lovtolaff

I'll be honest - I really thought I wanted him to contact me and beg for me to take him back just so I could say NO. But now that that has happened - I have to say...be careful what you wish for. It's brought me down again. I was doing so well - my thoughts of him and what he's doing were few and far between. Now I'm obsessing again.

I won't be taking him back - there is no hope for us, however, I'm still sad, hurt, depressed and am mourning what could have been.

Someone else said it perfect in another thread - "how dare him mess with MY recovery". I just want to cry.

juju

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

:ghug3

juju

Rella927

LovtoLaff

Be gentle with yourself....it takes time-

I remember I use to want the same thing with my XABF and each time I did come in
contact with him I started over with my recovery once again...

We are allowed to grieve and that is what you need to do....

Then CRY! Let it out, journal, keep posting etc....it is ok!

One baby step at a time-"Progress not perfection" We all get it in our own time...
and you will too

dolphingal1971

:ghug3

take care of YOU hon!

lovtolaff

Oh I'm SOOOO trying to do this. I keep having these little thoughts creep in about how he must be having the time of his life right now being able to party and sleep around and NOT have anyone to bit*h at him for anything he's doing. I know I'm not supposed to be focused on WHAT he's doing but dang if that ain't hard to do!!

He has a way of finding someone to "tinker" with for awhile and then when he's done with them (or should I say she's done with him) then he makes his way back to calling me. I should be pi$$ed about this but it's just making me sad.

I hate this feeling - the empty pit in my chest and stomach.

kingston

At first I was fighting with the feelings of needing my AH apologize and beg me to forgive him - just so I can tell him to f off.

I've done lots of thinking since I left him (almost two weeks) and I've come to the conclusion that what I was at first looking for was validation from him, that he acknowledged all the pain and suffering he caused me. Then I would have the opportunity to vent and say all the nasty, cruel evil things I've been thinking and feeling and storing up.

Now I'm in place where I accept that I don't need validation from him. Why? I look to the type of person that he is now, an alcoholic deep in the throws of his addiction, total self absorption, manipulation and major denial of everything around him. I don't respect him or value his input - who would? Not me anymore.

So what if he's partying and sleeping around - do you really want that type of person in your life?

He has no one to nag him - do you really want to spend your life being the nagger?

When he's done with the other women, do you really want someone else's cast offs?

For me I know I deserve much more than that. I have far too much respect for me now and if there is someone out there for me in the future, they will know it too.

I hope you have a better day today, stay strong.

lovtolaff

And see - I don't respect my x either. I honestly believe that his drinking/drugging has messed with his mental abilities even when he's sober. So his opinion really means nothing to me.

No I don't. I get pissed at myself for "missing" him. What am I missing??

No I don't. And ya know what - I wasn't really a "naggy" type prior to my relationship with him. I've always been very happy go lucky and positive - with him I turned into a jaded, cynical bitch.

Good Lord no! Not tryin to be mean or anything but I've seen his usual "type" and yuckola.

Thank you for this post....it's helping me to think about all of these things.

kingston

You're welcome, after I had the same conversation with myself, I came up with same answers as you!

Be strong for yourself first and be there for yourself. Have a good one - K

JustMeInWI

You probably already know the answer, but I just had to post because it's the same thing we all are missing... we miss the "what if's" and the "could be's". We miss having those things we dreamed about and believed we could have with our A's.

When it really boils down, do you miss "him" or just what "you wanted" him to be?

Mair

Lovtolaff ((((()))))it's a horrible feeling, . Your greiving let it happen, cry, scream then move on, day by day my friend.

I am at the stage where i dont hate my A i can remember good times without getting emotionally wrecked (it takes time to get to this stage, but you will get here too), i felt like a great weight had lifted from my shoulders when all the hatred and resentments that i felt for him subsided.

Dont be hard on yourself you are doing great.

Mairxx