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Courage to Change ~ Aug 15 ~ How Important is it?

Old 08-15-2008, 07:55 AM
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Courage to Change ~ Aug 15 ~ How Important is it?

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 8/15

After living in the chaos of an alcoholic relationship, it can be hard to know the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major crisis. Al Anon’s Slogan, “How Important is it?” helps many of us to regain some sense of proportion.

When plans fall through, when unexpected bills arrive, when I am disappointed in someone’s response, I can ask myself, “how important is it?” Most of the time I find that what I might have viewed as a disaster is really insignificant. If I try to keep my attention on this day instead of worrying about possible future consequences, I can take my disappointment or irritation at face value and refuse to dramatize it.

Because of this simple slogan, many days that I would once have seen as tragic are now filed with serenity and confidence.

Today’s Reminder

Today, if I encounter an upsetting situation, I will ask myself, “How important is it?” before I react. I may find that it is not important enough to sacrifice my serenity.

“It is almost as important to know what is not serious as to know what is.” ~~ John Kenneth Galbraith.
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:00 AM
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I remember when I spent my days as a whirling dervish- running from here to there, making sure everyone was ok, making sure we were all out of HIS way if he was having a bad day and was going to lash out at whoever was in his path.

I felt like I should have a little fire extinguisher attached to me so that I would be prepared to put out whatever little flash fire had popped up.

Now, with a program of recovery, I have check points. Instead of instantly reacting to something, I am able to think about it for a minute. I can call a recovery friend, I can ask myself if this situation is mine or is it really someone else's to handle. I can ask myself if I look back on this a year from now will it still be a big dang issue or just a blip?

I don't always do it right ... I can still find myself reaching for the fire extinguisher, but fortunately not as often. Most of the time, it's just not that important...

Today, if I encounter an upsetting situation, I will ask myself, “How important is it?” before I react. I may find that it is not important enough to sacrifice my serenity.
Cats
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:05 AM
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Thank you for posting this today. I really needed to hear that. I am really working on not reacting and this is just positive reinforcement.

Thanks again,
Chris:ghug
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:44 AM
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This was timely for me today, because I said no to something today that I did not want to do, and someone I love is angry at me because of it. I am trying to work on my co-de behaviors with everyone and everything in my life. This is not in regards to the a in my life, but my own family. I set up a clear boundary of a responsibility that is not mine. I made it clear months ago, and today someone I love expected me to do it anyway. I did not. I am still feeling bad, wanting their approval and understanding rather than their anger, but I think that even though I feel bad, I would feel worse if I went through with it. I was asking myself this morning "How important is it?" I was called selfish and bad, but I don't think so. I think it was important that I set this boundary so that if there is a "next time" my position will be clear.
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:55 AM
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I am really working on not reacting and this is just positive reinforcement.
Me too!...I have completely thrown everyone around me for a loop...My reactions have changed and while everyone thinks I am quietly ignoring the chaos, I am actually trying to sort out what I've learned here and my next move...or NOT.
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:55 AM
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Originally Posted by CatsPajamas View Post
Now, with a program of recovery, I have check points. Instead of instantly reacting to something, I am able to think about it for a minute. I can call a recovery friend, I can ask myself if this situation is mine or is it really someone else's to handle. I can ask myself if I look back on this a year from now will it still be a big dang issue or just a blip?

I don't always do it right ... I can still find myself reaching for the fire extinguisher, but fortunately not as often. Most of the time, it's just not that important...
This is what I am finding so helpful for me. Learning to recognize what is my "thing" to deal with, what smaller number of those "things" are important, and what I can let go of, has been an eye opener for me. I had had no idea just how much I was taking on that was either not mine to own or not that important. It has improved my relationships with my sons, my friends and has saved me from no end of "stuff" that jsut wasn't mine to deal with.
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:05 AM
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"How Important Is It"

A fellow member in my f2f group says . . .
"If it doesn't affect my breathing, it's probably not that important"

that sure does help me keep things in perspective

great reading - thanks Cats

HUGS,
Rita
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Old 08-15-2008, 02:35 PM
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“how important is it?”
This is one of my favorites too because it reminds me to be true to myself and my own beliefs. I remember a time when I didn't even recognize my own wants and needs. Once I get my priorities straight it doesn't matter so much how others react, because I know I'm being true to how my HP is guiding my path.
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:13 AM
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I will remember this one.
I can over-react sometimes...
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