could just use a hug

Old 08-25-2008, 06:11 PM
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Can't make sense out of crazy.
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Unhappy could just use a hug

feeling very depressed and hopeless and very angry and very frustrated.
blowing up at my kids all.the.time. lately, being a terrible mother when they are needing an awesome mother.
feeling very, very overwhelmed, very alone, stressed isn't even close to being the way to describe it.

feeling very, very burnt out.

feeling like just walking away from my life and starting over somewhere else and forgetting all of this.

feeling like a complete failure in every aspect of my life, the things I wante the most to succeed in in life; my kids and my marriage are in shambles.
i am just one big fat failure.

i am failing miserably at this single mom gig, my kids and i are all angry and frustrated and stressed and its just not prety around here lately.
i am blowing up at my kids all.the.time. I have no patience for anything at all.my kids are pretty much hating me these days. and not shy about telling me.
everything has just gotten so out of control around here.

this is all not me. i cant call the person i have always turned to since we are separated, I cant call my mother because she is usually a very negative "you made your bed, now you have to lay in it" type of lecturing person. My best friend is in another state and is very busy, and my friend here is very, very busy too.
just feeling really sad and alone, and like I'm seriously losing it.
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:12 PM
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:ghug
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:20 PM
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I suggest you are at the beginning of a very new situation and are being too hard on yourself. Being a single parent is no easy thing in the best of circumstances and when you throw in alcohlism it's even worse. Watching your marriage fall apart and maybe end is never easy under the best of circumstances either.

You can do this. You will do this. And end up in a better place.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:22 PM
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:ghug3

Oh man, can I relate to your post because you just described how i was feeling the last time I started a thread to a tee!! Here is my ESH for these times:

1. I look up to my HP

2. I recite the Serenity Prayer over and over to myself until I can figure out how I can change me.

3. I give myself a time out from my kids and permission to do so. We talk about this in advance so it isn't a big surprise....I'm getting better but often fail miserably at this and end up taking my stress out on them.

4. I take the kids and do something fun.

5. I talk to my kids about Alcoholism and all that entails.

6. I cry

7. I come here to vent, read, and learn

8. I try to remember what is great about me and how special I am.

9. I remember that I am working on myself and that I was involved in this craziness for a LONG time. Rome wasn't built in a day and I won't get healthy in a day either...progress not perfection.

This will pass Stephanie...hang in there sweetie. :praying
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:35 PM
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Can't make sense out of crazy.
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thanks,
now I feel like a stupid, needy, drama queen fool for posting to an internet forum asking for hugs.

p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c

I can totally see why there are so many sad and lonely people out at bars drinking their lives away - cause sometimes it all hurts to freaking badly and there dont seem to be any good answers.
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:41 PM
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Originally Posted by strongerwoman View Post
thanks,
now I feel like a stupid, needy, drama queen fool for posting to an internet forum asking for hugs.

p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c
So what does that make me in your eyes? Here I be giving those hugs. Caring about someone I'll never meet.
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:42 PM
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Pray to your higher power. He is always with you!

(((HUGS)))
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Old 08-25-2008, 07:03 PM
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:ghug3
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Old 08-25-2008, 07:12 PM
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strongerwoman, it has been pointed out that you are still moving in that black-or-white realm of thinking. Okay? You are not ugly. You are not stupid. Hey, you got through school and PASSED your exam on the first try - this is NOT the accomplishment of a stupid person.

Please try not to label yourself so harshly. We codies are so rough on ourselves. Frankly, if you want to vent, emote, get dramatic, whatever ... it IS your right. As long as the mods feel you are acting within the parameters set for this board, I don't think you're going to get booted off or anything. You are certainly not the first person to come on here and post, "What an idiot I am," "How DUMB can I be?"

Be kind to yourself. You are human. You make mistakes. Just like everybody else here.
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Old 08-25-2008, 07:44 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
 
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No matter how busy you think your two friends are, reach out and I am sure they'll make time to listen.
Do you have a fellowship of people in Al-anon?

Can you take a walk in nature and remember what it is you have to be grateful for.

Let your kids know you're struggling and ask them for the help you need.
Take time to have some fun with them.

Sorry you are so down today. May tomorrow be better because you want it to be.
(((((((((((((((((((((Stephanie)))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))
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Old 08-25-2008, 08:07 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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Old 08-25-2008, 08:13 PM
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Feeling well and getting well are two completely different things eh?

I think it's fantastic your talking about yourself rather than focusing on what your AH is or is not doing.



