Jazzman

I'll offer my male perspective. I'm not the type to pursue or compete with other men for a conquest and I very much dislike the dating game. I'm not the type to compete with skeletons in the closet either.

I think honesty gets max points when it comes to even budding relationships. One of my early dating experiences after divorce was a woman that sent me mixed signals. That messed with my head because not only was I vulnerable at the time, I really liked her too.

I don't know if he got mixed signals or not because it sounds like you've been honest with him. I think what's more important is that you be honest with yourself before getting someone else in the mix.

I don't see this as a call or don't call issue, to me that's the small stuff. I see this as a are you ready issue. Only you would know the answer to that.

shellygirl

Okay so I find it interesting that all the woman are saying to lay off and not respond but the men are saying to be honest and tell him how I feel. At 48 I don't want to play games. When he asked me to meet he told me not to tell my son and I agreed. His wife left him and his family and moved to another state. Both of our kids have been abandoned by their parents and they don't want their parents dating anyone. I just feel like I want to say to him " Look I started out the night as your friend but ended it wanting to kiss you. I just wanted you to know that after everything that has happened you still have "it". I know I would love to hear that! If he says he's not interested that's fine at least it's out there without the games. I could tell him that's ok' he is still a great guy and I wish him all the best and go on with my life.

CatsPajamas

I Found something interesting by Scott & Shannon Peck on this very topic

"Think of these as standards for the love you deserve and don't settle for less:

1.) There are no hidden feelings. We share our deepest feelings and needs openly. It was scary at first, but our love together is a never-ending flow of total intimacy and the immense satisfaction and freedom of not wondering where we stand. You will never know real love until you enter this dimension -- and the payoff is infinitely greater than the pain. Take the plunge men!

2.) There is no unkindness. None! We speak with tenderness, respect, and a guiding motivation to uplift even when we are frustrated. No it's not easy -- but do
you want to experience real love or not? Kindness in our relationship is as present as oxygen.

3.) There is no lack of deep, rich, constant, overflowing honoring. We say " I love you" in so many ways and so often that we feel loved to our bones. We honour each other's talents, desires, accomplishments, dreams, and anything else we can find to honour. We are cheerleaders, prayer partners, and mentors for each other.

4.) There is no lack of full-scale, all-over-the-map equality. Equal time for each other's passions. Equal resources devoted to each other's need. Equal valuing of each other's dreams.

5.) There is no lack of joy. Our time together is like a waterfall of playfulness and joy interrupted by normal life challenges. But even as we face each challenge --
whether health, income, relationships, or business -- we never forget we're in love. Our little grins and whimsical words let healing and love flow constantly.

6.) There is no lack of Spirituality. Toss the greatest, most mind-boggling challenge at our feet -- or in our face -- and we come up totally Spiritual. We know the power of Spirituality to heal. Can you imagine the power we focus on these challenges when we combine total Spirituality times two -- and add in the other love bullets above? Don't ever hide your Spirituality in love. There is no difference between true Spirituality and true Love.

This is the love you deserve. It's not a dream. It's your Spiritual right! Decide to become an expert in love. Move to the consciousness of a LoveMaster. Let your being radiate nothing-missing love. Your new consciousness will lead you to other LoveMasters and you will live this column. Welcome to the heart of love. "

justanothrdrunk

Not to totally derail the thread here, while I appreciate what you're saying (and make every attempt to do so), what about when others specifically ask for advice? I read the OP and that's exactly what I take from it, she wants advice, ie., "ideas."

If your romantic interest were me, I would like to know that you are interested, but I might shy away if you sort of blurted out every detail about how you feel early on. I would like you to call, but still take it slow and casual early on.

This coming from a man is married, has been for 14 years, and hasn't been on a date in as long. So that makes me an expert I guess .

denny57

Red flag: asked me to lie to my son. And I did.

Bernadette

Hey Shelly-
I would just take it as it comes-- you said you'll be seeing him at football a lot - so you'll have opportunity to observe him and get to know him better and flirt if you want to.

Sometimes when I obsess I am building up a fantasy about the object of my obsession. Just be cool- you've got time, right? No rush to judgement. If you all are meant to get together you'll still be feelin' it as time goes on!

Peace,
B.

shellygirl

He asked me not to tell my son because our boys are both almost 17 and hang out in the same group. I understand that because they both have had parents abandon them. I didn't want to tell my son I was meeting him because I didn't want the group of boys jumping to conclusions and for our boys to feel awkward with each other. I believe he felt the same way - not a red flag - Just protecting our boys.

You all have been so amazing - Bless you all - without your support this past year I would have never made it through. Thank you

Taking5

I disagree. While it is a lie, there is nothing wrong with keeping a budding relationship private. This also proves IMHO that he looks at this as potentially more than friendship.

denny57

This dangerous line of thinking got me in more trouble than I care to repeat.

Jazzman

I like the idea of never doing anything I would have to lie about to my kids. I think it sets a really good example.

Pajarito

I have to say I agree with you jazzman. I'd like to try to live my life in an honest way. If a potential date asked me to lie about it to my dd, I would hope that I'd see that as a huge red flag and make other plans.