My confession- I am in big trouble-very scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I did call the police and they can be supeona (sp) by his attorney if she wishes.
Last I heard from him his attorney was looking into the call so I am sure it will come out soon.
Not looking forward to that.
Last I heard from him his attorney was looking into the call so I am sure it will come out soon.
Not looking forward to that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
I really need to figure out why he is so scary to me...
I know exactly what you are feeling. When I read your post my breath caught in my throat thinking about being in your situation with my AH--except you are much braver than I am. I feel those feelings--being a scared little girl. I don't know if you've thought about this but perhaps it is conditioning. I know it is with me. I've allowed him to treat me this way and now I am conditioned (learning to undo it though) to react to him as if I am a child. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you are feeling with this. But as everyone else here said, you did the right thing--there was no choice. One day if a healthier part of himself comes forth, he may acknowledge that you had no choice--you saved his life, the lives of his children and anyone else on the road near him. Think about that--you possibly saved the lives of strangers that may have been injured--or worse--because of him. You did that. Amazing.
As for your daughter. My children are young still, but as infants I was too scared to be alone and thought they needed their father. Not like this. Had I left (or he) when they were four months, they would not have seen or heard what they have which is way too much for a four and two year old to be exposed to. Be glad that you and your courage and healthy love will be the majority influence in this child's life. Hugs to you.
I know exactly what you are feeling. When I read your post my breath caught in my throat thinking about being in your situation with my AH--except you are much braver than I am. I feel those feelings--being a scared little girl. I don't know if you've thought about this but perhaps it is conditioning. I know it is with me. I've allowed him to treat me this way and now I am conditioned (learning to undo it though) to react to him as if I am a child. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you are feeling with this. But as everyone else here said, you did the right thing--there was no choice. One day if a healthier part of himself comes forth, he may acknowledge that you had no choice--you saved his life, the lives of his children and anyone else on the road near him. Think about that--you possibly saved the lives of strangers that may have been injured--or worse--because of him. You did that. Amazing.
As for your daughter. My children are young still, but as infants I was too scared to be alone and thought they needed their father. Not like this. Had I left (or he) when they were four months, they would not have seen or heard what they have which is way too much for a four and two year old to be exposed to. Be glad that you and your courage and healthy love will be the majority influence in this child's life. Hugs to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Wow...I really think what I am going to tell you was meant to happen today.
There is a guy (28) that lives across the street. He moved in about 6 months ago. Its his parents house but they let him live there as he is mentally challenged (sorry if that is not the right phrase). His mother told me he has the capacity of a 12 year old. I assumed that he was this way from birth.
I went to take the baby for a walk and he was out walking with his dog. We have made smalltalk before about trivial things but never much beyond that. He started walking with us as I think he is quite lonely. Somehow he mentioned an accident. I asked what happened.....I about died when I heard it.
He had just graduated high school and a month before he left for college on a full ride football scholarship he and his buddy were drinking alot and driving. His buddy was driving the car as my neighbor already had a DUI and lost his license. They got into a horrible accident and he was in a coma for 8 months. They didn't think he would ever come out of it. His parents even were going to pull the plug on him at some point. His skull was crushed and he had many surguries.
Well, he came out of it and is now brain damaged. He cannot ever drive, he has a short term memory loss (he never remembers my name) and limited talking skills and barely lives on his own. He can't even have a real job. Nice guy but his life is not what it should have been. The drunk driver with him only got cuts and bruises.
He said he was a binge drinking alcoholic and now paid the price. He should have been dead by all accounts. He feels he was saved to try and save some others. He goes around to schools and such telling his story.
Anyway, it made me feel much better about what I did and thought I would share with all of you.
There is a guy (28) that lives across the street. He moved in about 6 months ago. Its his parents house but they let him live there as he is mentally challenged (sorry if that is not the right phrase). His mother told me he has the capacity of a 12 year old. I assumed that he was this way from birth.
I went to take the baby for a walk and he was out walking with his dog. We have made smalltalk before about trivial things but never much beyond that. He started walking with us as I think he is quite lonely. Somehow he mentioned an accident. I asked what happened.....I about died when I heard it.
He had just graduated high school and a month before he left for college on a full ride football scholarship he and his buddy were drinking alot and driving. His buddy was driving the car as my neighbor already had a DUI and lost his license. They got into a horrible accident and he was in a coma for 8 months. They didn't think he would ever come out of it. His parents even were going to pull the plug on him at some point. His skull was crushed and he had many surguries.