How's your HALT's?
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

I know you and your kids are all angry right now, what about the other ones?
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Old 08-25-2008, 08:34 PM
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strongerwoman, :ghug3
You don't know me but I have read your posts since I joined about 3 months ago. I think you are an incredibly strong, bright, loving mother. And that is the honest truth. You are being WAY too hard on yourself and it sounds like you have not been taking care of yourself. Being a Mom is hard enough but very hard when it is ALL on you.
I am sorry you are feeling so beat up right now.
How old are your kids? Maybe you need to sit down and explain to them that you are feeling really worn out and feel very badly that you have not been able to be the Momj that you want to be lately. Maybe make a time out pact. I have a rule in my house that the kids are not allowed to jump on me and ask for anything for 10 minutes after I get home from work. Then I grab myself a drink (iced coffee usually), sit down call them in. Also, I give myself a time out if I can not control my frustration. I don't know if that is good advice but it works for me. If I am in a bad mood I warn the whole family when I come in so no one thinks it is them. Hehe.
I wish you the very best! PLEASE be kind to yourself, you deserve it!
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Old 08-25-2008, 08:43 PM
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Originally Posted by strongerwoman View Post
thanks,
now I feel like a stupid, needy, drama queen fool for posting to an internet forum asking for hugs.

p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c

I can totally see why there are so many sad and lonely people out at bars drinking their lives away - cause sometimes it all hurts to freaking badly and there dont seem to be any good answers.
Nope not at all! We are all here for each other in anyway that we can be IMHO. If you need to vent go ahead....if you need a virtual hug...ask for it! Nothing wrong in my book with that!

SR is my other family as I know I can come here and not be judged for things that I say! It is a great feeling to feel loved and know that I have place where I'm understood (Well most of the time LOL)

So take the hugs because you need them and we can give them to you because you deserve them!

Be gentle with yourself! And give yourself a huge hug for doing what you do and plugging through! it takes time and you are moving in the right direction!

:ghug
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Old 08-25-2008, 10:40 PM
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I remember one of the biggest obstacles to letting go for me was the fear of failure. I thought if I ended up divorced, I was a failure. Not true. It takes two to make a marriage work. One person cannot do it all. There is no failure in doing what's best for you.

I agree with the advice to be honest and open with the children. When I let my children know and see that I was having a hard time, that I was not perfect and didn't have all the answers, they became more willing to work with me and help in all situations. They were accustomed to coming to me for answers, and I was always there to provide them. When I admitted I didn't have all the solutions, they not only respected me more, but they rallied around me and pitched in to solve problems.

You don't have to be everything to everyone. You aren't letting anybody down by being human. Really.

:ghug3
L
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Old 08-26-2008, 02:30 AM
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(((Stephanie)))

I see a woman of incredible strength, even when she doesn't see it herself. You are smart, loving, fiercely dedicated to your family, very funny, expressive, and deserve much, much more than your current state. Please don't settle for less than that, Stephanie. Keep putting one foot out there each day followed by the next. Life IS hard sometimes, but there will be many rewards in your future. I absolutely love all the advice above. And I would bet that you could find yourself a nice little core group if you could find time for a little al-anon (free hugs, free support, free loving friends who DO understand) group time. Please give yourself these time-outs, these all about me times that you need and deserve.

I remember that terribly conflicting time when the one person I needed to be able to turn to was the reason I was having the problem in the first place. What a terrible situation for a loving wife and mother to be in. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Trust in your HP that you are walking the right path and doing the best that you can. Forgive yourself; things always look better in the morning after a good night's sleep. Big mom hugs coming your way, sister.
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Old 08-26-2008, 06:49 AM
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(((SW))) You are not alone! You have us- you can go to al-anon and be surrounded by people who have been through what you are going through. I don't know if you've ever been, but I know it took me a while to find the right meeting and feel comfortable there. I don't go regularly now- too busy- but I go when I can, and the same people are there to welcome me back. From all of your posts that I've read, I see a woman who is strong, loyal and not willing to just walk away from something that means so much to her. . . a lot like me. It's not easy!!! I've found that I need to be more compassionate with myself. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a good friend going through this crisis. Take care!
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Old 08-26-2008, 09:23 AM
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Strongerwoman, don't be so hard on yourself. We all would have loved for our A's to turn their lives around and be the best they could be. Oh, if it were only that easy. Try and keep your chin up and look to your HP for strength and guidance. This too shall pass and tomorrow will bring another fresh day.
I agree with the posts regarding talking with your daughters. It's better that they understand WHY you haven't been yourself, instead of maybe thinking its something they have or haven't done.
Hugs to you!!
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Old 08-26-2008, 03:50 PM
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Originally Posted by strongerwoman View Post
thanks,
now I feel like a stupid, needy, drama queen fool for posting to an internet forum asking for hugs.

p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c

I can totally see why there are so many sad and lonely people out at bars drinking their lives away - cause sometimes it all hurts to freaking badly and there dont seem to be any good answers.
I would hate to hear your opinions of my posts the past two days (new poster)

Sometimes anonymity allows us a certain amount of comfort to open up where we would not otherwise and we all experience emotional overload. How do you think I feel about what has transpired the past 2 days with me ?
If you knew me, you would have never imagined.

You'll be ok.
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Old 08-26-2008, 04:02 PM
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((((Stephanie))))

From one single mom to another, just know this: your kids love you no matter what.

When my XAH and I split up last year, I was having a terrible time with anger and resentment, etc. It is soooooo much better now, even though it's still really hard sometimes.

Truth is, it was difficult with him AND without him.

I hope you are feeling better today.
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