Babyo622

I sat home most of the weekend feeling sad and trying to stop myself from contacting my EXAL. It was such a nice weekend and we should have been at the beach or the park…etc….Who am I kidding he would probably be drunk and the day would be wasted anyway…I guess I miss the attention, he gave me sooooooooooo much attention and now I feel like I am the one coming off the drug….. I must really be crazy because I still feel so blue over all of this and it is going on a yr where I broke it off. I read so many treads on here about all the horror stories and I can replay many of my own, so why in the world would I want to bring that back into my life? I cannot seem to figure it out, why I cannot let go of this obsession of might have been so I can fully move on. I go repeatedly it all in my head and nothing chances expect the fact that I am getting used to him not being around all the time. However, my heart still hurts so much, it really cries, I cannot get it to stop….  Maybe I will never get over him!

LaTeeDa

So, why did you not go to the beach or park? You don't need him to do the things you enjoy.

When does it end? The moment you stop punishing yourself.

L

Barbara52

It will stop when you want it to. If you cannot do this on your own, try some individual therapy.

GiveLove

Seeing a counselor helped me TONS when I would obsess over similar stuff. I found that it wasn't necessarily HIM, but it was how someone had made me feel, the attention I got, the dreamy fake safety of being in a relationship, all that stuff. I didn't need him specifically as much as I needed all that came with him, as much as I thought it was just that one human being that was doing all that black magic

My counselor helped me figure out what all of those things were, and what I could do to learn how to get the same feelings from healthy things instead of from him.

Consider it at least, baby.

prodigal

Never say "never." Circumstances change. People change. Life is always changing. I sat home grieving over my exAH for about six months. Then I found an interest: cat shows. I own a purebred Cornish Rex. I went to some of the big cat shows in the D.C./Baltimore areas. I entered my cat in the "household pet" category and took home a ribbon.

Sure, I still felt the pangs of loneliness. But I got out there and started living life. Staying home and isolating yourself helps to keep the obsession churning in your head.

Do you have hobbies or interests you enjoy? How about getting in touch with friends and going out with them? I discovered surrounding myself with people who love to laugh was of great help. Laughter IS contagious.

Perhaps you and your ex were together so much that you let some of your friendships go for awhile. You may not feel like getting back out there, but how about giving it a try? I suppose going to cat shows might sound like something little old ladies do, but I really enjoyed myself.

I also began to appreciate the peace and quiet. When I looked around my apartment and realized I didn't have to come home to Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde, I felt relief. No more screaming, cussing, ranting, acting out. When I was able to appreciate the serenity of my own home, I started missing exAH a whole lot less.

lizw

You may find googling SLAA (sex and love addicts anonymous) and having a read of their site helpful.

Not because you are a sex addict but maybe a 'love addict'???

SLAA have the belief when people like myself (sex and love addicts) have relationships end, we go through a period called 'withdrawl' which they say is similar to withdrawing from a drug.

I thought is was a load of s*** until I stopped all contacted with my last BF and went a tad mental, having all the symptoms SLAA detailed as 'withdrawl'.

That alone convinced me I was more than likely a sex and love addict....

Babyo622

I am not sure that I have “love addiction” but speaking of that when my ex came out of rehab they told him to buy the book called “love addiction” so he must have it. However, I will check out the site, thanks…….

I have never acted this way in any other relationship. When I broke it off with all my ex’s it was done and over, I moved on right away and I never thought about it twice (my decision was final) but with him I felt such a connection, nothing like I ever felt before. I felt it the first time we met; it was like a vibe that came over me, some mystical feeling that was telling me this is your husband to be. Maybe we had another life together in a past lifetime…..I did not even feel this way over my ex husband. Even now that we are apart, my gut tells me that we should not be apart. Maybe it is my wishful thinking but the feeling is way to strong to be fantasy……..Or maybe I just never got so hurt by someone my minds and heart does not know how to handle it….. Nevertheless, I will stay away as long as he is not sober. I also will not hold up my life either, if someone else comes into play before he can “fix” himself I will move on with them…… I did actually meet a great guy recently so I guess the cards are in Gods hands now…….. But it is already a yr since the break up and I managed to stay away this long. I just wish this feeling in my heart would stop! Maybe like it was mentioned above, when I really want it to stop it will or when I stop pushing myself to let it go…..

kelly381

I know I should reply to you with words f wisdom and strength, but I can't cause I am feeling exactly like you. Basically I'm just here to let you know you are not crazy for feeling this way (even a year later)
My friends/family don't understand...they see a man that lies, chests, does drugs/drinks and is bi-polar. They don't know what the attraction is, why I am not running for the door and never looking back...well, they don't understand.
I'm not one who falls in love easily, in fact, until I had my first child, I actually thought I was broken...even my husband, he was ok, but I didn't get that gut wrenching, gotta have him kinda feeling.
Anyway, along came xabf and I was like WOW! Everything came so easily, weird goofy things like we watch tv with our arm raised, tap our feet as we fall asleep, we have the same (obscure) favorite candy bar and we've both never eaten anything at Burger King but the Italian Chicken sandwhich...who does that???
When my husband left, the mantra I lived by was 'Just keep swimming' (from Finding Nemo...every time I would say that people would look at me like I was weird and I ALWAYS had to explain myself...but the one day he was sitting on my sofa and he was talking about something and out of the blue he said, "Just keep swimming" I almost sh*t to say the least...I knew then that I was done...I was spending the rest of my life with this man. I was under the false impression that he was in recovery then (8 months clean) but he was drinking sporadically at the time...anyway, he used the term 'soul twin' and that's almost how it was. Only he was an A and I could care less about alcohol...
But now he is with his gf...contacting me every few days. I guess just checking to see if I will still answer (for whatever reason I don't know) and every time I do....I wake up and say to myself, if he calls I'm not going to answer. EVERY DAY!!!

So, I'm sorry this is so long and rambling...but I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

Just go out and have a good time with this new guy...leave yourself open for the happiness that you know is out there...with or without a relationship. Just have fun!!! Smile and laugh