Well, he came out of it and is now brain damaged. He cannot ever drive, he has a short term memory loss (he never remembers my name) and limited talking skills and barely lives on his own. He can't even have a real job. Nice guy but his life is not what it should have been. The drunk driver with him only got cuts and bruises.
He said he was a binge drinking alcoholic and now paid the price. He should have been dead by all accounts. He feels he was saved to try and save some others. He goes around to schools and such telling his story.
Anyway, it made me feel much better about what I did and thought I would share with all of you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Startingover... just read this thread... you are so, so brave. My dad has a long history of insisting he's "fine" and driving when he has no business doing so. I put my foot down and make him hand over the keys when I'm around now, but I live many states away. I wish my mom would do what you've done. I hate that you are suffering now for making that choice, and I wish you could be rewarded by knowing whose lives you've saved!
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by OverItNow 
I really need to figure out why he is so scary to me...
It is just a front, they are pathetic. Believe me I know from experience, and I'm a guy for crying out loud....I'm 6'1
' 180 lbs, all muscle and gristle. I was scared sh!tless of my AW...5'4" 98lbs and meaner than a snake.
When I was 7 or 8 a bully used to take my lunch money every day on the way home from school. I must have started to lose weight or something, my single mom got me to confess what had been going on. She quietly told me that if I allowed this to happen again, that I'd get worse from her! :wtf2
The next day the kid approached me for my money, I never said a word...I was scared to death...he was a BIG kid. I closed my eyes and punched him in the stomach with all I had. He colapsed in a crying heap on the ground and I never saw him again.
I know, I know not politically correct, I'd be arrested for assault today....it was the 50's.
My point is, once you call their bluff, they go away. I called the police on my aw all the time. I still run into cops that know me from having been in my house back then. And they're ALL very kind...they get it.
If he finds out and acts an ass..call em again...and KEEP calling till he gets it.
Take what you like and leave the rest. Protect yourself and your kids.
You will be O.K.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Last edited by DesertEyes; 08-22-2008 at 09:20 PM. Reason: fixed broken quote
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Startingover2
Wow...I really think what I am going to tell you was meant to happen today.
I had to laugh....My higher power knows I don't do subtle. Could HE have been any more obvious? Ha. Seems to me He's taking excellent care of you!Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
I agree about the A's being bullies. My AH used to crumble at his ex-wife's feet when they'd have an argument. He said she always had the "trump card". So, that showed he was measuring who he imagined had most of the power. When it came to me, he thought he had the "trump card", because he makes pretty good money. I didn't really look at it that way. I just was afraid to make him mad and didn't want to fight.
I knocked perceptions out of the ballpark over a year ago when I started standing up for myself. We had one particular argument, where I never raised my voice, and he hasn't been the same since. The perception shifted and things got better.
I think fear is such a huge player. Fear of the unknown or the unpredictable fallout, so many of us go with the path of least resistance. That can be smothering over the long haul. And it gets worse and worse and worse, as the bully continues to push the limits of how much they can dish out.
Can you imagine that when my AH saw his 3 kids in the summertime, he would pay to fly his ex-wife to where we live also, put her up in a hotel, and one time she insisted that he bring her pillows and a blanket from our house because she didn't like the ones in the hotel? Why? Fear, he fulfilled every demand she made because she always threatened that he'd never see the kids again. (She lived in a different country at the time.) The insanity was off the charts. She lived off of the child support in a nice condo, with every luxury she needed in addition to having a live-in maid/housekeeper and she didn't work at all for many years after they were divorced. Yet she continued to have him convinced that at any moment, she'd go underground and she didn't need the money. Was insane. Fear, it was all fear. And he never missed a payment and never failed to wire additional monies every time she called for it.
She had his number, and then he had mine. I started to realize how much fear was eating me alive on the inside. Fear of what? Probably of being a single mother. But when that started too look better than living with him, everything changed.
I knocked perceptions out of the ballpark over a year ago when I started standing up for myself. We had one particular argument, where I never raised my voice, and he hasn't been the same since. The perception shifted and things got better.
I think fear is such a huge player. Fear of the unknown or the unpredictable fallout, so many of us go with the path of least resistance. That can be smothering over the long haul. And it gets worse and worse and worse, as the bully continues to push the limits of how much they can dish out.
