I can't take any more!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: utah
Posts: 42
I can't take any more!
Why do I even care?? My AH is not going to quit for nothing. Called me earlier and was so drunk I couldn't even understand what he was saying. I just told him I wouldn't talk to him drunk and hung up. I want out...completely. I just cannot deal with him anymore. I hope he makes it through this time since he's by himself-=no family or friends even remotely close to him. Says he has to prove he can do it on his own! He's nuts. Obviously that doesn't work. Rationality at its finest. I wish I could just let him go and forget about it all but we have two little ones together so that won't work. You can bet he will not ever be seeing these kids if he's not sober. He's throwing away so much and it just hurts to see him self destruct. My patience and sympathy are gone.
Just had to vent!
Just had to vent!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Paige,
What you are feeling is understandable...at least to me.
Right now what your children are exposed to is upper most in your mind and I don't blame you. They have not asked for any of this.
Keep your anger in mind...it is not funny but often the spouse is percieved as the crazy one. Your reactions to him are just as important as his stupidity at least as far as your children are concerned. I look back with more regret than I care to and my comment is to spare you, not to scold you.
Enjoy your kids and keep them safe,
JT
What you are feeling is understandable...at least to me.
Right now what your children are exposed to is upper most in your mind and I don't blame you. They have not asked for any of this.
Keep your anger in mind...it is not funny but often the spouse is percieved as the crazy one. Your reactions to him are just as important as his stupidity at least as far as your children are concerned. I look back with more regret than I care to and my comment is to spare you, not to scold you.
Enjoy your kids and keep them safe,
JT
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Paige n,
I remember these feelings well... It's so hard to comprehend how a grown man can CHOOSE to destroy themselves and everyone else in the process of getting "high". I held on to the anger for sooooo long (it still resurfaces from time to time).
But, what I learned in my OWN recovery was that HE was powerless, and I was powerless... but I was NOT helpless. As hard as it was, I stopped getting "involved" in his drinking / using by NOT reacting to it. For a while I had to "fake it" by pretending that his drinking / using was not affecting me at all. I replaced my obsession of his behavior, with a determination to discover myself and nuture myself... I began working out, quit smoking, going to Alanon meetings, reading Melody Beattie
, visiting friends, taking trips etc. And when it got tough, I called my sponser and came here for encouragement - I soon realized that what I was trying to do was what I SHOULD be doing anyway...
Eventually, taking care of ME first became second nature. It came out in how I interacted with my Husband, how I dealt with his behavior. The detachment had already begun... it wasn't as hard as I thought.
And through all of this, I kept in mind that TIME is on my side. I don't have to make any decisions NOW. In the midst of his drunks I wanted solutions... I wanted it to end; I wanted OUT. But by letting time go by, working on MYSELF, I was able to learn and heal. Now, the solutions are easier to see. I CAN be happy and healthy and at peace whether he is drinking or not; I can set boundaries that protect me and the kids, and protect my recovery... Sometimes I am amazed at how I came to be in this peaceful place - even through the same madness you speak of. It IS possible paige... believe in yourself. Get to a meeting, listen... and decide to put yourself at the top of the list.
Take care
Meg
I remember these feelings well... It's so hard to comprehend how a grown man can CHOOSE to destroy themselves and everyone else in the process of getting "high". I held on to the anger for sooooo long (it still resurfaces from time to time).
But, what I learned in my OWN recovery was that HE was powerless, and I was powerless... but I was NOT helpless. As hard as it was, I stopped getting "involved" in his drinking / using by NOT reacting to it. For a while I had to "fake it" by pretending that his drinking / using was not affecting me at all. I replaced my obsession of his behavior, with a determination to discover myself and nuture myself... I began working out, quit smoking, going to Alanon meetings, reading Melody Beattie
, visiting friends, taking trips etc. And when it got tough, I called my sponser and came here for encouragement - I soon realized that what I was trying to do was what I SHOULD be doing anyway...Eventually, taking care of ME first became second nature. It came out in how I interacted with my Husband, how I dealt with his behavior. The detachment had already begun... it wasn't as hard as I thought.
And through all of this, I kept in mind that TIME is on my side. I don't have to make any decisions NOW. In the midst of his drunks I wanted solutions... I wanted it to end; I wanted OUT. But by letting time go by, working on MYSELF, I was able to learn and heal. Now, the solutions are easier to see. I CAN be happy and healthy and at peace whether he is drinking or not; I can set boundaries that protect me and the kids, and protect my recovery... Sometimes I am amazed at how I came to be in this peaceful place - even through the same madness you speak of. It IS possible paige... believe in yourself. Get to a meeting, listen... and decide to put yourself at the top of the list.
Take care
Meg
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