TooMuch4TooLong

I was reading another post about how this person made a plan to get out by pretending she is going to the GoodWill. I have been pretty honest about all of this so far but I am starting to wonder if that was a good idea. He came in here and started trying to make me feel guilty for not staying another month so "we can get caught up" and that since he only had one day of work last week I was being cold and I didn't care about him, I stole his money to get my apartment, etc. and quack so forrth.

I thoght I had a prety good plan but I never really took into account gettng the rest of my stuff out of here. He is always here, he just sits here when he is not working and drinks in front of the tv. I think I am going to have my daughter wait for me at school Friday and we just leave from there, I don't have papaerwork put together, all her records are here. How do I get all that together yesterday? I work later than he does and short of taking an unpaid day off which with another storm out there I am really not wanting to do that. I am out of sick time and vacation time and we don't get hurricane pay. I am going to need any advice I can get, I want to get out of here with out a huge mess.

Barbara52

I'll tell you what I did. I left my xAH without specific warning that I was moving out on x day. I had told him a number of times that I was thinking of leaving him but did not say I am moving out on x day.

I rented a place, arranged to rent a truck and got my sons and some friends to help move my stuff.

On the day I moved out, I arranged for our pastor and a friend who is a RA to be there. I woke xAH up, told him to come down stairs and when he got down there, laid it out. I told him I couldn't do it anymore, that I had had enough and was leaving that day. I handed him a letter giving more of the whys and then brought in the pastor and friend to speak to xAh while I hurriedly packed and started loading the truck.

It went smoothly.

I am glad I did it that way becasue I didn't need to live with the drama if I had told him in advance. Of course xAH claims I did it without warning or reason. But that's his problem not mine.

Chrysalis123

The first thing that popped into my head is this, what is essential that you take? Prioritze these first. What can you leave without regrets? Can a friend come for a visit and help you smuggle stuff out?

:praying

cmc

This sticky contains a link with the information you need.
Each link listed there gives further detail on how to safely leave.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2-leaving.html

hadenoughnow

I used to sneak paperwork into my car when he was sleeping or "at the store". I wan't moving out, he was but I wanted to make sure he didn't take or destroy anything I needed.

boomerlady

How did u get him to leave without a scene? This is what I want to happen because my daughter and granddaughter also live with us. He also needs to be the one to leave cause he can't afford to stay here anyway. I read the post on 10 steps to leave without a scene...but I need to know how to get him to leave without a scene.:codiepolice

Barbara52

The reason I left was becasue I could not get xAh to move out. He had every right to be in that house since it was jointly owed.

If both parties are on the lease or mortgage, the only way to force someone out is through the courts I think.

boomerlady

thanks and yes, that is the case, both names are on the mortgage. I'll have to find out the legalities in this state.

Jazzman

My Lawyer wanted to file for exclusive use of the marital home which would produce a court order for my ex to leave. You might want to ask a lawyer to see if you have grounds for something similar in your state.

TooMuch4TooLong

That was some great advice, the ten steps are going to have to go high speed but if I do what Barbara did and rent a truck and get one of his "friends" here it should go ok. I have a couple of friends who have offered to help me move, thankfully.

I honestly have no interest in keeping this house, it's too big and too expensive for me. I can make do with a one bedroom and get caught up on my bills so I can start to live like a person again. I realized reading the ten steps that he won't have the money to get the utilities transferred. I guess he was right when he said he was going to have to live in one of the cheap hotel on the bad side of town. Well at least his beer can keep him company.

I have something positive to say too The leasing agent at the apartment I am looking at is great, I was very upfront with her about everything so she is really working to get me in ASAP. She also wrote that I do not have a dog and she knows I do, worse yet the dog is on the 'banned breed' list because she is part sheppard and looks mean as all get out. But she is a sweet ol' girl who never hurt a fly. So the leasing agent switched us to an apartment in the back right next to the dog walk so no one would notice a dog barking. Yeah! Loves m'dog I do

HopeTo180

Sounds like you're in good hands with the new place TooMuch. Planning is everything, as Barbara did. What Barb also did was curtail any scene that could arise in your first or second home. Good for you Barb! Be careful TooMuch, prepare yourself for the good and the bad. Cover all angles and be careful. Good luck and enjoy your new, soon to be, freedom! Prayers

TooMuch4TooLong

Thanks Hope. I am going to see if one of his friends can sit with him while me and my crew pack it up. I am not telling him where we are going and I am not going to turn our joint cell account on. When I leave he will only have a pay phone and no idea where I am. The only thing that bothers me is him trying to follow the truck if I can't get someone to sit with him. Oh and the police station is right across the street, so that helps too, wouldn't it? He's on parole for dui, I hope he wouldn't be that stupid but you never know.

HopeTo180

You've got it TooMuch, you just never know. Prayers

NeedHappiness

Good luck to you TooMuch. Things will work out for the best. I agree that having others present during the move is a good idea! I might also suggest that you grab your doggie right away and get her into someone else's care while you pack. (I say this because my XABF has tried to kidnap my dog and use her to get to me)
Keep your chin up and plan every detail. If he tries to follow the moving truck, just pull it over in a safe area (crowded parking lot, in front of the police station, etc..) and tell him you are calling the police. Hopefully it won't come to that, but be aware just in case.

Good luck and keep us posted.