Is my therapist giving me bad advice? HELP!
 

Okay...this one is new on me....need some suggestions.

Brief background: This counselor is the person who was seeing both me and the AH for marriage counseling. She is aware of my husband's addictions. She is aware of my co-dependence. She stated after a few sessions that she felt that our marriage was over. I have continued to see her because my therapist of 16 years has moved out of state. This counselor says I am an "over-giver." Not arguing that.

Now the scoop: last night in session, I told her that the AH was moving out. I told her that he had called his father (also an A) and asked if he could come live with him. His dad said no. My husband was really upset about it. She asked if my husband had talked to his father about working up there (his dad owns a business), instead of living there. I said no, but told her that I was annoyed that his father wouldn't help him out after his father helped his other brother who also has addiction issues. Then...she suggests that I try calling and speaking to my father in law! I was really shocked....I mean...isn't that rescuing and enabling?! I told her that my f-i-l is also an A and I don't have that kind of relationship with him to speak to him about it, and she says that maybe I can email him!!!! Not to mention, when I told her about my husband not packing yet, she told me that I should help him pack and help him move boxes to his new location. This doesn't seem as strange, since it gets him out of the house and gives him a reality check....but still..

Am I missing something here? My gut says something is not right, and I know that I should go with my gut...HOWEVER, my gut has also been wrong in the past because of codie thinking...things that my gut said to do in the past have been enabling or not healthy on my part, so I am unsure. Where is the line between kindness/helpfulness and inappropriate behavior?

Thoughts please!!!! Thanks all!

I agree with your gut here.

It is totally against my personal code of ethics to advise or direct a client into actions such as this, as well as to declare that a clients marriage is over.

I may repeat what I hear you saying, or I may question your choices and delve deeper into motives but never would I instruct you to call or put your hands on a situation for another grown adult.

As a client in therapy myself, in the past, I've had to terminate therapy relationships, and try to do so without a resentment, remebering that therapists are also human, with flaws and issues.

you deserve a really clear eyed helper now!

I wouldn't do anything to help you AH find somewhere to go. He's a big boy, capable of taking care of himself. I certainly would not talk to or email your FIL. Not your place to do so IMO. Why i the world should you have to continue treating your AH like a child incapable of taking care of his own business and problems?

I might help pack since it would be in my best interestes to get it done so he can leave. It would also make it a lot easier if you end up haivng to put his stuff on the lawn.

Thanks...I thought so.

Yes, B52, I think that packing would serve a purpose for me, so I might do that. However, I am glad I am not going crazy. I think I need to exit this therapist.

Miss C...She said that our marriage was a "Sham." She said that we could separate with love. I found it strange because the things she sometimes suggest would be more typical of two healthy people parting ways because the marriage didn't work...however, this is a whole different dynamic

Find a new therapist :)

My therapist never gave me advice. Or, at least I never took it as advice. ;)

She would offer suggestions once in a while, but usually several so that I could decide if one was right for me. Mostly, she just listened and repeated stuff back so I could hear my own words. Some of them were pretty bizarre, lol.

L

I think you need to find a new therapist.

I'm with the others. Maybe you need to find a counselor that understands alcoholism and co-dependance. This may beyond her expertise.