Can you imagine that when my AH saw his 3 kids in the summertime, he would pay to fly his ex-wife to where we live also, put her up in a hotel, and one time she insisted that he bring her pillows and a blanket from our house because she didn't like the ones in the hotel? Why? Fear, he fulfilled every demand she made because she always threatened that he'd never see the kids again. (She lived in a different country at the time.) The insanity was off the charts. She lived off of the child support in a nice condo, with every luxury she needed in addition to having a live-in maid/housekeeper and she didn't work at all for many years after they were divorced. Yet she continued to have him convinced that at any moment, she'd go underground and she didn't need the money. Was insane. Fear, it was all fear. And he never missed a payment and never failed to wire additional monies every time she called for it.
She had his number, and then he had mine. I started to realize how much fear was eating me alive on the inside. Fear of what? Probably of being a single mother. But when that started too look better than living with him, everything changed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
cojones
Originally Posted by juju
I think you did the right thing, and I applaud your courage to do it. That takes huge cahonies!
So, worst case scenario, he finds out it was you. What’s the worst thing that can happen, and how can you prepare/protect yourself?
Maybe in the meantime, you can call the pd and ask how anonymous the call really was??? Explain the situation, and I’m sure they’d tell you if any identifying info can/was given. I can ask my friend who is a federal prosecutor what her take is on it too. I'll let you know what she says. For whatever that's worth. But things might be different state to state.
It’s hard to watch the ones we love go through difficult times. Don’t let yourself feel guilty. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!! How would you have felt if someone did get hurt?
((((((hugs))))))))
juju
So, worst case scenario, he finds out it was you. What’s the worst thing that can happen, and how can you prepare/protect yourself?
Maybe in the meantime, you can call the pd and ask how anonymous the call really was??? Explain the situation, and I’m sure they’d tell you if any identifying info can/was given. I can ask my friend who is a federal prosecutor what her take is on it too. I'll let you know what she says. For whatever that's worth. But things might be different state to state.
It’s hard to watch the ones we love go through difficult times. Don’t let yourself feel guilty. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!! How would you have felt if someone did get hurt?
((((((hugs))))))))
juju
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 63
I thought if you called the police with a tip about anything or anyone and wanted to be anonymous, they gave you an ID number and that is how they kept track of who you were.
If they say the info. is kept confidential.....I wouldn't expect a subpeona (sp?) to even disclose it.
Stay Safe !!
If they say the info. is kept confidential.....I wouldn't expect a subpeona (sp?) to even disclose it.
Stay Safe !!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
That is what I asked when I called. The reports say it was an anonymous caller but I guess the attorney can subpeona the call and listen to it. I find that really scary. What if I called in a crime or some other drunk driver and they came after me?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
StartingOver, I must say, your actions gave me courage this weekend! My XABF stopped by my house Sunday and was drinking and riding his brother's motorcycle I was so afraid that he would either splatter his head on the pavement or injure someone else. I distracted him at my house and called his brother to come and get his motorcycle. Didn't call the police on him, but I would if needed. Doubt the brother will be loaning it to him anymore.
Also, the story about your neighbor is quite amazing. I truly feel that your HP made sure you heard that story at just the right time. WOW!!!!!
Also, the story about your neighbor is quite amazing. I truly feel that your HP made sure you heard that story at just the right time. WOW!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
If it makes you feel any better hun.....many years ago I too turned my XAH in while he proceeded to drive totally drunk....and yes I covered it up all the way till his court day
when he went to jail and yes he went straight to jail for 90 days....but after he got out and came home he called me every name in the book but I told him that if the law couldn't catch him driving drunk then I will.....and I lived up to that rep....I am now as well as that day became a member of MADD. Stand tall and stand strong. Don't take ANY of his crap.
Hugs,
Janitw
when he went to jail and yes he went straight to jail for 90 days....but after he got out and came home he called me every name in the book but I told him that if the law couldn't catch him driving drunk then I will.....and I lived up to that rep....I am now as well as that day became a member of MADD. Stand tall and stand strong. Don't take ANY of his crap.
Hugs,
Janitw
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Amazing HP time for you, Starting Over. Incredible! I would remember that chance meeting with your young neighbor and let it take the forefront in your mind when you start to awfulyze and wonder. Your HP was sending you a HUGE message that he is totally guiding you along the right path and to trust in yourself, your decisions, and Him, I believe. Keep your chin up, continue being proactive in your decisions and in taking care of yourself and your baby. When I decided to file for divorce from my now exAH, I had one incident where he showed up drunk on my doorstep and was refusing to leave. I flailed in fear for about 2 minutes and then my strength kicked in from understanding recovery for myself and that I did NOT have to put up with this fear. I made a call that helped get him out of my house that night, and had the locks changed the next day. You take care of YOU in this sweetie. Do whatever it takes to get the fear taken care of so that you can continue to grow in your HP's light and love. 
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