dolphingal1971

Well on Wednesday, AH came home and he had drunk ALOT of beer. Well, I had decided that I was gonna be nice to him to see where it got me. I had made a good dinner and when I walked in, he started fixing his plate. He was so lit up he didn’t even notice the pasta in the bowl next to the sauce. Well, I got his salad out of the fridge and fixed his iced tea. Then I proceeded to turn the tv channel since I thought he wasnt watching it because when he is drunk, he will close his eyes while eating and he was doing that. I turned the channel and he hollered, “I was watching that!” I said, oh i’m sorry, I didnt know, I will turn it back.” To which he never laid eyes on the tv. Well then he goes to bed and grumbled something about me being a liar and slammed the door in my face. Well, his daughter calls me and asked why do i keep calling her phone and hanging up. I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about and she screams and curses me and it was her DAD that called her number TWICE from my phone because he used my phone to dial his number to find his phone. I told him, your daughter just cursed me out for no reason, you need to talk to her! He had his phone in one hand and told the person he was talking to hold on. Well, after he passed out, I got his phone and there was a voice mail. I dialed it and it was a WOMAN! asking him, I called you back after I saw you had called me and are you ok? Is everything alright? I was livid. I went over to his sister’s and let her hear it and also 10 minutes of him screaming and cursing me. She couldnt believe. To make a long story short, I called the police because he locked me out of the house for 2hrs and I pushed open the door (It does not lock very well and i just barely applied pressure and it opened). When the door opened, he open handed slapped me on the side of my face by my ear. I dialed 911. The deputy came and the first thing he said to me was “Oh, I’m down in my back”. He didnt do ANYTHING. Said he wasnt gonna arrest him because I went and woke him up when I found the voice mail and demanded answers. First he told me it was a woman in his local work union. Then last night, he was at his dad’s and I stopped by and asked his dad to please not evict me and my children until I can get a place. He said he NEVER told AH he would evict me and he wouldnt. I found out he tells me lies that his family says. Also, his sister told me that she thought him talking to the woman had been going on 3-4 weeks. She said everyone in the family knew cause he told them, “I think i found someone that will be good to me.” It is his cousin’s EXWIFE! Well, he came by this morning telling me he never touched her, said it was all about pills he sells for people (he’s like the middle man I guess). He says everyone told him he was screwing up and he said I know it. He said I’m sorry I even talked to her. He wants to talk today after work, I said that he will have to be 100% sober. He promised me he would. He was very drunk last night. Starts telling me he knows he needs help, that he may have to go to AA, that he can’t do it by himself. I told him that I was finished helping him. ARGH!!!! My heart tells me he wants it to go further with the woman. He even said she was a trouble making tramp. His family said they hate her, she’s on drugs, and she just got out of jail for bad check. His cousin and her divorced because SHE cheated!
I'm so hurt right now I can't even look at him, I physically hurt, an ache in my heart.

juju

Dolphingal, I’m so sorry you have to deal with so much pain right now. Living with that chaos is absolutely exhausting, physically and emotionally.

Is there an Al-Anon where you’re at? I don’t want to be preachy, but I really feel that Al-Anon, along with SR, has been instrumental for me to find the strength and self-respect I need to stand up for myself and refuse to live in the chaos anymore. My ah isn’t liking it too much, needless to say, but I’m standing firm! Just today, he started again, and I cut him right off.

Anyway, no advice, just know you’re not alone. We all deserve peace.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))))

juju

Startingover2

I am so sorry. Like Juju said its all chaos!

NeedHappiness

Dolphing....in my opinion, you need to get OUT OF THERE!!! Take you children and find a womens shelter or somewhere else that can provide safety to you. this man has already become physically violent with you!! What if he turns on one of your children while he is "lit up"? I wouldn't take anymore chances if it were me.

Do you have friend or family you could stay with? Thoughts and prayers going out to you sweetie

Barbara52

Please take action to protect yourself and your children!

isitme

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry your going through all of that. Please think of yourself and your kids first and make the choices that seem the best to you.

:ghug3

prodigal

It sounds as if you are dealing with someone who habitually lies. What are you hoping to accomplish by having a discussion with him this evening? Since he's using, do you think he will take responsibility for his actions? I know from your post what everyone else is saying, but what do you have to say?

What do you plan to do if he continues drinking and lying?

McKrazy

And I have to agree with Barbara that this sounds like more than chaos. It actually sounds pretty dangerous and like things have progressed from where you all were. The problem is that we, in our own situation, don't always see how bad things have gotten because it's been happening incrementally.

Do me a favor..... read your post again and pretend that someone else wrote it. What would you advise to that person. I don't want to be in a position to give you advice, I barely manage my own life, but I have to say that I'm feeling really concerned about your situation. Please think of yours and your childrens' safety both physically and mentally. Your AH sounds out of control.

Take care!

AWEDA

Reading your post makes me so grateful to be out of that
chaos that used to be my life.

I pray you will find peace also,very soon........

CatsPajamas

I agree with others: please try to take care of yourself and your children. I was able to find a lot of support and strength by going to Al Anon meetings. I learned about setting boundaries and about what to do when faced with unacceptable behavior.

Hugs
Cats