I was hoping
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: London
Posts: 219
I was hoping
It was over.
Have been doing no contact for 2 and a half months. Have had a stalking issue with exA. Bought the Gift of Fear book as advised on here. Had already changed my cell phone number but took the advice in the book and left the home number alone.
All had been quiete for a fortnight, the longest so far and I had hope that this was the end of it.
Joined a dating site recently, not to look for a long term relationship but to gently test the waters about getting "my picker" sorted and maybe to improve my social life a little.
Ex A has found me on there. I had a few messages from someone that is apparently fairly local to me (exA isn't). I'm always very cagey, won't just give out my MSN address. Well the poor spelling, phrases and little things in the messages that were more than he should have known about me were give aways. The messages were almost like a fingerprint.
I sent a brief message tonight, "I know who you are, leave me alone". Then it starts again. 5 emails and 7 phone calls.
I know I shouldn't have sent the message but my ego got the better of me, how dare he think he was outsmarting me.
So tired of all this, how long does it go on for? Thought I was a tough cookie but this is realy starting to wear me down and I am so cross with myself that I rose to the bait
Have been doing no contact for 2 and a half months. Have had a stalking issue with exA. Bought the Gift of Fear book as advised on here. Had already changed my cell phone number but took the advice in the book and left the home number alone.
All had been quiete for a fortnight, the longest so far and I had hope that this was the end of it.
Joined a dating site recently, not to look for a long term relationship but to gently test the waters about getting "my picker" sorted and maybe to improve my social life a little.
Ex A has found me on there. I had a few messages from someone that is apparently fairly local to me (exA isn't). I'm always very cagey, won't just give out my MSN address. Well the poor spelling, phrases and little things in the messages that were more than he should have known about me were give aways. The messages were almost like a fingerprint.
I sent a brief message tonight, "I know who you are, leave me alone". Then it starts again. 5 emails and 7 phone calls.
I know I shouldn't have sent the message but my ego got the better of me, how dare he think he was outsmarting me.
So tired of all this, how long does it go on for? Thought I was a tough cookie but this is realy starting to wear me down and I am so cross with myself that I rose to the bait
Looking for the silver lining
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 243
Stay strong and consistent.
BTW...he sounds like to me he is already on the prowl for another to cling onto...otherwise he would be on a dating site. I am not sure if he is violent or not...like B52 said...a restraining order might be a good idea. However, in this case, the best thing may be to ignore him. It may defuse the situation. He seems to be getting a kick from the response.
BTW...he sounds like to me he is already on the prowl for another to cling onto...otherwise he would be on a dating site. I am not sure if he is violent or not...like B52 said...a restraining order might be a good idea. However, in this case, the best thing may be to ignore him. It may defuse the situation. He seems to be getting a kick from the response.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
All it takes is ONE contact from their person of interest for the stalking to start all over again. So what did he learn from this? That you are inaccessible by phone, but on a dating site if he contacts you, you will reply. That led to five more e-mails from him. It's a sick game they play. You can end it again.
It worked before, it will likely work again. You know the drill. Ignore all his attempts to contact you--in whatever form.
It worked before, it will likely work again. You know the drill. Ignore all his attempts to contact you--in whatever form.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Just make sure you're safe and that his stalking behavior doesn't escalate. If there is any fear of that, you're best to talk to the police about a restraining order or a no contact order.
BUT an order is only effective if you mean it. That means no contact. And I understand that's not always as easy as it sounds.
What helped me during the transition when he needed to stay away ~ restraining order in place ~ and I was worried - either worried about him, where he would live, if he was ok... or worried about ME and my personal safety which was a very real concern... I had a few strong recovery friends whom I could call at anytime of the day or night. We had agreed that if I felt the need to speak to him I would call one of THEM instead. It worked.... and slowly the fog and the pain lifted and I had a life again.
Hugs
Cats
BUT an order is only effective if you mean it. That means no contact. And I understand that's not always as easy as it sounds.
What helped me during the transition when he needed to stay away ~ restraining order in place ~ and I was worried - either worried about him, where he would live, if he was ok... or worried about ME and my personal safety which was a very real concern... I had a few strong recovery friends whom I could call at anytime of the day or night. We had agreed that if I felt the need to speak to him I would call one of THEM instead. It worked.... and slowly the fog and the pain lifted and I had a life again.
Hugs
Cats
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