tormented22267

I thought I'd share just a little of what is going on in these 1st 36 hours or so of the break-up with exabf. First of all, my 'baby steps'. After the one slip of answering his phone call yesterday afternoon (only to be yelled at & called names), I have not made the same mistake. He called last night and already a couple of times today - all calls have been ignored by me. I started to listen to the voicemails he left me, but as soon as he started 'quacking' (as I've heard so often here on SR!), I immediately pressed the 'delete' key and listened to no more. Also, every time I've gotten a twinge of wondering if I'm doing the right thing, or started having my 'codie' thoughts, I've come on here to read posts, or have opened up my Al-Anon Works book. So far it's working. Don't know how long it will work - but it's working now, and that's what matters, right?

As for the HP part. After the break-up Tuesday, I started having anxiety thinking of all the 'alone' time I would have and what I would do with myself. I'm always afraid if I get too lonely, I'll break down and either answer his calls, or call him. Well, last night a good friend of mine stopped over out of the blue. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks, and here she was when I needed her! This morning, another good friend that I haven't seen in months, calls to see if I'd like to join her for dinner tomorrow night. Friday was my biggest worry because my son goes to his dad's and I really am all alone. Now, I have dinner plans!

If that's not a Higher Power looking out for me, I don't know what is!!

Today, right now, is a good day. Minute by minute...

Hugs and Peace to all!

worriedwife2

Keep up the good work. Sounds like you are doing great. That truly does sound like a HP looking out for you.

NeedHappiness

Keep up the good work Tormented. I am early in my recovery also and I still have my moments of fear, crying and linliness. That is to be expected. Maybe find yourself a hobby to to in your spare time. Reading is good. So is exercise.
I do a little of everything to keep my mind occupied.
Keep your chin up and keep moving forward. You will not regret it.

tormented22267

As always, thank you for the kind words and encouagement. I've been reading through alot of back posts on here, and read a couple things about a RA's 'high' when they 'first' get sober. Everything is wonderful, they can stay sober forever, they can handle everything, etc. I'm just nervous, because right now, I feel so STRONG. I feel like I could never talk to him again and be ok. I'm just hoping that this feeling is not my 'high' because it's only been 2 days. Don't get me wrong, I've certainly thought about him the last couple of days. I've wondered why he isn't constantly calling like he normally does - maybe he knows I'm really serious this time?? Who knows? But, for the first time, I truly do not want to call him, do not want to talk to him, and I don't have the horrible 'pit in the stomach' feeling that I've had every other time we've broke up. It sounds silly, but it scares me that I'm feeling so differently this time around. I don't know, I sound like I'm babbling - it's hard to explain. I just sooo don't want to 'relapse', if that makes any sense.

I can't really say what's different this time. Maybe I've finally hit MY rock bottom, just like A's do...I don't know. I just pray that it stays this way and that I stay this strong. :praying

FormerDoormat

As long as you keep doing what you're doing right now--focusing on yourself, reconnecting with family and friends, keeping busy, getting out and doing things you enjoy, relying on Alanon and SR in weak moments, and learning new skills to deal with life's difficulties--that you'll remain strong.

I think you're doing great.

Barbara52

You are doing well. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep to the path you want to be on. God is on your side you know.

GiveLove

Tormented,

Have you ever taken yourself out for dinner and a movie? I started doing that in my early days of recovery, on the nights when I didn't want to be alone and risk backsliding.

At first I was a little bit self conscious (only at dinner, never in the dark at the movie of course...) but then the people at the little cafe next to the theatre started to know me and smile and suggest things I might like....long story short, I ended up making some new friends even though I just started out trying to keep my head busy.

Keep your eyes open for opportunities like this where you can: stay busy, treat yourself well, make new friends, learn something new.

You are SO on the right track! One day at a time, friend. Don't worry what you might do tomorrow - just do the next right thing.