JOsborn

Hello - I'm new to this board as I've just stumbled across this site. But I've read through some of the posts and some of them sound just like I wrote them myself! My husband is an alcoholic. He admits this and is on-again-off-again with AA. Right now he's on again. This is a habit I do not share with him - I will have a few drinks with him on the weekends but one or two is my limit - I don't enjoy to get as 'bombed' as he gets. (I guess, too, who would take care of things if we BOTH acted like that?!) I'm not perfect by any means - together we do share a drug problem (pot). The times that my husband has decided to try AA again are the times when he gets really drunk and smokes crack (another NOT shared habit). Right now, he's been really determined to make it work - and even got a sponsor. I couldn't be more proud of him. So then why am I so mean? My husband and I have been together for 7 years (married for 3) and ever since we've only had each other. He has a few friends that come over to the house (mostly what's left of his drinking buddies) on occasion, I have . . . him. I am an introverted person and I have a real hard time opening up to people. I am a smart, professional person but whenever speaking to people I freeze up and sound stupid. So while he's gung ho with AA, and not coming home until 11:00 at night from hanging out with the AA boys while I'm left to sit at home and wonder if he's okay (no, he doesn't bother to call - he's with the boys and that's embarrassing). So last night he came home - 2 hours after his AA meeting ended - and when he came through the door I went on attack mode - I had been worried about where he was - but he blew me off and made it like my fault because I should have known where he was. I don't know what to do! I feel terrible about the way I acted - and he just woke up on the warpath again this morning so letting it fly by obviously isn't an option. I know, you think I need to get a life. I can't! How does an adult meet new friends?? I work 2 hours from my home so I can't befriend people I work with.

I know I sound a mess and have taken this way off topis and I'm sorry for that. But if you managed to get through it I'd be curious to know your thoughts. Especially if it reads as pathetic as I feel.

liddy

HI Josborn
welcome !
this is a wonderful place and a beginning that could change your life forever !
I have been in alanon 14 mths. it has realy helped my sanity issues, living with alcoholism makes us all a little looney.
It is also a place to grow ourselves , one day at a time following the same steps and traditions as AA. People in alanon come from all walks of life and all professions, but we have one thing in common , we have all been effected by someone else's drinking, we learn we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanagable.
You don't have to feel lonely anymore.
Keep coming back here Josborn and do seek out a meeting for yourself, try it a few times and see if its for you.
Hugs
liddy

meme

hi JOsborn,
There have been many times when I have just reacted to a situation that my A has presented. Sometimes I feel like a pressure cooker that needs to release steam. But with time I am learning not to react but respond calmly (with much prayer). I have found that getting myself involved with hobbies and special projects helps me to take my mind off of my A. Do you have a hobby? When I am doing a project I find that time goes by and I have something I have created. Maybe even with time you will meet others who share your same hobbies. I think the idea is to get our eyes off of our A and on ourselves.
Please don't beat yourself up...things will get better
peace and love,
meme

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi JO,

Welcome to the recovery forums! My first suggestion to people who want to make new acquaintances is to volunteer or audition at a local amateur theatre. Your daily commute might make that one tough. How about these... join a church, take a class (something fun... like belly dancing... floral arranging... ceramics), find an alanon group or volunteer to an organization you think is important. But please try something. A girl needs some girlfriends.

Hugs,
Smoke