alcoholic a free run of my precious vehicle that i am paying for?? Don't worry about. It eventually got repossessed anyway. Goodness I was sooo sooo stupid!
You've taken a wonderful couple of steps. Breaking up w/your abf and seeking help and answers for yourself. Good for you! Keep staying strong, and keep taking care of YOU!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
hello there, it's been 4 years exactly yesterday, on and off with my xabf (ex alcoholic boyfriend). And just Wednesday things came to a head again and I've decided it's time to let go.
It's not easy, one minute I'll think about just a few things he's done that are terrible and then it's easy to understand why I need to walk away and the next I'm missing him calling me.
It's hard, very hard. We become addicted to the chaos and the Alcoholic himself. This board is very helpful and as many members will tell you, so is Al-anon. Which for the first time I'm actually considering checking out.
Please don't feel stupid. Remember you are not alone.
It's not easy, one minute I'll think about just a few things he's done that are terrible and then it's easy to understand why I need to walk away and the next I'm missing him calling me.
It's hard, very hard. We become addicted to the chaos and the Alcoholic himself. This board is very helpful and as many members will tell you, so is Al-anon. Which for the first time I'm actually considering checking out.
Please don't feel stupid. Remember you are not alone.
Life is what you make of it
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Finding MY way in Ohio
Posts: 90
Welcome! I'm pretty new to this too, but it all comes down to choices.
Everyone has choices.
He chooses to drink and you choose not put up with it!!
Good for you!! Sometimes it is hard and you have to be strong but from what I have heard it will get better.
Try to enjoy your weekend!
Everyone has choices.
He chooses to drink and you choose not put up with it!!
Good for you!! Sometimes it is hard and you have to be strong but from what I have heard it will get better.
Try to enjoy your weekend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Gulfport, MS
Posts: 13
Thanks for everybody's encouragment,
These few days has been hard on me. He has been calling me constantly begging for me to come back, guilting me to come back, and sometimes just plain ugly about it. I've been remaining strong. Trying not to yell back, doing my best not to call him. I feel a bit sad though. But today he has not called me at all. What a blessing!
These few days has been hard on me. He has been calling me constantly begging for me to come back, guilting me to come back, and sometimes just plain ugly about it. I've been remaining strong. Trying not to yell back, doing my best not to call him. I feel a bit sad though. But today he has not called me at all. What a blessing!
Turning it all around
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 330
FindMyselfAgain,
Wow, you've said it all. I sure hope others (in need) learn from your experience, it is text book! Good for you putting your foot down. Please, have no guilt, no regrets and no pity. It's all about you now and get your life back you will. You have absolutely done the right thing! Kudos!
Always remember what you went through and stay strong!
Always remember, if you had it to do over again, you'd do the exact same thing!
Wow, you've said it all. I sure hope others (in need) learn from your experience, it is text book! Good for you putting your foot down. Please, have no guilt, no regrets and no pity. It's all about you now and get your life back you will. You have absolutely done the right thing! Kudos!
Always remember what you went through and stay strong!
Always remember, if you had it to do over again, you'd do the exact same thing!
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