Now what?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Motown
Posts: 122
Now what?
Don't you get sick of asking yourself that? I know I am getting real sick of it.
Resentment. That’s the feeling around my house today. I stood firm all weekend, (yay me!) I was civil, kind, but firm. Drinking/associated behavior is NOT acceptable in my life anymore. He, however, has run the gamut on emotions. He was even going so far as to say he was moving out, (which he didn’t - not surprised). I said I thought it was a good idea. Then all of a sudden, something clicked. He was back to his “usual” (good) self. I sometimes hate those “glimpses” into what was/could be.
Now, this morning, he is back to ResentfulMan. He told me that he feels like I am either his mom or his warden. That I am laying down the law and he doesn’t like to be told what to do. I explained that it was his choice whether to drink or not, but just like any other choice in life, there are consequences. Some are good, some are not so good. But it’s still your choice which way to go. His answer? “If I want to keep my family, no, I don’t have a choice”. Exactly.
I'll just step back, let him work this out for himself, because I can't do it for him. He's gotta figure it out on his own.
It is very empowering to know that I can survive without him. Not sure how, LOL, but I can!
juju
Resentment. That’s the feeling around my house today. I stood firm all weekend, (yay me!) I was civil, kind, but firm. Drinking/associated behavior is NOT acceptable in my life anymore. He, however, has run the gamut on emotions. He was even going so far as to say he was moving out, (which he didn’t - not surprised). I said I thought it was a good idea. Then all of a sudden, something clicked. He was back to his “usual” (good) self. I sometimes hate those “glimpses” into what was/could be.
Now, this morning, he is back to ResentfulMan. He told me that he feels like I am either his mom or his warden. That I am laying down the law and he doesn’t like to be told what to do. I explained that it was his choice whether to drink or not, but just like any other choice in life, there are consequences. Some are good, some are not so good. But it’s still your choice which way to go. His answer? “If I want to keep my family, no, I don’t have a choice”. Exactly.
I'll just step back, let him work this out for himself, because I can't do it for him. He's gotta figure it out on his own.
It is very empowering to know that I can survive without him. Not sure how, LOL, but I can!
juju
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
juju,
Thanks for sharing this.......again it is creepy, creepy, creepy how similar our stories are. I have heard almost word for word the same statement about "if I want to keep my family". It's so hard to back up boundaries after 20 years of marriage without any. My AH can't figure out what changed that "all of the sudden" makes the same behaviors unacceptable for me. I gave him my copy of Codependent No More to read, but he wasn't interested.....doesn't believe in all of that shrink stuff. Also won't go to counseling or AA, so I had to make the same choice you are to work on me. Most days it feels pretty darn good to finally be doing the hard work that is long overdue.
Thanks for sharing this.......again it is creepy, creepy, creepy how similar our stories are. I have heard almost word for word the same statement about "if I want to keep my family". It's so hard to back up boundaries after 20 years of marriage without any. My AH can't figure out what changed that "all of the sudden" makes the same behaviors unacceptable for me. I gave him my copy of Codependent No More to read, but he wasn't interested.....doesn't believe in all of that shrink stuff. Also won't go to counseling or AA, so I had to make the same choice you are to work on me. Most days it feels pretty darn good to finally be doing the hard work that is long overdue.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
Quack, quack, quack 
Good job, juju.
Hugs,
GL
Good job, juju.
Hugs,
GL
Way to go JuJu!
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