cyclelady

The last time I posted was that my AH left in the am last Thurs and didnt come home until Friday at 8pm fighting - name calling, telling me he hated me, you can imagine, all this infront of our 3 boys. He did not leave he had been staying at our house since all this happened. He also has an older son who lives with us but was with his mom during this time. This also makes it difficult to make him leave when the older son is there cuz he would need to yank him from school and everything else since he is not my "real" son and he isnt going to live with me according to AH.

I have been sleeping on the couch and he in our bed. We talked and he asked if we could get past this, I told him the only way was for us to get help. He told me to make an appointment. I want to get a councelor who has "addicition background along with family relations"
He has been drinking N/A beer daily. The clash of the NA beer opening sends spikes down my back. Maybe I should be thankful it is N/A and try to not let that bother me. He has been trying to kiss me and tell me he loves me. I tell him that I love him too but I'm not living like this, in this hell! Why do I keep falling for these lines, tricks, call them what you want. I am an intelligent person as I'm sure we ALL are on here. Why am I so blind? I know "they" need to be the one to want to get help. I have attended a few Al-anon meetings and have read many, many books.
is it wrong for me (enabling)to be the one to make the appointment should I have him do it?
Thanks for listening! It helps reading the posts on here and knowing that there are people who know EXACTLY what I am going through!!

Barbara52

If it's an appointment for both of you, I don't see it as enabling. Let him know the time and place. See if he shows up.

I wish you the best.

theotherone

In my experience and thanks to all the wonderful people here on SR..."nothing changes if nothing changes"...When I started to make changes in me, my world started changing for the better. Don't get me wrong...I am in the early stages of my recovery and have a long road...but today I feel good and have gained great strength and support...and tomorrow can and will be even better. Keep posting and reading and hang in there...it will get better if you make you better!

Rella927

Yup! Make the appointment for you both and take it one day at a time.

Please do not forget about yourself and your children-Being open and honest
with them what is going on could be something to consider.

Make sure the appointment is for you too deep inside-

Wishing you the best and keep posting!

scorpiogirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyclelady

Why am I so blind? I know "they" need to be the one to want to get help. I have attended a few Al-anon meetings and have read many, many books. is it wrong for me (enabling)to be the one to make the appointment should I have him do it?

First of all Cyclelady, you are not blind. :wtf2 You see exactly what is going on and even if you don't think you are, your body is speaking volumes to you letting you know this isn't right (for you).

As far as making a therapy appointment, it is not enabling to make an appointment - unless you're there to fix him. Which you cannot do. All you can do is find out what is okay for you and your bottom line. Keep the appointment even if he doesn't show! A person in active addiction won't benefit from therapy anyway and most likely you'll just pointing fingers at him; going to therapy so HE can see what's wrong with HIM.

Keep the appointment and go with or without him.

Good luck!

cyclelady

I want the session to be for BOTH not just to point fingers at him. He is not "currently" drinking so he might get something out of the sessions. Maybe this will be the help I need to see EVERYTHING clearly or at least for what they are! .
Thanks for the replies!

denny57

Why is he sleeping in the bed?

I well remember all the times xAH stayed out late, called me names and then I did the penance for his behavior.

Individual counseling changed my life. ((()))

cyclelady

I choose to sleep on the couch (uncomfortable) but sure there isnt enough room for him to wiggle into MY space lol. If I were to be in the bed, he would definately try to get wiggly.
I'm hoping couseling will help each of us o

theotherone

Been there done that...wiggly bas@%^*! just don't get it.

scorpiogirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyclelady

I want the session to be for BOTH not just to point fingers at him. He is not "currently" drinking so he might get something out of the sessions.

Yes, I know you want the session to be for both of you. I realize that. I was just saying that if for some reason he doesn't go or doesn't show up, still go for you.

Wishing you all the best!
ScorpioGirl

denny57

I agree it would be great if he showed up - maybe he'd learn to respect your wiggly room and you'd get the bed!